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dorkseid
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05 Jul 2021, 12:38 am

badRobot wrote:
dorkseid wrote:
In order to maximize your finances, you have to already have money. I cannot pay my debt because I have NO money. I cannot save anything because I have NO money.

Do you have income? Do you have expenses? This is what you can optimize to have SOME money left every week/month to pay out your debts and/or save.

If you have debt you can even start with optimizing your debt, find ways to restructure it and take some action to reduce interest rates.

dorkseid wrote:
As I've already explained, my depression makes it impossible for me to lose weight.

Then you should start with addressing your depression first.

dorkseid wrote:
None of that will make any difference, because the stigma associated with having autism supersedes anything I can do about it. I know this from many years of personal experience.

No it doesn't I know this from many years of personal experience and from observations of people who made it despite this stigma, some even use being on the spectrum as part of their identity and as leverage to achieve their goals.

dorkseid wrote:
I have no way of knowing what constitutes as fit as someone can be to your satisfaction. However, I somehow doubt that you would consider what actually is realistic satisfactory if I were to achieve it.

I was fit when I was in my early 20s. For example, I played volleyball and some other sports games with friends in college. One time we played a game that was similar to soccer but it also incorporated elements from baseball and bowling. It did involve a lot of rigorous running. We played for hours. After a while people started getting tired and dropping out of the game, until I was one of the only two people still playing and I kept on going. Is that fit enough for you?

For most of the past 20 years of my life I did not own a vehicle, so I had to do a lot of walking. I walked to work and back every day. I walked whenever I needed to go shopping. On average, I walked several miles a day. I walked because I had no other options. Is that fit enough for you?

And despite being fit when I was younger, still no woman ever wanted to be with me.
...
I was not depressed in my early 20s, but women still didn't want to date me then either.

Why are you asking if you are fit enough for me? The question you should ask if you are fit enough for women you want to be attracted to you. But anyways, I think no, in general walking several miles a day is much-much better than nothing, but it doesn't make you very fit in terms of attractiveness.

Like a lot of people on the spectrum you are most likely a late bloomer. Probably by the time you reached maturity to be attractive to women you already got depressed and lost your best shape.

dorkseid wrote:
And I did know plenty of men who significantly less fit than me who still attracted partners. One that comes to mind is a guy named Eric. This guy was huge. Had to be over 400 lbs. Much fatter than I've ever been at any point in my life even when he was in college in his 20s. And he had an attractive girlfriends that he later married. And that's just one example. So basically I still couldn't get a girlfriend even when I was fit, while other men could still get girlfriends despite being morbidly obese. So fitness clearly has no bearing on this matter.

Every person has strengths and weaknesses. If someone makes it despite having some weakness due to having some other strengths doesn't mean this weakness has no bearing on this matter.

It could be one of your strengths, but you rule it out based on this flawed logic.

dorkseid wrote:
I've known men who were morbidly obese who had girlfriends. I've known men who struggled financially who had girlfriends. I've known men who struggled with depression, bipolar disorder, and/or schizophrenia who still had girlfriends. So clearly none of these issues have anything to do with why I can never get a girlfriend. There is only one population in which the chronic inability to attract a partner is consistently present, and that is men with ASD.

No, there are many men with ASD, who have girlfriends.


There are various confounding factors that may explain why a certain minority of autistic men are married or have girlfriends. For instance, someone may be autistic but extremely successful financially, like Elon Musk. Or some of these men may have settled for undesirable women who don't have better prospects. I addressed this topic in more detail here:

viewtopic.php?t=398352

I get there are things I could have done to improve my chances 10 years ago. But none of that will do anything to help me now that I'm already aged out of the market. I'm too old for the college crowd, but have nothing in common with other people my own age. Even when I've been to events that cater specifically to older singles, I was the only person there without a mortgage and a kid in college. Just tonight I went out to a bar and had some drinks. But side from a bar tender asking for my order, nobody even seemed to notice I was there.



dorkseid
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05 Jul 2021, 1:02 am

DW_a_mom wrote:

I personally think the media sells the images that it wants people to want. Even when it reflects instinctual preferences, it plays to the worse of them, not the best of them.


If the media wasn't offering people what they want, it would not be profitable or successful.

