Life advice for possible Aspergers male

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Champagne supernova
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
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03 May 2021, 3:01 pm

Hello everybody. I have thought I've had aspergers for probably 10 years. I have been to the doctors a few times. And they say the same, you are doing fairly well in life and they don't think a diagnosis would improve my life and its not worth the hoo ha.
I do struggle socially. I have started to realise that I've been masking my behaviours around other people. I have difficulty reading people and their intentions. I have a sensitivity to hearing, which contributes to my sleep problems.
Does anyone have any advice on how to improve my life?



cbd
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03 May 2021, 4:22 pm

Hi ,

i was in a Similar Situation . Getting Through .. despite Wearing myself Very Thin .. Like Yourself i've scraled by on Sleep .

My Best Advice .. Change Doctor's .

it's Taken Other Mental Health Situations to Allow Me the Acknowledgement .and Further Lead into Potential Assesment .

if You Have Symptoms of Other Situations (Your Sleep for Example) ..

i Believe my Lack of Sleep Has Forced BiPolar & Schizoid Behaviours.

i Thought a Diagnosis Would Change Nothing .. But .. it Could Potentially Allow You Professional Support .. Aswell as a Bit of Leigh-Way in Work Environment .

Tell Your Doc You are Severely Depressed (or However You Feel ) that You are Limited in Life .. Due to Symptoms of What You Believe to Be ASD . Bare it All To The Doctor . Lay it On Thick if You Have To . Throw a Tantrum or Get a Friend/Family Member to Shaparone You to Give a Second Angle of Behaviour and 'Knock On Effects' . Being Referred to a Psycologist Should Unearth a Medical Acknowledgement of Your ASD (if Thats What it is )

i Have Different Situations .. ASD Being One That is Unchangeable . it Took Pyschiatric Assesment for Other Symptoms for a Note on My File to Acknowledge my Default Traits .

Problem Being with You .. Like Me , You've Just Accepted Your Situation .. But it Appears You Want More than the Path on the Horizon . Professional Help Can Allow You Better Insight .. a Diagnosis (Potentially) even Further Support

There are Many on The Spectrum Who Either Just Barely Operate (and Get the Patience and Extra Break when Needed ) Others .. it's a "no way .. nothing wrong with you .. man up" . Some are Constantly Switching Jobs or Even Not Sticking at it .

i can Categorically Tell You . Some Situations feel like They are Light Years From Being a Reality .

Persue Until No Stone is Unturned . You Owe Yourself That Much .. at the Least . 8)



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03 May 2021, 9:14 pm

Welcome to WPea! :mrgreen:


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Double Retired
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03 May 2021, 9:26 pm

I can't say my diagnosis improved my life. Things are pretty much the same before and after.

But the diagnosis made me feel good because it allowed me to understand so much.

And, now, when my bride bumps up against one of my Aspie traits I get to say: I have a doctors not for that!

But, really, life did not get better but i still felt better.


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09 May 2021, 9:17 pm

Welcome to Wrong Planet! :)


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10 May 2021, 1:10 am

Hello Champagne Supernova.
Welcome to WP.

Quote: You know you are alive whe suffering is present - Zen


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Gentleman Argentum
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10 May 2021, 11:00 am

Double Retired wrote:
I can't say my diagnosis improved my life. Things are pretty much the same before and after.

But the diagnosis made me feel good because it allowed me to understand so much.

And, now, when my bride bumps up against one of my Aspie traits I get to say: I have a doctors not for that!

But, really, life did not get better but i still felt better.


This is such a good attitude. :cheers:


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Double Retired
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10 May 2021, 5:02 pm

Gentleman Argentum wrote:
Double Retired wrote:
I can't say my diagnosis improved my life. Things are pretty much the same before and after.

But the diagnosis made me feel good because it allowed me to understand so much.

And, now, when my bride bumps up against one of my Aspie traits I get to say: I have a doctors not for that!

But, really, life did not get better but i still felt better.


This is such a good attitude. :cheers:
I'm glad you agree!

However, honesty compels me to say agreement is not universal. My bride was tired of hearing "I have a doctor's note for that!" before we left the psychologist's office when she told us the diagnosis.

:) But she still hears it again, every once in a while!


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Gentleman Argentum
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11 May 2021, 2:02 am

Double Retired wrote:
Gentleman Argentum wrote:
Double Retired wrote:
I can't say my diagnosis improved my life. Things are pretty much the same before and after.

But the diagnosis made me feel good because it allowed me to understand so much.

And, now, when my bride bumps up against one of my Aspie traits I get to say: I have a doctors not for that!

But, really, life did not get better but i still felt better.


