I repeat questions and people don't like it sometimes.

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catpiecakebutter
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04 Jun 2021, 5:54 pm

I feel embarrassed that it happens.



Oculus
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06 Jun 2021, 8:04 pm

Me too. It took me years to figure out that repeating myself is a no-no (not just questions).

A trick I will often use instead of repeating questions is to ask "did you hear my question?" or "do you remember my question?"

If they were deliberately ignoring or dismissing my question, this often forces the issue into the open and lets them know that I am intent on an answer, or at least a discussion. Sometimes people have good reasons for not wanting to answer a question and those reasons are not always obvious to me.



Benjamin the Donkey
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06 Jun 2021, 8:30 pm

Oculus wrote:
Me too. It took me years to figure out that repeating myself is a no-no (not just questions).

A trick I will often use instead of repeating questions is to ask "did you hear my question?" or "do you remember my question?"

If they were deliberately ignoring or dismissing my question, this often forces the issue into the open and lets them know that I am intent on an answer, or at least a discussion. Sometimes people have good reasons for not wanting to answer a question and those reasons are not always obvious to me.


Yes, but deliberately ignoring a question without even acknowledging it is rude and arrogant, even by NT standards. If someone is rude to me, I have no problem repeating my question more forcefully.


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Dandansson
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09 Jun 2021, 1:29 pm

Benjamin the Donkey wrote:
Oculus wrote:
Me too. It took me years to figure out that repeating myself is a no-no (not just questions).

A trick I will often use instead of repeating questions is to ask "did you hear my question?" or "do you remember my question?"

If they were deliberately ignoring or dismissing my question, this often forces the issue into the open and lets them know that I am intent on an answer, or at least a discussion. Sometimes people have good reasons for not wanting to answer a question and those reasons are not always obvious to me.


Yes, but deliberately ignoring a question without even acknowledging it is rude and arrogant, even by NT standards. If someone is rude to me, I have no problem repeating my question more forcefully.

8)



ToughDiamond
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11 Jun 2021, 6:02 pm

Benjamin the Donkey wrote:
deliberately ignoring a question without even acknowledging it is rude and arrogant, even by NT standards. If someone is rude to me, I have no problem repeating my question more forcefully.

Certainly if I see myself as being among equals, I might do that. If the power relations are stacked against me, I might not, though I'd want to, and the feeling of frustration would reinforce my negative attitude towards unequal power relations.

But there may sometimes be an innocent reason for somebody appearing to ignore a question. I've seen people do this thing where silence means "yes." Usually it's in response to an accusation they'd be expected to deny if it wasn't true. Or the question might not be a direct accusation but they'd somehow or other feel embarrassed or exposed if they answered.

The question could be construed as an invasion of privacy. I'm fairly heart-on-sleeve myself, so I have trouble anticipating when others might not like to be quite so frank as I like to be. They taught us at school was that a question demands an answer - note the word "demands." I tend to see questions as being merely requests for answers, and to expect some kind of reply, even if it's "sorry that's private," or "if you don't mind, I'd sooner not talk about it right now." But it seems the world doesn't always work to that format.

Sometimes a question threatens to uncover a deception, and NTs seem to have this understanding that even if you suspect or know for sure somebody is lying, you don't highlight the fact, you might gently allude to it but you don't get too explicit.

But standards of politeness vary a lot from group to group, and from person to person within a group.