DW_a_mom wrote:
Posters are trying to give you something tangible to do that can fix concerns you, yourself, have stated. If your self-confidence is down because of your weight, changing your weight will help your self-confidence, and having more self-confidence is likely to increase your odds. Plus, working out will make you feel better, overall, and that is a good thing. It will help mitigate your depression and make you feel better about yourself. Do it for your health, not because you think society demands it, and not because you think it will attract women.


As I've already explained, I used to being fit and women still rejected me. So being physically fit will not make me feel any more confident, since I know that physical fitness does nothing to make women attracted to me.

DW_a_mom wrote:
Walking is a great way to start. It just ... feels GOOD. Helps people sort out their thoughts and find solutions, too. Maybe not the first day, but it will. If it inspires you to take other actions to improve your overall health, all the better.


Again, I regularly walked several miles a day for many years. And women still rejected me.

DW_a_mom wrote:
A few small changes can be a start to enjoying your life more, and perhaps getting more of what you want out of life. Worth a try.


If I'm going to be alone forever, nothing else matters. I've already lost any sense of joy I used to get out of anything in my life.

DW_a_mom wrote:
Also, I've never said the superficial items are complete non-factors. They can do a good job of attracting customers to your store, so to speak. But they aren't the most important, not at all. Ultimately a store will make or break on the desirability of what it sells, not the lure of its advertising. The same is true with people: what is inside matters the most. With relationships, it's all about if your piece of the puzzle fits with theirs, even if you're the moldy piece decaying in a dark corner.


Okay, then let's look at what I'm selling, shall we: a broke 40-year-old virgin agoraphobic man-child with no social skills, ASD, major depression and generalized anxiety disorder, complex PTSD, and vulnerable narcissisms who is prone to emotional meltdowns, fits of rage, and suicidal ideation at the slightest hint of any kind of stressful event occurring. How does that grab you? Like you yourself just said: the lure of the advertising will not compensate for poor quality. Even if I was physically fit and attractive, that wouldn't change how much of a train wreck I actually am underneath that.



ironpony
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05 Jul 2021, 1:10 am

Isn't there women out there for the OP that are going through the same things though?



hurtloam
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05 Jul 2021, 2:28 am

ironpony wrote:
Isn't there women out there for the OP that are going through the same things though?


Yes, but how do they meet?

It's like finding a needle in a haystack.



GGPViper
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05 Jul 2021, 3:17 am

hurtloam wrote:
ironpony wrote:
Isn't there women out there for the OP that are going through the same things though?


Yes, but how do they meet?

It's like finding a needle in a haystack.

The OP has clearly stated that he is solely interested in women significantly younger than himself, so finding such a match will be difficult.



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05 Jul 2021, 3:47 am

dorkseid wrote:
As I've already explained, I used to being fit and women still rejected me. So being physically fit will not make me feel any more confident, since I know that physical fitness does nothing to make women attracted to me.

As I've already explained, when you were fit other factor made you unattractive, like it did for majority of men on the spectrum.

Being physically fit will improve your fitness and make you more confident mentally: Brain Power & Movement Link

dorkseid wrote:
I get there are things I could have done to improve my chances 10 years ago.


If you don't start right now, you will regret it again in 10 years, just like you regret doing nothing 10 years ago.



hurtloam
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05 Jul 2021, 4:37 am

GGPViper wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
ironpony wrote:
Isn't there women out there for the OP that are going through the same things though?


Yes, but how do they meet?

It's like finding a needle in a haystack.

The OP has clearly stated that he is solely interested in women significantly younger than himself, so finding such a match will be difficult.


I think he just doesn't believe that someone his own age would be interested in him. He feels younger than he is, but he doesn't realise that a lot of people feel younger than they are.

I kind of understand. If your interests are those of a younger person, I can't remember if he gave specific examples, cartoons is one that gets mentioned a lot. You would feel more comfortable with someone on your wavelength.

But, maybe there's a woman in her 30s too, interested in the same things, similar situation in life. It's possible. Hard to find, but possible. But the lack of meeting such women makes him feel he never will. I get it.

I've always related better to older people myself. I know what it is to feel out of your own time. It's a weird feeling. When you aren't like your peers it makes you feel odd and unrelatable.



