Question about having sadism and ASD at the same time

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FranzOren
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27 Mar 2021, 1:07 pm

Is it normal for me to have unhealthy sadistic thoughts?

I have sadistic thoughts of revenge, because I sometimes used to be made fun of because I wasn't like my peers.

It was in Elementary School.

I am worried that I have Antisocial Personality Disorder and Borderline Personality Disorder after all that.


I have serious anger problems, have thoughts of dark revenge and betrayal and decided to only talk with my parents about it, because I once talked about my dark revenge online, the police officers came to my house and talked to me.


I feel embarrassed, but I always fantasize about getting dark revenge on my former bullies.

My brain is a mess.


I also think I might have PTSD, not typical PTSD. I experienced psychological dramatic event, because of what I explained above.


It's just I am afraid that I have similar traits related to Sandy Hook.


A lot of people say that committing crimes is not normal Autistic behavior, but I was wandering about PDD-NOS.


I read on Wikipedia and it said that people with PDD-NOS tend to have more intact social skills.


The reason why I wandered that is because a lot of people think that committing crimes is a social skill.


I think it is possible to have Conduct Disorders, Antisocial Personality Disorder, Narcissistic Personality Disorder and have ASD at the same time, but I don't know if it was studied that much, because statistics states that most people with mental health disorders, especially developmental disorders are ten times more like to be victims than being perpetrators compare to the general population.


But I was wandering if there are exceptions that at least that there are some small subgroups of people with mental health and developmental disorders committing crimes, as if they are higher-functionig. For example; A lot of factors that goes a long with ASD that may influence aggression, but does not cause aggression.


I also heard that it is common for people with PDD-NOS to have Antisocial Personality Disorder and Narcissistic Personality Disorder, but that is the only research I know.



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27 Mar 2021, 1:15 pm

FranzOren wrote:
Is it normal for me to have unhealthy sadistic thoughts? ...
No.  Get help.  Now.


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FranzOren
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27 Mar 2021, 1:27 pm

Thank you! I understood.

I don't want to confuse you into thinking that I acted on those thoughts, but I just can't keep those thoughts to myself anymore.

I have been masking my sadistic thoughts and wanted to talk to my school psychologist about it, but I refuse to, because I fear of getting expelled from school.

What you meant to say that I might act on those thoughts later in the future if I don't get help as soon as possible.



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27 Mar 2021, 2:03 pm

While it's not unusual for an individual to have an odd passing thought of questionable nature, when the person starts to indulge and engage in these thoughts regularly, in response to even perceived wrongdoing, it basically serves to train the mind into that reaction towards that treatment, or perceived treatment. Not everyone does it, but that is a way that that happens. First you fantasize about doing it. Then you engage in secondary actions that allow you to indulge in it more closely. You buy the knife you imagine stabbing people with. You buy the gun you imagine shooting people with. If you embrace it enough, you can lead yourself down that path. Eventually the thought can become an action.

To Fnord's point, get help. Now. When my head was only full of violent thoughts, I was far more likely to engage in violent actions. I still have violent thoughts. But I don't pay them any attention, and let them float away as though they never existed. I am far less volatile now. When people don't have control, or feel like they don't have control, they find ways to assert control. Violence is control. Don't let violence become your go-to tool.



FranzOren
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27 Mar 2021, 2:21 pm

Thank you!

I should treat my thought is if it was a delusion and get help.

I would not say that I am psychotic in this context, because I know it is not real, but I can treat it as such, because it sometimes feels real, like micro episodes that lasts for only five minutes.



carlos55
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27 Mar 2021, 3:31 pm

Get help Now!

Also write a list of the things your scared of doing and stay away from those things, i.e if you think you might want to shoot people stay away from guns or anything relating to that, if you think you may hurt a child in any way stay away from children & anything relating.

Make a list 3 columns

column 1 - the dark fantasies you may have
column 2 list of risks associated with those
column 3 - what you can do to avoid ever doing

Example below

Doing a Mass Shooting

Being shot dead, jail, parents disgraced, loosing freedom

Stay away from guns avoid watching violent movies / dont play violent video games positive thinking, meditation, stress release via exercise



FranzOren
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27 Mar 2021, 3:36 pm

Thank you!

