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Kitty4670
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09 May 2021, 6:28 pm

Did you ever been in a long distance relationship & the guy or girl was in a different country, how did you make it work if they are 8 hours ahead of you? My ex wants to be my boyfriend again.


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Redd_Kross
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09 May 2021, 7:41 pm

I used to work as a self-employed business consultant, and I'd often be away during the week staying in hotels, and only get home for some weekends. To those that have never done it, that sounds very glamorous, but after the first month the novelty wears off.

Relationship-wise it's definitely difficult. Yes you can keep in contact but actually, what is there to say? What did I do today? I worked for 10 hours, then I ate, went for a wander around (provided it was a nice area), then I had a few beers and crashed out in my perfectly reasonable but somehow unsatisfying hotel room. And repeat....

Worse, when you do get time together, you're knackered from the travel and under pressure time-wise. It's like there's suddenly this expectation that you HAVE to make the most of your weekend by cramming 1,001 things into it, when all you want to do is sleep. But that, of course, would be rude.

I really thought this would suit me, relationship-wise, as I tend to need a lot of space anyway. But instead I missed my (then) GF when I was away, but when we were together I was always tired and stressed and I think she felt a). I didn't pay her enough attention when I was away (because I generally had my head down trying to get finished so I could get home, and she wasn't interested in my work, so there was nothing much I could say) and b). I think there was some jealousy of my lifestyle when actually it sucked a lot of the time and I was only doing it because we needed the money. And c). I acted like an ungrateful git when I did get home.

That's not to say it can't work, but you're always going to be living separate lives that overlap every so often. Can't really get involved in family celebrations, helping with household chores, looking after them if they're ill, taking the cat to the vets etc. etc. And that's fine if both of you can handle that, plus the tiredness from travel. I could deal with it, provided I had recovery time. My GF it turned out, felt abandoned a lot of the time and unsupported. From her point of view she'd rather we'd been closer together but poorer. But then I'd probably have felt trapped anyway.

So, what are your personalities like? What do you want? If both of you are happy with having limited time together - and possibly low expectations of the quality of the time you DO get - it can work. But it's really easy for one partner or the other to end up feeling short-changed.



Last edited by Redd_Kross on 09 May 2021, 8:08 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Sweetleaf
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09 May 2021, 8:06 pm

I sorta had one but they were just in a different state, but it progressed to where me and them were considering me like moving in with them. But I backed out because he wasn't in a position to like provide that he was living with room-mates and made it clear I would need to find an adequate job to like pay my share and stuff.

Well I knew what kind of luck I had with employment so I had to turn it down also in talking to him I guess I kinda found some traits in him I felt might prevent us from really being a good match. And for sure seemed like a big risk to move states to move in with someone without any idea of it it would actually work out or not. So yeah that just fizzled out and looking back I am glad I chose not to do that.


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BeaArthur
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09 May 2021, 10:16 pm

Kitty4670 wrote:
Did you ever been in a long distance relationship & the guy or girl was in a different country, how did you make it work if they are 8 hours ahead of you? My ex wants to be my boyfriend again.

Kitty if this is the same person I think it is, I'm suspicious that he just wants you to buy him another cell phone or spend money on him. He wasn't good for you before and I doubt anything has changed in that regard.


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Kitty4670
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11 May 2021, 12:19 am

BeaArthur wrote:
Kitty4670 wrote:
Did you ever been in a long distance relationship & the guy or girl was in a different country, how did you make it work if they are 8 hours ahead of you? My ex wants to be my boyfriend again.

Kitty if this is the same person I think it is, I'm suspicious that he just wants you to buy him another cell phone or spend money on him. He wasn't good for you before and I doubt anything has changed in that regard.



Yes it is the same guy, that was over two years ago, things are different now, Please just drop it.


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