DW_a_mom
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05 Jul 2021, 5:12 am

dorkseid wrote:
DW_a_mom wrote:

I personally think the media sells the images that it wants people to want. Even when it reflects instinctual preferences, it plays to the worse of them, not the best of them.


If the media wasn't offering people what they want, it would not be profitable or successful.

DW_a_mom wrote:
Posters are trying to give you something tangible to do that can fix concerns you, yourself, have stated. If your self-confidence is down because of your weight, changing your weight will help your self-confidence, and having more self-confidence is likely to increase your odds. Plus, working out will make you feel better, overall, and that is a good thing. It will help mitigate your depression and make you feel better about yourself. Do it for your health, not because you think society demands it, and not because you think it will attract women.


As I've already explained, I used to being fit and women still rejected me. So being physically fit will not make me feel any more confident, since I know that physical fitness does nothing to make women attracted to me.

DW_a_mom wrote:
Walking is a great way to start. It just ... feels GOOD. Helps people sort out their thoughts and find solutions, too. Maybe not the first day, but it will. If it inspires you to take other actions to improve your overall health, all the better.


Again, I regularly walked several miles a day for many years. And women still rejected me.

DW_a_mom wrote:
A few small changes can be a start to enjoying your life more, and perhaps getting more of what you want out of life. Worth a try.


If I'm going to be alone forever, nothing else matters. I've already lost any sense of joy I used to get out of anything in my life.

DW_a_mom wrote:
Also, I've never said the superficial items are complete non-factors. They can do a good job of attracting customers to your store, so to speak. But they aren't the most important, not at all. Ultimately a store will make or break on the desirability of what it sells, not the lure of its advertising. The same is true with people: what is inside matters the most. With relationships, it's all about if your piece of the puzzle fits with theirs, even if you're the moldy piece decaying in a dark corner.


Okay, then let's look at what I'm selling, shall we: a broke 40-year-old virgin agoraphobic man-child with no social skills, ASD, major depression and generalized anxiety disorder, complex PTSD, and vulnerable narcissisms who is prone to emotional meltdowns, fits of rage, and suicidal ideation at the slightest hint of any kind of stressful event occurring. How does that grab you? Like you yourself just said: the lure of the advertising will not compensate for poor quality. Even if I was physically fit and attractive, that wouldn't change how much of a train wreck I actually am underneath that.


I didn’t say the lure of advertising can’t compensate for poor quality, I said it can’t outweigh the desirability of what is being sold, and then clarified that when it comes to relationships it’s about finding the pieces that magically fit, even if the right piece turns out to be molding and hiding in a dark corner.

You don’t get it, it isn’t about the desirability list, it’s about what does and doesn’t happen to fit together.

Sometimes the weirdest pieces end up coming together and making a match. It can’t be predicted and it can never be ruled out. I understand your odds aren’t looking great for all the reasons you’ve mentioned, but the odds are not zero unless you CHOOSE to make them zero. That is on you, no one else. Make a more positive choice.

And fitness isn’t only about making the package look good, it is about making yourself FEEL good. You could use a little bit of endorphin magic right now.

It’s frustrating that I don’t seem to be able to communicate in a way that allows my points to reach you. You keep putting what you already think into my writing, instead of actually understanding what I’m saying.


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dorkseid
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05 Jul 2021, 9:56 am

badRobot wrote:
As I've already explained, when you were fit other factor made you unattractive, like it did for majority of men on the spectrum.


And every one of those other factors is still present. And on top that I'm now much older but still practically a virgin with no relationship/bedroom experience and no money or financial security. And all the additional years of unemployment, homelessness, and social rejection and abuse have made my psychological issues much worse and more noticeable then they were in my early 20s.

badRobot wrote:
Being physically fit will improve your fitness and make you more confident mentally: Brain Power & Movement Link

No. I already know from past experience that being physically fit did nothing to make women attracted to me before, so it won't do anything to improve my confidence with women now.

badRobot wrote:
If you don't start right now, you will regret it again in 10 years, just like you regret doing nothing 10 years ago.


I'm already too old and aged out of the dating market. It's already too late for anything I start now to make a difference.



Benjamin the Donkey
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05 Jul 2021, 10:02 am

dorkseid wrote:
badRobot wrote:
As I've already explained, when you were fit other factor made you unattractive, like it did for majority of men on the spectrum.