I also take medications that helps me reduce these thoughts, Bipolar and ADHD as well.

Rexulti is one important medication that I am taking, it helps me reduce any negative thoughts or psychosis that I have.



FranzOren
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27 Mar 2021, 3:55 pm

I am only fantasizing hurting those that hurt me the most. I am not fantasizing about killing random people for no reason.

I am not fantasizing doing such evil thing in the context of my fantasies.

However, I do understand that these are still criminal thoughts, even though I don't think that it is evil in the context of my fantasies.



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27 Mar 2021, 6:35 pm

Please don't do it, otherwise you would be added to the growing list of autistic killers that is already destroying autism's reputation.

Before you do such drastic things, think of the consequences and also how much devastation you will bring to other people's lives. How would you like it if some aggressive lunatic (sorry but that's what you'll be if you were to kill someone) came and stabbed one of your loved ones to death? And then you'll be in prison, hated by the public and probably being butt-raped. Do you really want that to be your life?

So just use your conscience. Think before you do such things.

I'm sorry but I hate anybody who kills people. I'm insecure and have a lot of resentment, but the thought of murdering people never crosses my mind. I can't even kill a fly (literally!!), so killing a human, no matter how much I hate a person, is definitely out of the question.


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FranzOren
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27 Mar 2021, 6:48 pm

I am sorry that I made you upset.

It just my fantasies. I will go to my psychiatrist and my psychologist.



FranzOren
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27 Mar 2021, 6:51 pm

Even if I was a killer and was on the same list, the general public needs to understand that the list that you mentioned is a small subgroup of people with developmental disorders that commit crimes. In fact, most people with mental and developmental disorders are ten times more likely to be victims than being perpetrators.



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27 Mar 2021, 6:59 pm

I don't know about how the mind of a murderer works but I believe their wicked intentions started off with the thoughts you described. However, because committing a murder is actually quite rare (most people go through life without committing a murder), you will probably never commit a murder even if you do have these thoughts. But if the thoughts are disturbing you then seek help. It's a good thing that you're feeling guilty or worried about your thoughts, because that means you care about other people and yourself.


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FranzOren
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27 Mar 2021, 7:05 pm

Thank you!

I am deeply worried! I once though about revenge against my bullies so much to the point where I had micro psychotic episode and imagined that I killed my bullies, even though in reality I did not.

I am sorry! I feel scared!



FranzOren
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27 Mar 2021, 7:11 pm

I care about myself and others, but I don't care about people who made fun of me. I felt so betrayed.

I feel deeply hurt!



Joe90
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27 Mar 2021, 7:19 pm

I do sometimes have angry thoughts of revenge, but it doesn't involve killing. I have thought about suicide before but never to kill other people. Sometimes when I'm feeling really depressed because of the past coming back to haunt me, I imagine myself writing a nasty message through Facebook to one or two of my old school-'friends' who made my life socially isolating through high school (I don't have them added on Facebook). But in reality I can't even bring myself to do that. I know that if I did do it, it wouldn't really help matters. It would just make me wallow in guilt and self-pity.
I remember about 10 years ago or more, I sent a nasty message to my (possible but undiagnosed Aspie) cousin, because he'd announced on Facebook that he had been out clubbing with friends and I suppose jealousy, social isolation and resentment got the better of me. I just panicked because I was suffering from depression anyway and I wasn't doing the things other people my age were doing. It was like I was going through an emotional crisis. I did apologize to him when I calmed down and he forgave me, but even so, to this day I still feel terribly guilty whenever I remember it. I would never do a thing like that again.

So with you it might just be a phase, or an emotional crisis. Check out some of my posts from about 10 years ago and you'll see how angry and resentful I was back then. I got over my mental problems with Sertraline and also meeting my boyfriend.


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Joe90
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27 Mar 2021, 7:21 pm

FranzOren wrote:
I care about myself and others, but I don't care about people who made fun of me. I felt so betrayed.

I feel deeply hurt!


Yes I know what you mean, and nobody has any excuse to bully you. I understand that you will feel resentful of that.


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