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Paul05
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10 May 2021, 5:40 pm

I went to center of social rehabiliation and I met a girl there, called Lida. She has cerebral palsy. Her appearance is pleasant, and I understood her even with her speech problems.

Despite that she lives with two sisters, she looked so lonely that I would like to support her as a friend. I became like a volunteer - we drew pictures together, watched movies and walked. It was decent before she started to introduce me to everyone else as my boyfriend. Gradually her feelings grew bigger and became obvious. She began to touch me, which annoys me so. And, damn it, she is 12 years older than me!

I don't really know how to behave in this situation. On the one hand, I feel sorry about her. I could gladly support friendly relationship. But love? God forbid, no. I will never be able to fall in love with her and I simply know it.

She's not my type and cerebral palsy is not the reason for it (even that big age difference isn't really too) How could I behave better in this situation - talk or stop any correspondence???



amykitten
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10 May 2021, 5:50 pm

Just be honest with her and tell her you only see her as friend and set clear boundaries. If she can't adhere by it and you still feel uncomfortable then it wasn't meant to be. Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind, but I would give it my best shot at friendship first as that's the kind of person I am.



DW_a_mom
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10 May 2021, 8:58 pm

I agree with amykitten. You should be honest with her. NICELY honest, but honest. Some things don't need to be said (like the precise reasons you aren't attracted in a romantic way), but the fact you don't see a romantic future and are uncomfortable that she has started to see you as a boyfriend DO need to be said. Emphasize that you have truly enjoyed and want to keep the friendship, but never wanted more, and am sorry if you unintentionally gave off signals indicating anything different. Make clear that in your mind you were never dating, and it took a while for you to realize how differently she was seeing the relationship than you did.

You may end up losing the friendship; you won't be able to control whether or not she will be able to continue in friendship after this conversation. But the conversation has to happen. The longer it goes on with her misreading your intentions, the more difficult and hurtful it will be.


_________________
Mom to an amazing young adult AS son, plus an also amazing non-AS daughter. Most likely part of the "Broader Autism Phenotype" (some traits).


Champagne supernova
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11 May 2021, 10:01 am

Yes you need to be totally honest, if it was a one off and a joke it would be OK. But it looks like she's got the wrong idea. Be firm with her say no I'm here to help you, I've already got a girlfriend. Even if you haven't got one.
And if she doesn't get it you're gonna have to stop going there to help her. It's not fair on either of you.



Paul05
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13 May 2021, 7:52 am

Thanks for your friendly assistance! I view it as a rather risky situation, it's actually a win-or-lose situation and even if I calculate everything well, she still may take it offensively.

Despite that, she occasionally calls to me, so I need to choose a certain movement towards her. Your idea about pretending as I've already been taken is nice, I think I'll be brave enough to carry it out. I have a friend with whom we occasionally walk in a park, she is quite mature, easy-going and friendly. Even though she's been married long ago, it can do the trick :)