I Dont Know If I Like My Girlfriend And Want To Date Her

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Muse933277
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13 Jun 2021, 3:07 pm

I'm a 25 year old male who lives in Canada and about a month ago, I got my first ever girlfriend and this is the first girl I have ever dated in my life. Growing up, I was a short skinny nerd with autism who was naturally cautious and reserved. As a result, I wasn't a hit with the ladies and in fact, I was rejected by every single woman that I asked out. Desperate to change my dating woes, I took to a niche online dating website. I won't go into too much detail but I met my girlfriend through this website and we began a long distance relationship after only a couple weeks of texting and audio chatting each other every single day.

While I'm happy that I finally got my first girlfriend, the relationship itself doesn't seem that fulfilling in certain ways. She's a really great girl; she's nice, emotionally intelligent, level headed, easy to talk to, and we share a similar sense of humor. On a social and intellectual level, we are a good match for each other. The reason the relationship doesn't feel fulfilling is because of the lack of intimacy; She lives in a completely different country and I have yet to meet her in person. Even if we did meet in person, because of her religious beliefs, she wants to remain a virgin until marriage. Even though I am a virgin as well, I want to be able to experience sex and intimacy without getting locked down in marriage because I have to know someone for at least 2+ years before I even consider marrying them. She also wants to get married and have kids and while I want that eventually, I'm not sure that I'm ready to get married and settle down yet since I'm still in college and still figuring out what I want to do with my life.

I keep going back and forth on whether or not to end the relationship with my girlfriend and it's been this way for the past two weeks. I like all of the positive social qualities about her but because she lives so far away and she's waiting until marriage, I'm not sure if I can commit to celibacy before our wedding night. I also don't really feel intense love for my girlfriend nor do I feel in love with her. I enjoy spending time with her but it just doesn't feel right if that makes sense.

One reason why I'm reluctant to break up with her is because of fear. You have to remember, I was the short skinny nerd with autism who struggled with women and that's the reason why I became a 25 year old virgin in the first place. As a result, I fear that if I break up with her, it might take a long time before I find another woman to date. I'm not a "normie" and certainly not a chad so I can't just make a Tinder account and have 100+ matches and a line of steady dates to go on. Another reason why I fear ending things with her is because what if I regret breaking up with her later down the line? She might be a really great girl and that it was a mistake to break up with her.


I honestly don't know what to do.



kraftiekortie
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13 Jun 2021, 3:16 pm

I’d stay with her. You seem to like her.

Sex is not all that it’s made out to be. Sex has never been the most important part of any of my relationships. Many times, the “chase” is even more thrilling than the actual “act.”

If you feel horny, do what I’ve been doing for 46 years when I’ve been deprived of physical intimacy, and which has given me considerable satisfaction, and which has made me not hanker for a lady so much that it hurts.



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13 Jun 2021, 5:37 pm

Most men aren’t “chads” via the conventional definition of “chads.”



Texasmoneyman300
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14 Jun 2021, 12:49 am

Muse933277 wrote:
I'm a 25 year old male who lives in Canada and about a month ago, I got my first ever girlfriend and this is the first girl I have ever dated in my life. Growing up, I was a short skinny nerd with autism who was naturally cautious and reserved. As a result, I wasn't a hit with the ladies and in fact, I was rejected by every single woman that I asked out. Desperate to change my dating woes, I took to a niche online dating website. I won't go into too much detail but I met my girlfriend through this website and we began a long distance relationship after only a couple weeks of texting and audio chatting each other every single day.

While I'm happy that I finally got my first girlfriend, the relationship itself doesn't seem that fulfilling in certain ways. She's a really great girl; she's nice, emotionally intelligent, level headed, easy to talk to, and we share a similar sense of humor. On a social and intellectual level, we are a good match for each other. The reason the relationship doesn't feel fulfilling is because of the lack of intimacy; She lives in a completely different country and I have yet to meet her in person. Even if we did meet in person, because of her religious beliefs, she wants to remain a virgin until marriage. Even though I am a virgin as well, I want to be able to experience sex and intimacy without getting locked down in marriage because I have to know someone for at least 2+ years before I even consider marrying them. She also wants to get married and have kids and while I want that eventually, I'm not sure that I'm ready to get married and settle down yet since I'm still in college and still figuring out what I want to do with my life.

I keep going back and forth on whether or not to end the relationship with my girlfriend and it's been this way for the past two weeks. I like all of the positive social qualities about her but because she lives so far away and she's waiting until marriage, I'm not sure if I can commit to celibacy before our wedding night. I also don't really feel intense love for my girlfriend nor do I feel in love with her. I enjoy spending time with her but it just doesn't feel right if that makes sense.