And every one of those other factors is still present. And on top that I'm now much older but still practically a virgin with no relationship/bedroom experience and no money or financial security. And all the additional years of unemployment, homelessness, and social rejection and abuse have made my psychol⁶ogical issues much worse and more noticeable then they were in my early 20s.

badRobot wrote:
Being physically fit will improve your fitness and make you more confident mentally: Brain Power & Movement Link

No. I already know from past experience that being physically fit did nothing to make women attracted to me before, so it won't do anything to improve my confidence with women now.

badRobot wrote:
If you don't start right now, you will regret it again in 10 years, just like you regret doing nothing 10 years ago.


I'm already too old and aged out of the dating market. It's already too late for anything I start now to make a difference.


If you're so absolutely convinced of hopelessness and refuse to even consider people's advice, why are you even posting here? Is it just a public self-pity performance?


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05 Jul 2021, 10:12 am

DW_a_mom wrote:
I didn’t say the lure of advertising can’t compensate for poor quality, I said it can’t outweigh the desirability of what is being sold, and then clarified that when it comes to relationships it’s about finding the pieces that magically fit, even if the right piece turns out to be molding and hiding in a dark corner.


Whatever semantics you want to use for it, the point is that I'm an emotional train wreck with nothing to offer.

And by the way, magic is not a real thing.

DW_a_mom wrote:
You don’t get it, it isn’t about the desirability list, it’s about what does and doesn’t happen to fit together.


If that was possible for me, something would've happened by now. Even if it wasn't something that lasted in the long term, there would have been one or two women over the years who saw something in me.

DW_a_mom wrote:
Sometimes the weirdest pieces end up coming together and making a match. It can’t be predicted and it can never be ruled out. I understand your odds aren’t looking great for all the reasons you’ve mentioned, but the odds are not zero unless you CHOOSE to make them zero. That is on you, no one else. Make a more positive choice.


Or maybe undesirable men and undesirable women just get desperate enough to settle for each other. That's why I dated my ex.



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05 Jul 2021, 10:24 am

dorkseid wrote:
And every one of those other factors is still present. And on top that I'm now much older but still practically a virgin with no relationship/bedroom experience and no money or financial security. And all the additional years of unemployment, homelessness, and social rejection and abuse have made my psychological issues much worse and more noticeable then they were in my early 20s.


You are wrong. I strongly believe by the time you reached maturity to be in intimate relationship with a woman, probably in your late twenties, you got depressed. Young women are not attracted to people who have emotional maturity of a 10 year old, but intellectual development of a 'square' 40 year old man. This is the case with a lot of men on the spectrum.

Old factors are not present anymore, now the main factor is your learned helplessness, the fact that you've gave up trying.



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05 Jul 2021, 10:50 am

badRobot wrote:
dorkseid wrote:
And every one of those other factors is still present. And on top that I'm now much older but still practically a virgin with no relationship/bedroom experience and no money or financial security. And all the additional years of unemployment, homelessness, and social rejection and abuse have made my psychological issues much worse and more noticeable then they were in my early 20s.


You are wrong. I strongly believe by the time you reached maturity to be in intimate relationship with a woman, probably in your late twenties, you got depressed. Young women are not attracted to people who have emotional maturity of a 10 year old, but intellectual development of a 'square' 40 year old man. This is the case with a lot of men on the spectrum.

Old factors are not present anymore, now the main factor is your learned helplessness, the fact that you've gave up trying.


I was homeless in my late 20s.



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05 Jul 2021, 11:12 am

dorkseid wrote:
I was homeless in my late 20s.

That explains a lot. You've been through a lot, you have a lot of experience, not very positive, but it means you've matured A LOT since your teens and yearly 20s. You are not the same clueless kid. You didn't notice how you've changed because you've been depressed for a long time. Now depression is the main factor, you can do your best to overcome it, it will help you to reassess your situation objectively and achieve your goals. You can achieve a lot in your life just as if would starting in your early 20s, but now you are mature, you have experience, you have education and job under your tool belt.



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05 Jul 2021, 1:08 pm

I actually regressed in my late 20s because of the psychological abuse of my ex-fiancé.

Anyway, regardless of what the case may be, it is now already too late to turn my life around.