“Will I finally have a relationship this year?”

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funeralxempire
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09 Jun 2021, 7:03 pm

Marknis wrote:
I feel like even if I got into a relationship, others would try to sabotage it, especially since I am not interested in certain causes and being an useful idiot. I honestly just want to be happy, have someone to love me, and share special times with my partner.


Most people are too busy with their own lives to f**k with other people in a significant way. Even people who don't like you probably have their own stuff to do, their own goals to accomplish, etc. That's not to say that people are never intentionally nasty for stupid reasons, just that most people don't have the time or energy to invest in ruining other people's lives after they've done everything they're expected to do.


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09 Jun 2021, 7:08 pm

honeytoast wrote:
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Oh, and I got my vaccine too.

Sounds like liberal indoctrination to me. :mrgreen:
Maybe so. But now I get to deprive Biden voters of the opportunity to call me a "science denier". I can't be a "science denier" if I got the shot. :D I left work around lunchtime to get my shot, and still got paid for the whole day. Plus, the side effects were kind of fun: I felt like I was a bit dizzy, like after a cruise. Ditto for the second dose.

Plus, the last escort I've been with seemed very happy to see me, when I told her while arranging to meet her that I was vaccinated. I'm sure it'll be similar with "free" women, should I decide to go down that route.



Marknis
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09 Jun 2021, 8:19 pm

I don’t want anymore discussion of the vaccines in this topic. Please take it elsewhere.

AnonymousAnonymous wrote:
Marknis wrote:
I am surprised I haven’t been ripped apart for this topic yet.


How so, Brother Marknis?


My detractors don’t want me to get better and want me to remain alone and unhappy.



Redd_Kross
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10 Jun 2021, 7:33 am

Marknis wrote:
I don’t want anymore discussion of the vaccines in this topic. Please take it elsewhere.

AnonymousAnonymous wrote:
Marknis wrote:
I am surprised I haven’t been ripped apart for this topic yet.


How so, Brother Marknis?


My detractors don’t want me to get better and want me to remain alone and unhappy.


No, people who care about you don't want you rushing into a relationship when you're not ready, that will subsequently prove disasterous for all involved. They are not your "detractors" they are people who know - through experience - that being unhappy isn't something you can fix by being in a relationship. And going down that route leaves you extremely vulnerable to ending up unhappier than you were before, reinforcing negative thoughts and behaviours in the process.

Being happy again involves doing a lot of work to build yourself back up. Diet, routine, sleep, medication, therapy, exercise. How about an update on how you're doing with those? Instead of the obsessive stream of posts about theoretical future relationships.



Marknis
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10 Jun 2021, 9:27 am

Redd_Kross wrote:
Marknis wrote:
I don’t want anymore discussion of the vaccines in this topic. Please take it elsewhere.

AnonymousAnonymous wrote:
Marknis wrote:
I am surprised I haven’t been ripped apart for this topic yet.


How so, Brother Marknis?


My detractors don’t want me to get better and want me to remain alone and unhappy.


No, people who care about you don't want you rushing into a relationship when you're not ready, that will subsequently prove disasterous for all involved. They are not your "detractors" they are people who know - through experience - that being unhappy isn't something you can fix by being in a relationship. And going down that route leaves you extremely vulnerable to ending up unhappier than you were before, reinforcing negative thoughts and behaviours in the process.


They do not care. They even say themselves they do not and one even said she washed her hands of me.



dorkseid
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10 Jun 2021, 12:16 pm

Next year I'll turn 40. And I have yet to see anything change in my sad lonely existence. But maybe 2022 will be different, right? Maybe it'll be the year that we finally achieve world peace, eliminate poverty, cure all diseases, discover warp drive and explore the galaxy, extend the human life span by centuries, and I'll finally meet someone who wants to be my girlfriend. Hey! It could happen.



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10 Jun 2021, 12:20 pm

3 Tips To Becoming A More Dateable Man - Thought Catalog
https://thoughtcatalog.com/benjamin-sle ... eable-man/


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funeralxempire
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10 Jun 2021, 12:30 pm

Marknis wrote:
Redd_Kross wrote:
Marknis wrote:
I don’t want anymore discussion of the vaccines in this topic. Please take it elsewhere.

