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badRobot
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05 Jul 2021, 1:46 pm

dorkseid wrote:
I actually regressed in my late 20s because of the psychological abuse of my ex-fiancé.

Anyway, regardless of what the case may be, it is now already too late to turn my life around.

It is impossible for you have a clear judgement of whether it is too late in your current condition, while you are depressed. When you'll overcome your depression you'll see how ridiculous your reasoning is, you will regret it. You can wait another decade to find it out or you can ignore this negative bias and start right now with accomplishing something low effort and simple like sticking with basic daily exercise routine as your first step of recovery.

You are refusing this advise, and otherwise I would say "whatever, it's your choice", but the fact is, it is not your informed choice. Whatever you believe right now while you are depressed, you will not know whether this is authentic objective reasoning or just rationalization of cognitive distortions until you'll overcome your depression.



The_Face_of_Boo
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05 Jul 2021, 3:29 pm

hurtloam wrote:
ironpony wrote:
Isn't there women out there for the OP that are going through the same things though?


Yes, but how do they meet?

It's like finding a needle in a haystack.


You use a magnet.


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dorkseid
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05 Jul 2021, 5:46 pm

badRobot wrote:
You can wait another decade to find it out or you can ignore this negative bias and start right now with accomplishing something low effort and simple like sticking with basic daily exercise routine as your first step of recovery.


You've already stated that a basic daily exercise routine is not sufficient to make me attractive to women:

badRobot wrote:
I think no, in general walking several miles a day is much-much better than nothing, but it doesn't make you very fit in terms of attractiveness.



DW_a_mom
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05 Jul 2021, 5:52 pm

dorkseid wrote:
Anyway, regardless of what the case may be, it is now already too late to turn my life around.


There is no part of me that believes that and I wish you would not, either. But I’m fresh out of ideas on what to say that can help you. It seems like you don’t WANT to absorb that there could be options for you, but why? Is it your depression that refuses to allow you to consider there could be options? But if that is true, why post about it? Are you looking for someone to give you permission to go to your plan B? You aren’t going to get that because none of us buy into the premise that you have no options to enjoy a more positive life going forward.

If you are not working with a professional on your depression, please do so.


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dorkseid
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05 Jul 2021, 6:07 pm

DW_a_mom wrote:
dorkseid wrote:
Anyway, regardless of what the case may be, it is now already too late to turn my life around.


There is no part of me that believes that and I wish you would not, either. But I’m fresh out of ideas on what to say that can help you. It seems like you don’t WANT to absorb that there could be options for you, but why? Is it your depression that refuses to allow you to consider there could be options? But if that is true, why post about it? Are you looking for someone to give you permission to go to your plan B? You aren’t going to get that because none of us buy into the premise that you have no options to enjoy a more positive life going forward.

If you are not working with a professional on your depression, please do so.


What options do I have? Women my age are so removed from where I am in life that I could never relate to them, and I'm way too old for any women that still would have anything in common with me. That leaves me with nothing.



DW_a_mom
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05 Jul 2021, 6:30 pm

dorkseid wrote:
DW_a_mom wrote:
dorkseid wrote:
Anyway, regardless of what the case may be, it is now already too late to turn my life around.


There is no part of me that believes that and I wish you would not, either. But I’m fresh out of ideas on what to say that can help you. It seems like you don’t WANT to absorb that there could be options for you, but why? Is it your depression that refuses to allow you to consider there could be options? But if that is true, why post about it? Are you looking for someone to give you permission to go to your plan B? You aren’t going to get that because none of us buy into the premise that you have no options to enjoy a more positive life going forward.

If you are not working with a professional on your depression, please do so.


What options do I have? Women my age are so removed from where I am in life that I could never relate to them, and I'm way too old for any women that still would have anything in common with me. That leaves me with nothing.


I could see someone like my sister enjoying your company. A lot of men have always been attracted to her, plus she has long been financially stable, but the relationships just weren’t meant to be. You two could endlessly commiserate about the friend zone, although hers tended to start as dates and ended as friends. She also has a strong “take care of others” instinct. Now, she is, today, too old for you (as much as age is just a number, I KNOW you can’t be interested in a woman who has passed 60), but she hasn’t changed much in 30 years and her younger self could have been happy and was likely someone you would have found attractive: slim, athletic, and VERY into video games. She isn’t a unicorn; there is surely someone out there of a more appropriate age that is a lot like her. So yes I believe someone exists, I just can’t promise life will put you in each other’s paths.