One reason why I'm reluctant to break up with her is because of fear. You have to remember, I was the short skinny nerd with autism who struggled with women and that's the reason why I became a 25 year old virgin in the first place. As a result, I fear that if I break up with her, it might take a long time before I find another woman to date. I'm not a "normie" and certainly not a chad so I can't just make a Tinder account and have 100+ matches and a line of steady dates to go on. Another reason why I fear ending things with her is because what if I regret breaking up with her later down the line? She might be a really great girl and that it was a mistake to break up with her.


I honestly don't know what to do.

I would not date her if you do not like her but hey thats just me.



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14 Jun 2021, 1:24 am

Well kind of sounds like it would be a good match, if you guys were close enough to actually meet. But well truth be told in my experience at least long distance type relationships are more likely to not work out than to work out.

Probably would be best to break it off, I mean can you realistically meet here anytime soon or can she come to you? Like I mean you cannot build a real fulfilling relationship on the basis of 'maybe we will meet IRL someday' and well I mean it doesn't really feel like you are dating someone if you never get to actually see them ever.


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Muse933277
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14 Jun 2021, 5:35 pm

Sweetleaf wrote:
Well kind of sounds like it would be a good match, if you guys were close enough to actually meet. But well truth be told in my experience at least long distance type relationships are more likely to not work out than to work out.

Probably would be best to break it off, I mean can you realistically meet here anytime soon or can she come to you? Like I mean you cannot build a real fulfilling relationship on the basis of 'maybe we will meet IRL someday' and well I mean it doesn't really feel like you are dating someone if you never get to actually see them ever.




She lives in The Philippines and I live in the United States. I'm 90% sure that she isn't a scammer because she hasn't asked me for money once and if she did, I'd break up with her.

She can't come to the United States because it would be very hard for her to get a visa to come visit me, unless we get engaged or married. It would be easier for me to go to her but as of right now, they don't allow tourists into The Philippines. I'm hoping that I can visit her sometime in January but because of school, I can only visit her in early January or sometime in the summer after I'm done with school. Money isn't an issue as thanks to a sizeable inheritance, I can definitely afford the $4000 to go see her.



God damn, online relationships are hard! I just want to have sex god damnit!



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14 Jun 2021, 5:49 pm

Muse933277 wrote:
=

God damn, online relationships are hard! I just want to have sex god damnit!
:heart: :P

The question is, if you break up with her would you still want to meet other women from the Philippines?

Chances are the same issue will keep recurring, since you aren't able to travel there for such a long time.



Muse933277
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14 Jun 2021, 6:47 pm

IsabellaLinton wrote:

The question is, if you break up with her would you still want to meet other women from the Philippines?

Chances are the same issue will keep recurring, since you aren't able to travel there for such a long time.




I don't really know what I want to be honest. This is my first ever relationship so I'm not sure what's normal and abnormal in a relationship. For all we know, this could be the nicest and most emotionally mature woman that I ever date and if I broke up with her, i'll never find another woman as good as her.

I mean let's be realistic. I'm a 5 ft 3 guy with autism who's a solid 5/10 attractiveness wise and with a naturally quiet and passive personality. The reason why I took to international dating in the first place was because I simply didn't have any luck with dating in my home country due to the above shortcomings that I have and I thought finding love in The Philippines would be easier.


It turns out that I was right. Dating is 10x easier in the Philippines than it is in Canada. I signed up for a Filipino online dating site and found a girlfriend in 2 months which is something that would NEVER happen in the west. The problem is that because this is the first girl I've ever dated, i'm not sure if I am capable of finding another girl in The Philippines who I am attracted to, wants to have sex, and is marriage material. I don't know if I got very lucky finding my girlfriend early on, or I can easily find someone else even if we break up. I have no idea and this is why I am worried about breaking up with my girlfriend.


This is why it's such a tough decision to make.


I want to be physically and sexually intimate with someone because i'm tired of being a kissless virgin.



Muse933277
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14 Jun 2021, 7:17 pm

I was sitting in my room and outside, a couple showed up to the pool to go swimming. The women took off her clothes to reveal a bikini that she wore along with a nice big round ass. I watched her over and over as she kissed her boyfriend, and revealed that nice and sexy figure of hers. Female beauty is so mesmerizing that I can't help but be in awe of it.

I bet afterwards, they'll go back to the apartment and have lots of intimacy and sex. She'll moan and beg him to pound her harder.


That's what I want. I want to be sexually intimate with someone and to experience the pleasure of a naked female body next to mine. I've been deprived of this feeling for too long.



