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Summer_Twilight
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22 Apr 2021, 11:21 am

Earlier today, I was waiting for the bus outside of a gas station which is just in front of the bus stop when two men walked out of the gas station. While one of them walked to his car, the other got into his car right in front of the entrance.
The man parked at the front entrance started talking to me. "What's going on?" I politely said, "I am just really thirsty," by drinking a bottle of water which shut him down and close his car door. He also said, "Although I do like your hair color," and drove off, which I know is a polite way of saying, "I don't like you."

Any thoughts on the way I handled him?



BeaArthur
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22 Apr 2021, 12:45 pm

You projected the message "I don't really like you" and he sent it back atcha.

I'm assuming you were trying to brush him off (under the circumstances, I would). So why do you care what he thinks?


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Summer_Twilight
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22 Apr 2021, 2:36 pm

Bea,
Yes, I was brushing him off by being as polite as I could while letting him know I was not interested. That said, I didn't really mean to give him the idea that I didn't like him. I just was not comfortable with some random stranger sitting in his car flirting with me. As for him not liking me, I was trying to pay attention to the unwritten social rules of interactions. When I interacted with him, I attempted to use more of a closed body language as well


However, I am trying to learn how to brush people off in witty ways without being mean or nasty.



BeaArthur
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22 Apr 2021, 2:46 pm

Oh. You are more nuanced than me. When random strangers on the street "hit" on me, I have never cared whether they thought I was nice or nasty. (Mind you, I'm an old woman, so it is decades now since that happened.)


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Aspie1
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22 Apr 2021, 10:19 pm

Summer_Twilight, you did nothing wrong. Since you mentioned a "bus stop", I'm sure you were in a big city, not a small town or a suburb. City people tend to be terse and brusque; they have thick skins, and see such speaking styles as an expected norm. There's outward decency, like not cursing someone out undeservedly, but that's about it. For instance, if homeless people ask me for spare change, I blurt out "I got nothing" without slowing down. Your reaction is far from rude, and the only person to call it such would be someone looking for a confrontation. That man tried to flirt with you, you told him you were thirsty, he didn't get the reaction he expected or wanted, and left you.

This speaking style may not be "nice", but I'm used to it. It feels strangely honest. I prefer it over "bless your heart!", where you have to rack your brain whether it's true and literal, or a dog whistle for "oh my god, you're such a loser".



Summer_Twilight
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23 Apr 2021, 8:19 am

BeaArthur wrote:
Oh. You are more nuanced than me. When random strangers on the street "hit" on me, I have never cared whether they thought I was nice or nasty. (Mind you, I'm an old woman, so it is decades now since that happened.)


1. Bea - I used to have more trouble with nuances and other hints but I have gotten pretty good at picking them up.
2. Aspie1 - When I said "I am just really thirsty," I said it in a very friendly manner.

Another example, there was another time where I was getting off the bus when this man approached me while carrying a bible. He comes up to me and goes "Excuse me, I can't help but notice you're very beautiful." I asked him, "Did you just come from church," it was Sunday. He goes, "Oh just forget the whole thing and took off pretty fast. :lol:



Aspie1
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23 Apr 2021, 10:07 am

Summer_Twilight wrote:
2. Aspie1 - When I said "I am just really thirsty," I said it in a very friendly manner.
I believe you. But maybe he expected you to flirt back, rather than mention a dry fact. Or maybe his mind was in a weird place. Or maybe someone he had a problem with appeared in his side vision, so he bolted. No matter what, it was nothing you did. A stranger's opinion of you is not your responsibility.