I wouldn’t be so sure of what I write if I hadn’t been writing with a vision in my head.


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dorkseid
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05 Jul 2021, 8:37 pm

DW_a_mom wrote:
dorkseid wrote:
DW_a_mom wrote:
dorkseid wrote:
Anyway, regardless of what the case may be, it is now already too late to turn my life around.


There is no part of me that believes that and I wish you would not, either. But I’m fresh out of ideas on what to say that can help you. It seems like you don’t WANT to absorb that there could be options for you, but why? Is it your depression that refuses to allow you to consider there could be options? But if that is true, why post about it? Are you looking for someone to give you permission to go to your plan B? You aren’t going to get that because none of us buy into the premise that you have no options to enjoy a more positive life going forward.

If you are not working with a professional on your depression, please do so.


What options do I have? Women my age are so removed from where I am in life that I could never relate to them, and I'm way too old for any women that still would have anything in common with me. That leaves me with nothing.


I could see someone like my sister enjoying your company. A lot of men have always been attracted to her, plus she has long been financially stable, but the relationships just weren’t meant to be. You two could endlessly commiserate about the friend zone, although hers tended to start as dates and ended as friends. She also has a strong “take care of others” instinct. Now, she is, today, too old for you (as much as age is just a number, I KNOW you can’t be interested in a woman who has passed 60), but she hasn’t changed much in 30 years and her younger self could have been happy and was likely someone you would have found attractive: slim, athletic, and VERY into video games. She isn’t a unicorn; there is surely someone out there of a more appropriate age that is a lot like her. So yes I believe someone exists, I just can’t promise life will put you in each other’s paths.

I wouldn’t be so sure of what I write if I hadn’t been writing with a vision in my head.


Now you're making assumptions that slim and athletic is what I'm into.



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05 Jul 2021, 9:21 pm

What's so bad about being single anyway?


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cyberdad
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05 Jul 2021, 9:22 pm

RetroGamer87 wrote:
What's so bad about being single anyway?


Nothing



DW_a_mom
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05 Jul 2021, 9:26 pm

dorkseid wrote:

Now you're making assumptions that slim and athletic is what I'm into.


Now you seem to be intentionally missing the point. The exact characteristics that made her attractive to men aren’t the point, just the fact that she was (and is, in her age range). The point being I can envision someone out there that you won’t feel you are “settling” for.

Being single does not mean someone is unworthy or a discard.

Sometimes fantastic and attractive women stay single simply because luck of the draw hasn’t introduced them to their matching piece.


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05 Jul 2021, 10:17 pm

cyberdad wrote:
RetroGamer87 wrote:
What's so bad about being single anyway?


Nothing


The problem isn't simply being single. Its remaining single for my entire life. I never have and never will get to experience physical or emotional intimacy with a woman.

DW_a_mom wrote:
dorkseid wrote:

Now you're making assumptions that slim and athletic is what I'm into.


Now you seem to be intentionally missing the point. The exact characteristics that made her attractive to men aren’t the point, just the fact that she was (and is, in her age range). The point being I can envision someone out there that you won’t feel you are “settling” for.


If that was possible, someone would have been interested in me in the past 12 years.

DW_a_mom wrote:
Being single does not mean someone is unworthy or a discard.

Sometimes fantastic and attractive women stay single simply because luck of the draw hasn’t introduced them to their matching piece.


What do you mean by staying single? Some people have not yet found anything that's lasted long-term, but they still do attract potential partners and have short-lived relationships and sexual encounters. While others (like me) remain single because nobody is ever attracted to them or wants to date or sleep with them at all.

In my experience, people remain single for this long for one of two reasons: either they're too picky or they're undesirable.



RetroGamer87
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05 Jul 2021, 11:23 pm

dorkseid wrote:
cyberdad wrote:
RetroGamer87 wrote:
What's so bad about being single anyway?