That's why it's so hard for me. I wish I was taller and better looking because then I could find a hot girlfriend and have lots of sex with her.



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15 Jun 2021, 1:16 am

All 3 relationships I had started as long distance & I sure know that LDRs can be very challenging sometimes, especially when you know that you won't be able to be physically together for quite a while. The difficulty with being physically away from each other was a major factor as to why my 1st two relationships fell apart. Thankfully me & my current girlfriend were able to meet up more often & were able to move in together after a little over half a year instead of our relationship crashing & burning after half a year like my other two did. I was single for 8 years straight despite my best effort to find anyone after me & my 1st girlfriend broke up. That was major hell for me, especially after a couple years & me knowing that my 1st girlfriend would of graduated by that point & things would of been a lot easier for us to move in together if we would of still been a couple. If given a choice of doing the LDR thing for a couple years before moving in together & getting married vs 8 years straight of being single & lonely, I probably would choice the LDR but it is extremely likely that our relationship would of fell apart within the 1st year no matter how good my mental health was & how much I tried to make things work. I sure can NOT predict the future though.

I have an alternative idea for you Muse that you may or may not be able to apply. It sounds like you might have your life kinda together rite now or are in the process of making it so. You do have the money to travel that huge distance. Would you be able to afford to get married & have her move in with you rite now if you two had known each other for two years & were sexually compatible & everything? If so perhaps you could find a woman to move in with you rite now. Maybe a good girl down on her luck. That idea(or similar) was suggested to me lots of times when I was complaining about being single & I would of pursued that if I would of had my own place. It would of been a hell of aLOT better than being alone.
You would not have to get married for a while, lots of couples move in together unmarried these days.
I seen something like this work for a disabled guy on a forum I used. He was fairly independent but struggled majorly with relationships due to his disabilities. 1ce women found out about his conditions & that there was a chance things could get worse, that was always the end of any chance he had with them. He had been advised by docs not to live alone incase something were to happen even though he made decent money & could mostly take care of himself. There was a woman on the forum who was getting ready to graduated high-school & she was gonna be homeless after graduating. Her home life had been abusive(family had drug &/or alcohol problems). Going to college was not really an option for her cuz her grades were bad, she had no family willing to cosign for student loans, she had very little money, & no official employment history. Finding a job when you only have a high-school diploma & no employment history can be extremely difficult, especially one that pays a bit more than minimum-wage where you can afford housing, food, & utilities. A lot of us on the forum felt sorry for her & my friend had a roommate who was moving out & he felt bad for her as well & needed someone around so he offered to let her stay with him for a while. He was hoping things would turn into a romantic relationship but he figured even if they would not, at least he'd be able to help her out for a while & have somebody to hang out with. He was a very respectable guy & was not wanting to use her for sex or anything like that either. They got in a relationship after she had been there a little while & she started working then as well, either at his company or a company affiliated with his. She wanting to work to feel more independent & to help out with things. He was being supportive & not pressuring her or anything. About a year later they were getting married. She said on the forum 1ce that she would not of given him a chance if her circumstances were different because she was worried about his disabilities getting worse, she woulda been worried about their age difference since she was 18 & he was about 30, & he was not her type physically or personality wise. She fell for him after a while though because of how sweet he was to her.

I'm not telling you what to do Muse, just giving you various angles to consider.


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Valforwing
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16 Jun 2021, 10:36 pm

I dated my partner for about what would have been 8 years this month. U had known him for years and years but he never told me how He felt about me or tried any moves. When we started dating we ended up having sex together for the first time after only a month. After that it was constant at least once or twice a week. But while sex is nice you have to look for more then just sex or else it will fall apart horribly. He had a lot of fetishes (anal) that I accepted and was fine with indulging with the right care taken for my comfort. But his biggest fetish was a pregnancy fetish and after a while he obsessed into the fetish to the point that He once asked me to throw away my pills. I eventually had a beautiful baby boy with him. But his fetishes were still there and I couldn’t have the super intense sex like we used to because i was still recovering from the surgery. In the end he cared only for sex and has seemingly broken it off with me. Don’t let sex be everything. It’s amazing it’s beautiful it’s wonderful! But take it slowly make it last! Try different things but don’t ever guilt them into trying new things. There is nothing wrong with masterbation either. I recommend an item called the tenga egg. I bought one for him early in our relationship That he loved but his fetishes eventually became more important.



