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Mona Pereth
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29 Mar 2021, 3:26 pm

everybody_i5 wrote:
I wish I had never been born.

You seem very depressed and angry at the world. This is certainly understandable.

It is possible for an autistic person to have a reasonably happy life, but you'll have to work hard to attain it.

Are you doing anything about your depression? For example, are you seeing a therapist of any kind?


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petraA
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29 Mar 2021, 4:03 pm

Its a trade off. I don't need friends the way NTs do but I kinda agree with the sentiment that _most_ people are rather crappy and so I try to keep a collection of friends who are not. "High quality people" as I like to say are rare and should be valued as friends even when that is hard work. That said, I have chronic fatigue and am very sick so right now I pretty much do the bare minimum to keep my friends. This has led to a lot of them drifting away, but since they are "high quality people" they are pretty good about checking in and not completely forgetting about me. The selection of friends I have now is the result of a decade of snagging interesting and fun people into my life from hundreds of fellow students, internet people, and loose acquaintances. So basically if you don't have many high quality friends now don't expect to be able to go out and get a bunch all at once. You'll be lucky to find one really good one. But its still worth looking and its definitely worth the effort of keeping up with someone if you find a person worth keeping up with. In many ways we autistics are lucky because we have less of a pressing need to have friends around all the time or to be high up on some arbitrary social ladder and can therefore only invest in socializing with interesting kind and genuine people who are actually worth it. Its a combination of selection but also not giving up hope because while they might be hard to find there are people out there who are right for us.



kraftiekortie
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29 Mar 2021, 4:13 pm

I am aware that there are a lot of busy people. I'm busy myself!

Most busy people are too busy to think of abstractions, I find.

I think of them sometimes---but I don't have the time to ponder doomsday scenarios or conspiracy theories----which busy people generally don't have time to think about. They have a life to live.

I'm wondering if there's some misunderstanding somewhere. And the misunderstanding which arose could be caused by me not explaining myself properly.



mohsart
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29 Mar 2021, 4:36 pm

I wonder if there has ever been a conversation I've been in where I haven't been misunderstood.

/Mats


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kraftiekortie
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29 Mar 2021, 4:38 pm

Yep...I frequently have that problem.

It's partially because I don't verbally express myself that well; it's partially because some people just "want" to misunderstand me because of "ego"-type considerations. The latter is a part of "rhetoric," and is frequently a method of argument. My task is to learn how to offset this through being better verbally.

A big part of being "social," is that you have many people who aren't straightforward. They want to screw with you, and place themselves on top. This is very irritating to me.

I'd rather hang out with straightforward people. Partially because straightforwardness gives me pleasure....and partially because I suck at the rhetorical games.



Mona Pereth
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29 Mar 2021, 6:03 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
I am aware that there are a lot of busy people. I'm busy myself!

Most busy people are too busy to think of abstractions, I find.

I think of them sometimes---but I don't have the time to ponder doomsday scenarios or conspiracy theories----which busy people generally don't have time to think about. They have a life to live.

You're probably right about the conspiracy theorists, or at least the folks who spend a lot of time actively promoting conspiracy claims. But these people are a small minority.

The recent -- and polarizing -- new development is that the conspiracy mongers, who previously were a fringe whom most people ignored, have recently gotten much better at reaching mass audiences and getting their ideas taken seriously by mainstream politicians.

When they were being ignored, they weren't capable of being terribly "polarizing." But now they are reaching, and apparently being taken seriously by, a lot of people who are probably just too busy to think critically about their claims. Alas, busy and relatively normal people do sometimes get caught up in grand conspiracy claims, and that seems to be part of what's happening now.

Additionally, a lot of very busy people are getting polarized by the rhetoric of certain politicians.

We should probably continue this in PPR rather than here.


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kraftiekortie
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29 Mar 2021, 6:37 pm

All in all, I think socializing is "worth it" sometimes.

Though I'm not a particularly "social" person, I like people who are able to show their friendly side----even though they've had adversity in their life.

In relative terms, my adversity hasn't been all that bad---but it happened. It's not worth it to make the adversity part of my overall character. This is why I like to say hello to people and all that. But most of this stuff is rather superficial and mundane.

Yet I saw more value in the Mundane after my mother's son passed away of lymphoma at a young age. I felt sad that he had to suffer so. And I felt lucky I was able to look at things like sidewalks and buildings and trees. I gained perspective as a result of what my mother's son went through.



Joe90
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29 Mar 2021, 9:10 pm

All right, I'm sorry, OP. I guess I just got triggered before I finished reading your first post, and acted on impulse to reply without thinking first. You were obviously just ranting and wanted to get it off your chest.
Once again, I am sorry for misjudging you.


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TenMinutes
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29 Mar 2021, 10:21 pm

everybody_i5 wrote:
Neurotypical people tend to be extremely intellectually uncurious, they cannot retain details, and they tend to think generally and symbolically. They cannot be talked out of their feelings or their first impressions. When speaking to them, the tone of voice and word order matters more than details or facts. If a neurotypical person feels like they already know the answer to something, they will not look it up on the phones to double-check. If I say something that they do not understand, rather than asking for clarification, they will instead assume the absolute worst (based on their own understanding of the world) and then spread a rumor. They don't use their words to communicate. Instead, they expect me to read their minds.

People on the autism spectrum tend to lack empathy and ignore my feelings, preferences, and boundaries. They are intellectually curious only about things that interest them. They do not have two-way conversations. Though they will often use words, gestures, and pictures to communicate, many of them are terrible at it. Others have a limited ability to communicate well, and we end up missing each other or misunderstanding.


Most of these things are true of most people. I don't need it to be literally true of every single person to agree with it. It's mostly true and I understand where you are coming from. Though I'd say there are quite a few people in this forum who are trying harder than most you meet online or in the real world.