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Summer_Twilight
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19 Apr 2021, 8:45 am

Mona:
I live on my own and no I don't forget things like you are talking about. That said, I have two smart speakers that help me. I have also learned to put things in certain places so I can see them. However, you are right about teachable moments.

That said, I am talking about acquaintances who know I live on the spectrum. For example:

Right before all the social distancing, I attended an autism related event, and there is a new woman who works for the organization who comes across as a bit stuck on herself. For example, we were not allowed to bring food in the auditorium. She told me once and I said, "Thank you" and before picking out a seat. When I went back out to have some refreshments, which was outside near several tables she reminded me again. I said, "I get it I am not dumb." She got really defensive and said, "I did not say you were, I did not mean to hurt your feelings before storming off."



Mona Pereth
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19 Apr 2021, 12:40 pm

Summer_Twilight wrote:
Right before all the social distancing, I attended an autism related event, and there is a new woman who works for the organization who comes across as a bit stuck on herself. For example, we were not allowed to bring food in the auditorium. She told me once and I said, "Thank you" and before picking out a seat. When I went back out to have some refreshments, which was outside near several tables she reminded me again. I said, "I get it I am not dumb." She got really defensive and said, "I did not say you were, I did not mean to hurt your feelings before storming off."

Thanks for clarifying the context.

Did she remind just you, or other people too? (Or were you in the vicinity of the tables long enough to hear if she reminded other people?)

Did the organization own the venue, or were they renting it? I would guess most likely the latter.

If indeed they were renting it and the landlord had a rule about no food in the auditorium, then it's perfectly understandable to me why the organization's leaders might feel a need to remind people (everyone, not just you) repeatedly about the rule, to ensure that they would be allowed to rent the venue again in the future. Indeed, under those circumstances, I would be very surprised if they didn't remind people (everyone) repeatedly.

If, in any similar situation, you have reason to believe that you are being singled out for such reminders, I would suggest asking, "is there a reason why I am being singled out for this reminder?" rather than responding with something like "I know, I'm not dumb."


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Summer_Twilight
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19 Apr 2021, 1:09 pm

1. Yes, the organization did rent out the venue -
2. I felt singled out because I was one of the first people to arrive early and they starting to give out refreshments.
3. I also didn't hear her correct anyone else so I can't say

On another note, people do find out that I am autistic and have micromanaged me. That said, most of these people don't really know me personally. So I was worried that she might micromanage me.



Mona Pereth
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19 Apr 2021, 5:13 pm

Thanks for the further clarification.

I haven't experienced the "micromanagement" you are referring to, probably because I wasn't diagnosed at a young age. But no doubt it must be very annoying.


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Summer_Twilight
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20 Apr 2021, 9:35 am

Off topic, the people at my last synagogue didn't really want me as a part of their congregation because they felt like I did not fit their perfect mold. So they tried to fix and control me. So I tried to set boundaries with them while also offering to hold an education session, but they didn't want to hear it. Their attitude was "My way or no way."

That said, I know a male on the spectrum who is the president of an autism support group in my area who tends to act like he is superior to everyone else and therefore thinks everyone should submit to him. Of his attendees was another friend of mine who is also on the spectrum who is very outspoken and kind of immature. Because of that, those two didn't get along. So the president and his friends started controlling and micromanaging him.