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14 Jul 2021, 11:17 am

Muse933277 wrote:
I'm a 25 year old male who lives in Canada and about a month ago, I got my first ever girlfriend and this is the first girl I have ever dated in my life. Growing up, I was a short skinny nerd with autism who was naturally cautious and reserved. As a result, I wasn't a hit with the ladies and in fact, I was rejected by every single woman that I asked out. Desperate to change my dating woes, I took to a niche online dating website. I won't go into too much detail but I met my girlfriend through this website and we began a long distance relationship after only a couple weeks of texting and audio chatting each other every single day.

While I'm happy that I finally got my first girlfriend, the relationship itself doesn't seem that fulfilling in certain ways. She's a really great girl; she's nice, emotionally intelligent, level headed, easy to talk to, and we share a similar sense of humor. On a social and intellectual level, we are a good match for each other. The reason the relationship doesn't feel fulfilling is because of the lack of intimacy; She lives in a completely different country and I have yet to meet her in person. Even if we did meet in person, because of her religious beliefs, she wants to remain a virgin until marriage. Even though I am a virgin as well, I want to be able to experience sex and intimacy without getting locked down in marriage because I have to know someone for at least 2+ years before I even consider marrying them. She also wants to get married and have kids and while I want that eventually, I'm not sure that I'm ready to get married and settle down yet since I'm still in college and still figuring out what I want to do with my life.

I keep going back and forth on whether or not to end the relationship with my girlfriend and it's been this way for the past two weeks. I like all of the positive social qualities about her but because she lives so far away and she's waiting until marriage, I'm not sure if I can commit to celibacy before our wedding night. I also don't really feel intense love for my girlfriend nor do I feel in love with her. I enjoy spending time with her but it just doesn't feel right if that makes sense.

One reason why I'm reluctant to break up with her is because of fear. You have to remember, I was the short skinny nerd with autism who struggled with women and that's the reason why I became a 25 year old virgin in the first place. As a result, I fear that if I break up with her, it might take a long time before I find another woman to date. I'm not a "normie" and certainly not a chad so I can't just make a Tinder account and have 100+ matches and a line of steady dates to go on. Another reason why I fear ending things with her is because what if I regret breaking up with her later down the line? She might be a really great girl and that it was a mistake to break up with her.


I honestly don't know what to do.



This is by no means professional advice so I don't know if this is the right thing to say. It sounds like a lot of the concern stems from a difference in values and what you want out of your life experience (ex not wanting to wait until marriage to have sex). Your partner is realistically not going to change her mind which will only make your desires grow stronger and ultimately may come to resent her and your relationship.

I don't believe it is healthy to stay in a relationship due to fear of the scarcity mentality (that you will end up alone if you don't make it work with your current gf). Instead of fearing losing a "really great girl" imagine losing yourself to an unhappy relationship. The narrative has too long been about finding a partner but the reality is that it is perfectly fine to be happy and live the single life. Don't fear ending up alone, fear ending up in an unhappy relationship that hampers your quality of life.

One helpful tip is to write down your wants/desires that you are willing to compromise on vs what you are not willing to compromise on and see if the relationship is compatible in that way. If not, it is probably best for your mental health to pursue something that aligns with your values.



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15 Jul 2021, 6:38 am

Hi. You do seem mainly interested in having sex rather than a broader relationship. Women are only likely to be interested in a purely sexual encounter if you are immediately sexually attractive. From your self-description, this is unlikely to be the case. You are more likely to attract a partner if you get to know one another as equal individuals, but then she is likely to feel a bit conned when she finds out you just want sex. It would not be fair to treat anyone like that. Is there is solution? Perhaps to tone down your expectations of how great sex will immediately be. It really is best with someone you know and trust.



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16 Jul 2021, 11:15 am

Muse933277 wrote:
God damn, online relationships are hard! I just want to have sex god damnit!
Dude. She's too far away. Especially during the 'rona. Try dating within your own zip code.

IsabellaLinton wrote:
The question is, if you break up with her would you still want to meet other women from the Philippines?
If he's into pinays maybe he should just move there. Then he can meet as many women as he likes.


Also I know this is probably a dead thread but if Muse is still chatting to this girl, he should ask about her values. In my experience some Filipinas can be very traditional Catholics of very traditional Iglesia Ni Cristo. He might find himself frustrated right up until their wedding night.


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16 Jul 2021, 11:29 am

Muse933277 wrote:
I'm a 25 year old male who lives in Canada and about a month ago, I got my first ever girlfriend [...] She lives in a completely different country and I have yet to meet her in person. [...]
You do not have a girlfriend.  You have an Internet penpal.


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16 Jul 2021, 11:35 am

I just hope she doesn't start asking for money to help her sick grandmother.


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