Nothing


The problem isn't simply being single. Its remaining single for my entire life. I never have and never will get to experience physical or emotional intimacy with a woman.


I thought you already did. You mentioned having an ex.


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DW_a_mom
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06 Jul 2021, 1:34 am

dorkseid wrote:
cyberdad wrote:
RetroGamer87 wrote:
What's so bad about being single anyway?


Nothing


The problem isn't simply being single. Its remaining single for my entire life. I never have and never will get to experience physical or emotional intimacy with a woman.


You insist on concluding that, but you do not actually know that. You could alter your odds if you wanted to, as many posters have suggested.

DW_a_mom wrote:
dorkseid wrote:

Quote:
Now you're making assumptions that slim and athletic is what I'm into.


Now you seem to be intentionally missing the point. The exact characteristics that made her attractive to men aren’t the point, just the fact that she was (and is, in her age range). The point being I can envision someone out there that you won’t feel you are “settling” for.


If that was possible, someone would have been interested in me in the past 12 years.


I disagree. You went through a lot of different situations in the past 12 years that all altered the formula but no longer apply. You aren't the same today as you were then. You only see the negative in the differences - that you are older - but there are positives, as well.

Quote:
DW_a_mom wrote:
Being single does not mean someone is unworthy or a discard.

Sometimes fantastic and attractive women stay single simply because luck of the draw hasn’t introduced them to their matching piece.


What do you mean by staying single? Some people have not yet found anything that's lasted long-term, but they still do attract potential partners and have short-lived relationships and sexual encounters. While others (like me) remain single because nobody is ever attracted to them or wants to date or sleep with them at all.

In my experience, people remain single for this long for one of two reasons: either they're too picky or they're undesirable.


I know great women who have not had a date or attracted a partner in decades. And I think it's absolutely BS to say they are either too picky or undesirable. They have been, simply, unlucky, but have also chosen to not obsess over it and enjoy their lives as they are. I'm not going to allow you to paint your negative, doomsday assumptions onto other people. It is frustrating enough that you choose to paint it onto yourself.

"In your experience" is flawed, because you seem to apply the same inaccurate and negative lens to everything you see and hear.

How often can I repeat that finding your person has NOTHING to do with being unworthy, but everything to do with being lucky enough to find a match? Sometimes people find their person in their 70s. There is no way to know, and it says NOTHING about anyone's worthiness.

You are defeating your own chances with your stubborn insistence that it all has to do with "worthiness." NONE of it does!! !!


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badRobot
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06 Jul 2021, 2:44 am

dorkseid wrote:
You've already stated that a basic daily exercise routine is not sufficient to make me attractive to women:

Walking is not exercise, walking is low intensity physical activity. And like I said, point of simple exercise routine is to reduce you depression as the first step of recovery, not to make you irresistibly attractive to women right away:

badRobot wrote:
It is impossible for you have a clear judgement of whether it is too late in your current condition, while you are depressed. When you'll overcome your depression you'll see how ridiculous your reasoning is, you will regret it. You can wait another decade to find it out or you can ignore this negative bias and start right now with accomplishing something low effort and simple like sticking with basic daily exercise routine as your first step of recovery.



badRobot
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06 Jul 2021, 3:33 am

Benjamin the Donkey wrote:
If you're so absolutely convinced of hopelessness and refuse to even consider people's advice, why are you even posting here? Is it just a public self-pity performance?

He is depressed. His brain has hard time with experiencing positive emotions, including some aspects of reward system: motivation, grit, will power. Negative emotions prevail by default. His rational part of brain understands these emotions are not real, but can't bear with this inconsistency and has to justify, invent rational excuses matching his negative emotions. Rational part of his brain needs confirmation. When he's arguing against people here and feels like he's winning by logical reasoning, it makes it easier for him to believe these lies himself.



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06 Jul 2021, 6:39 am

badRobot wrote:
Walking is not exercise, walking is low intensity physical activity. And like I said, point of simple exercise routine is to reduce you depression as the first step of recovery, not to make you irresistibly attractive to women right away:


I have a gym membership. But they want to charge me $500/month to teach me how use the equipment and lift weights, and I can't afford that. And if I try to do that without knowing the proper way I could seriously injure myself.