I feel some people don't like me Anyone else feel the same?

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catpiecakebutter
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10 Jun 2021, 5:07 pm

I feel at times I'm someone that leaves a "bad taste" in people's mouths. (Not literally of course.) I try to act OK and there people who don't like me. I don't even like myself but I like other people. I've upset a former Asperger leader of a group about 10 years ago and she still doesn't like me. Anyone here feel similar about themselves?



Hoojint
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10 Jun 2021, 5:27 pm

catpiecakebutter wrote:
I feel at times I'm someone that leaves a "bad taste" in people's mouths. (Not literally of course.) I try to act OK and there people who don't like me. I don't even like myself but I like other people. I've upset a former Asperger leader of a group about 10 years ago and she still doesn't like me. Anyone here feel similar about themselves?


Yes I make feel depressed, sad, bored, dislikes, offended, not cared for and uncomfortable and am a general party pooper.



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10 Jun 2021, 6:04 pm

If she does not like you, she should not be a leader because she does not understand aspergers syndrome.

You see those on the spectrum (And I know I fit in to this even if I have not been assessed) can be very prone to accidently upsetting others as one is operating on a different mental wavelength. (Those on the spectrum are more likely to be forgiving because they realize they themselves can have the same problem).

Do not try to live your life trying not to upset others. Just live and be who you are because if one lives in fear of upsetting others like I used to live, it only hurts yourself. Instead do your own thing and do not worry if you upset others. That is their problem as they lack forgiveness.
When I was about the age of 37 I realized that no matter what I did or how hard I tried not to, I would upset someone somewhere. Then I realized that there was no point in trying to be like everyone else to please them. I realized that I am me and if they don't like me, that is their problem.

When one realizes this, it is liberating because one stops blaming oneself and starts being who you are meant to be.


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10 Jun 2021, 7:04 pm

I get sensitive if someone doesn't like me. I don't dislike anyone unless I've got a good reason to. I am rather skilled in knowing what to say and what not to say to avoid upsetting people, so it's extremely rare that I accidentally upset people. I'm always thoughtful and compassionate to everyone by nature. So I don't generally give people a good reason to dislike me. Usually if someone doesn't like me it's because they look down on me and think I'm too dumb for them. I find that very hurtful and shallow indeed.


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autisticelders
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10 Jun 2021, 7:27 pm

I was raised to be a people pleaser. I have had to work hard to remember that it doens't matter if a person likes you, you don't need their approval to interact with them, do business with them, to do the things you need to do when they do the things they need to do. I was taught that everybody's opinion was important, everybody's feelings, everybody's issues and agendas were more important than mine. It took therapy and lots of practice to find healthier ways of interacting or responding to others, and to not worry about if the person in question liked me. See the self assertive bill of rights, as part of the book "When I say NO I feel guilty" by Manuel J Smith. That book saved my sanity and maybe saved my life. It is OK if some people don't like you and it is OK to not like everybody else. So may of us have had to have this explained to us after lifetimes of being blamed for everything that goes wrong, everything that causes discomfort, everything that happens that is not to some other person's liking. We are not here to please those folks... we can choose how we respond to them, or we can choose not to respond at all. Self blame, self shame, self hatred, guilt, frustration, fear and anxiety can all be seen to have come from early training to appease and please others and to put our own needs and thoughts and fears behind us to make sure everybody else is happy. We can learn new and healthier ways to interact. Hope you put self care and healthy self assertiveness first, rather than worrying about if everybody else is happy with you. Best wishes!



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10 Jun 2021, 8:19 pm

I seem to notice anomalies, contradictions and hypocrisy a lot more than NTs.

When I point out these inconsistencies it's often badly received.

But they're still there existing, whether I point them out or not.



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10 Jun 2021, 8:45 pm

I've gotten used to not being liked, so while I do feel like many people don't care for me it's really not my problem.


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10 Jun 2021, 8:46 pm

I dislike myself and know other feel the same. Perhaps it's just my perception?



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10 Jun 2021, 8:49 pm

autisticelders wrote:
I was raised to be a people pleaser. I have had to work hard to remember that it doens't matter if a person likes you, you don't need their approval to interact with them, do business with them, to do the things you need to do when they do the things they need to do. I was taught that everybody's opinion was important, everybody's feelings, everybody's issues and agendas were more important than mine.!


I always feel like it's more important to prioritise what I think others needs are.. I care more about other people's need than my own, by default. Anyone else same ?



auntblabby
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10 Jun 2021, 10:47 pm

i've long since lost interest in my fellow humans.



ThisTimelessMoment
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12 Jun 2021, 8:57 am

catpiecakebutter wrote:
I don't even like myself but I like other people.


That sounds like your problem right there. That kind of view of the world will make it look like everyone hates you.

Developing self love is a difficult thing to do. It takes practice and time, but it is possible.


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12 Jun 2021, 6:03 pm

I don't do too badly, and I doubt it's healthy to worry much about not pleasing everybody all the time, but I still seem to have a special knack of annoying people without meaning to sometimes.

The most recent case was somebody on social media who posted a comment which used the terms "good" and "evil" in an absolute sense, and I waded in and said in passing that I felt that what people call "evil" just means stuff they don't personally like. Next thing, he's calling me out for being inconsistent every time I happen to remotely imply an absolute meaning to those terms. It's been weeks now, yet he was still doing that as recently as yesterday.

My reply was "I'm sorry if airing my views on absolute good and evil some weeks ago came over as so offensive that you still feel the need to keep reminding me of it." I'd have preferred to say "I was surprised you were so offended as to keep trying to get your revenge like that. If you've got a grievance then come out with it, don't hide behind childish put-downs."

I've still no idea whether the reply I actually made was too aggressive or not aggressive enough. I don't like hurting people's feelings, but I absolutely don't want to have to fit into a world where I'm expected to "go along to get along" all the time. I guess there will always be people who are committed to the schmoozy thing and they'll usually take a dislike to me once they get to know what I'm like.



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12 Jun 2021, 6:09 pm

I honestly KNOW some people do not like me.

Because they told me so.

Why should I care?


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auntblabby
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13 Jun 2021, 6:18 am

life is a lot more bearable if one can smile at the reflection in the mirror.



Lunella
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13 Jun 2021, 7:51 am

I'd rather not be liked than people lie and pretend to like me. Plus some random person not liking me isn't gonna ruin my day, I have better things to worry about.


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13 Jun 2021, 10:25 am

auntblabby wrote:
life is a lot more bearable if one can smile at the reflection in the mirror.
I flip myself off in the mirror every morning, and then smile at my reflected self.

Somehow, that makes contempt from others much more bearable, and sometimes even humorous.

Weird, huh?


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