This is such a good attitude. :cheers:
I'm glad you agree!

However, honesty compels me to say agreement is not universal. My bride was tired of hearing "I have a doctor's note for that!" before we left the psychologist's office when she told us the diagnosis.

:) But she still hears it again, every once in a while!


:lol: Our partners prefer we not use the diagnosis as an excuse. They prefer we work on things and try to meet them halfway at least. So, although I think your line is funny, there is a serious reflection, on how a partner might view things.

I both look forward to and dread finding my next partner, because I know part of the relationship-work will involve my adapting to their needs and preferences. Possibly that includes making more effort to overcome certain Aspy tendencies or adapt them in such a way that they are not a problem.


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autisticelders
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11 May 2021, 5:30 am

welcome! Take your time and ask questions. The best resource we may have is forums like this with combined life experience of adults with autism and adapting our lives to survive and thrive.

I self diagnosed at 65 and got formal diagnosis at 68.I will be 70 this year so I have had about 5 years to adjust.
It helped so much to know that everything before that was not "all my fault", what a relief.

Looking at the past and understanding how autism worked in so many ways without anybody knowing has helped heal and understand past hurts and struggles.

These days I have adapted fairly well. Knowing about my worst struggles and knowing I had options helped a lot.
Where before I would have gone to the mall with the gang, today I shop online. Instead of meeting at the local bar or restaurant (OK Covid has changed this anyways) or going to a show or something, I choose to have a cookout for one or 2 others, meet in a quiet place for a picnic with carry outs, or have a friend over for coffee.

I don't make myself do things that in the past have given me headaches, shakes from anxiety, nausea, or upset and drained me for days after.

I took a look at my life to sort out the things that were hardest for me, and one at a time I was able to figure out ways to change things so I could make the experience easier or better.

I still have to do things like go to the dentist, but I don't have to sit through a loud ballgame or a concert... I don't have to attend mass lectures or community dinners, etc... all things that were very hard for me.

If my significant other or my friend or friends want to go, I excuse myself politely, saying I have other plans.
Welcome.
Self care always first, don't let others guilt you, do what is right for you.
There are any number of possible alternatives to any suggested activity, the ones you participate in do not have to cause anxiety or pain. Cheering you on.



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11 May 2021, 12:47 pm

Gentleman Argentum wrote:
:lol: Our partners prefer we not use the diagnosis as an excuse. They prefer we work on things and try to meet them halfway at least. So, although I think your line is funny, there is a serious reflection, on how a partner might view things.
I prefer to think of it as reminding her of my differences (limitations).

I can't follow multiple people talking to me simultaneously--sigh, I once proved that in an Emergency Room. I'm not good at multitasking. I react to stray, unnecessary noises--though usually a problem it was helpful when I heard the ants in our window frame. I do better when things are calm and uncluttered. I like routine. I am good at plodding through some tedious tasks that she would hate--so I get to organize the tax records, for instance. Etc.

My bride is ADHD so there is considerable "opportunity" to bump into each other's "symptoms".


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Champagne supernova
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
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12 May 2021, 12:33 am

Thanks for the advice.
Yeah I get that, I would just agree to do anything when I was younger, but now I pick and choose what to do. I prefer going for a run on my own to meeting groups of people. This helps me to get my head sorted out. Some people think this is weird but I'm glad I've found a community where this is accepted.
Looking forward to the future where I can be more chilled out and try to make sense of things.



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12 May 2021, 3:39 am

Double Retired wrote:
Gentleman Argentum wrote:
:lol: Our partners prefer we not use the diagnosis as an excuse. They prefer we work on things and try to meet them halfway at least. So, although I think your line is funny, there is a serious reflection, on how a partner might view things.
I prefer to think of it as reminding her of my differences (limitations).

I can't follow multiple people talking to me simultaneously--sigh, I once proved that in an Emergency Room. I'm not good at multitasking. I react to stray, unnecessary noises--though usually a problem it was helpful when I heard the ants in our window frame. I do better when things are calm and uncluttered. I like routine. I am good at plodding through some tedious tasks that she would hate--so I get to organize the tax records, for instance. Etc.

My bride is ADHD so there is considerable "opportunity" to bump into each other's "symptoms".


Actually, it seems ADHD would be the perfect compliment to someone with Asperger's. Mix together and I guess you get neurotypical? I think that is a very thoughtful and interesting pairing.

Hm, I'm the same. I like routine, prioritize calm above all else. I do taxes quite early--did mine in February after getting the needed forms.

I regret to say I do have clutter in my office and at home, but it's some kind of system where I sort-of know where to look for things if they are needed. But in reality, I could throw away half the stuff, I just hate waste.


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