AnonymousAnonymous wrote:
Marknis wrote:
I am surprised I haven’t been ripped apart for this topic yet.


How so, Brother Marknis?


My detractors don’t want me to get better and want me to remain alone and unhappy.


No, people who care about you don't want you rushing into a relationship when you're not ready, that will subsequently prove disasterous for all involved. They are not your "detractors" they are people who know - through experience - that being unhappy isn't something you can fix by being in a relationship. And going down that route leaves you extremely vulnerable to ending up unhappier than you were before, reinforcing negative thoughts and behaviours in the process.


They do not care. They even say themselves they do not and one even said she washed her hands of me.


People who make what they believe to be their best efforts and get labelled as detractors are likely to get fed-up and detach.

How would you prefer people to respond when they find themselves in that situation? If the roles were reversed how would you feel and how would you respond?


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Marknis
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10 Jun 2021, 3:46 pm

I just wish I knew what to do to finally establish a relationship.



Redd_Kross
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10 Jun 2021, 4:36 pm

I think you've said before that you're having therapy.

I'd strongly suggest talking about your relationship fixation with your therapist.

Why do you need validation all the time?

Are you overly needy and likely to be too trusting too quickly?

How do you think relationships work? What if the reality doesn't line up with those expectations?

How well would you handle criticism or disagreements?

What tools do you have as an Autie to try and work out what an NT partner means, when they're being obtuse?

How good is your own emotional self-awareness? Would you wear yourself out as a "people pleaser" and possibly lose some of your own identity in the process?

What happens when either you need some down time or they do?

How would you create a wider support web around your relationship? For example getting to know her friends and family and talking to them about DIY projects, gift ideas, anniversary celebrations, day trips or whatever?

My concern at the moment is that you could be very, very serious and overbearing in a relationship. And if it went wrong that could turn into stalker behaviour.

Relationships can't be managed to the nth degree, they're a constant series of ups and downs, surprises and compromises. Stepping back and letting go enough to make them work isn't easy. You need to be prepared to f**k up and laugh about it, to forgive and forget and move on. At present everything I'm reading from you seems repetitive, immune to any feedback, and overly intense. And we're just random users on a web forum, not potential dates.

I'd be very wary of your obsessive streak if I were a potential date. A big step towards a relationship would be to stop obsessing over relationships, and I think you're gonna need help with that.



funeralxempire
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10 Jun 2021, 4:48 pm

Redd_Kross wrote:
Why do you need validation all the time?


This seems like it's the root of a lot of the other issues.

People who constantly need validation tend to wear people out over time and this will sabotage those relationships. Unfortunately the rejection is likely to only further reinforce that need, causing it to become a cycle.


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Marknis
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10 Jun 2021, 5:35 pm

If I had a partner, I don’t think I would feel the need for validation because the things my detractors told me would be proven wrong.



funeralxempire
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10 Jun 2021, 5:38 pm

Marknis wrote:
If I had a partner, I don’t think I would feel the need for validation because the things my detractors told me would be proven wrong.


Because they would be both a form of validation (see guys, I did it, I've gotta partner) as well as the person you'd be most likely to turn to for validation.


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Marknis
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10 Jun 2021, 5:56 pm

funeralxempire wrote:
Marknis wrote:
If I had a partner, I don’t think I would feel the need for validation because the things my detractors told me would be proven wrong.


Because they would be both a form of validation (see guys, I did it, I've gotta partner) as well as the person you'd be most likely to turn to for validation.


It would still be nice to have a taste of success after being made to feel like I am a failure and a loser for so long.



Marknis
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11 Jun 2021, 12:58 pm

My older brother always kept me out of the spotlight and I was never able to shine because of him.



AnonymousAnonymous
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15 Jun 2021, 2:08 pm

Marknis wrote:
My older brother always kept me out of the spotlight and I was never able to shine because of him.


Brother Marknis, you really need to learn how to stand up for yourself.

No one is going to do this for you.


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