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CinderashAutomaton
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16 Jun 2021, 6:10 am

I wrote this...reflective piece based on a song I've been listening to on and off for a long time, and how things changed over time.

*Warning for those whose mental health may be in a bad place!*

When first these sounds were found, it was an utterly beautiful dance of fires above stacked logs, and blown snow outside clear, frosted windows. Bittersweet, but warm, joyful and although a little regretful, with a sense of acceptance.

Time passes.

It became a small flame of happiness and safety, to huddle around in times of struggle. A warm balm to an injured soul. Hope and longing, keeping eyes looking forward.

Time passes.

Just a touch of its heat was enough to inflame the gaping wounds covering the body, exposing a desperate, trembling soul. But indifferent to the pain, it clutched tightly to another of its precious things it was losing. And so it burned.

Times passes.

Flayed in fire, eyes exposed, nerves served as just another fuel, a body skinned in ash trudged along aimlessly. A mere memory of the sounds remained with it, but the only thing now set a-dance were horror filled eyes. Still yet a life seeking life, it ran away and retreated., least a muse within the sounds sent it to its final wintry path.

Lost in time,

A creature of ash and embers with barely discernible features slowly wanders a cold, empty cave far atop a distant mountain. An evanescing mind revels in its memories of once burning brightly. Recalling a fire it once knew, it calls to the wind the sounds it once heard, gingerly listening once more. It looks down to its charred hands, clenching them in solidarity of what it once was. A cracked, unfamiliar voice softly utters "...no more pain."

Time passes.

A stony figure sits atop a grassy hill overlooking a strange forest and distant civilization. From between cracks in its visage, interspersed between the remnants of ash and ember, the warmth of new life emanates. Head bowed, the figure raises its hands to its ears. Sounds of civilization and people come to it, and it listens. Familiar sounds enter its mind, and it remembers dancing. Clumsy lips mutely form the shapes, to say, "...maybe."


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techstepgenr8tion
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16 Jun 2021, 10:44 pm

Reading that I've got a song you might get a kick out of. It's one that hit me in a way that I couldn't listen without tearing up if I was listening in private. You might get some of how it correlates to your poem:


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Spunge42
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16 Jun 2021, 10:46 pm

That was really beautiful, thank you for sharing. Do you mind sharing the song?


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CinderashAutomaton
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16 Jun 2021, 11:29 pm

@techstepgenr8tion
I do. I feel ya.

@Spunge42
Thank you! It means a lot to me to hear that someone can see that.

My bad, I meant to drop the video along with the poem. I guess my brain was still elsewhere.


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Spunge42
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16 Jun 2021, 11:52 pm

CinderashAutomaton wrote:
@techstepgenr8tion
I do. I feel ya.

@Spunge42
Thank you! It means a lot to me to hear that someone can see that.

My bad, I meant to drop the video along with the poem. I guess my brain was still elsewhere.



That was a beautiful song! I liked it so much I listened to it twice already. I'm definitely going to check out more of this artist. :heart:

I hope it's ok to share a song in return as thanks for sharing. This is a song I've listened to a lot the last couple years, it always calms me, well most of Hammock's music calms me. Anyway, the meaning for me has definitely changed over time though. I love how your poem showed that so well. That the same song can evoke different emotions at different times in your life.


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In my darkest hour I reached for a hand and found a paw.

"I sat with my anger long enough, until she told me her real name was grief."


CinderashAutomaton
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17 Jun 2021, 12:43 am

@Spunge42
Next to 'Be Here', my second favorite of theirs is 'The Feast'. There's a really well done short-film they did called 'Afterword', too. ( Also some of their songs aren't on their channel. Their work is pretty diverse.)

Sharing in return is always welcome :D

I love the pace and story of 'I Could Hear The Water At The Edge Of All Things'.

Sadly, the sound is too heavy for me. Some things to do with my empathy and emotional resilience broke, somewhere along the 3rd and 4rth paragraph of my poem. This song, unfortunately, falls into the box of things I can't watch/listen to very much. Thankfully not for 4rth paragraph reasons. I'll just need to take a nap if I push it.

But I can see how it could mean different things to you over time. Something like a scenic spot you visit to get away from things, which witnesses you at different points in your life. (btw, time just so happens to be one of my long-time special interests)

There's this neat old story called The Giving Tree. After I finished my poem it reminded me of that story, of things watching the lives of the people that visit it over time.


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Spunge42
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21 Jun 2021, 4:55 pm

I understand what you mean about the song being heavy. Their more recent music is definitely heavier emotionally than their older work. I know they both had some serious loss in their lives and it most definitely translates to their music. They even said getting it out there was a healing and cathartic process.

For people in a bad place don't read the spoiler.

I had 3 major losses in a short time frame and the last one left me devastated and I had a massive burnout and seemingly endless succession of shutdowns. Hammock's music kind of mirrored how I was feeling at the time.

I was stuck as my good friend calls it in a "depressed angry spiral maze". A maze you should be fighting and scratching your way out of. But instead you willing walk deeper into. The deeper you get the darker it is and the more it draws you in. That abyss of cloying despair that you want to give into but know you shouldn't. I stayed near the center of that for longer than I'd like to admit. Hammock's music almost felt like an old friend joining me on that journey. The only one that stayed.

But one day I woke up with my face buried in my sweet Appa's fluffy fur and realized I was not alone. I never had been. I had a family and friends that loved me and G-d had not abandoned me either. I had abandoned myself and everyone and everything else. Listening to their music again still feels somber but there is hopefulness in it.


I listened the feast from Ralf hildenbeutal and few more. I really enjoyed the song ease.

I've been listening to a lot of Tony Anderson lately too when winding down for the night. His music isn't as heavy. Here's one of my favorites.


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In my darkest hour I reached for a hand and found a paw.

"I sat with my anger long enough, until she told me her real name was grief."


CinderashAutomaton
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21 Jun 2021, 10:27 pm

Is it alright if I send you an internet hug?

Spoiler warning for those whose mental health may be in a bad place.

I know exactly what you mean. The downward spiral. Trapped and lost. Nothing left but the darkness, until it becomes a kind of blanket of familiarity.

I, too, have a few old dark companions. I guess while you had Hammock, I had Celldweller. Hmm, 'Be Here' wasn't quite along the same lines, though, for me. More of a...light and warmth for the injured, and a siren song for the lost.

(if you're curious about Celldweller I can introduce you to some of my old dark companions, but as you can imagine they aren't conducive to a constructive state of mind so I'll leave it to you to ask for it specifically instead of an easily accessible single click)

I'm glad you hung on past those times. It's tough to live through, tough to break out of. I hope you can express some love to your Appa for me. I, too, have my own furry friend who helped me through some tough times. Say hi to Gregory :mrgreen:
Image


Rise is beautiful! What a wonderful sound. I'm definitely checking out Tony Anderson.

It reminds me a little of some songs from Chicane, although Chicane rather enjoys its drums and electronic beats. Perhaps you'd enjoy their album, Giants.



Is it alright if I PM you every once in awhile to say hi?


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Spunge42
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21 Jun 2021, 11:43 pm

Thank you for the internet hug :heart:

I'm glad you like tony Anderson. My mom and me listen to him a lot when we're sewing or reading together. I haven't found a song of his I didn't like, it's all so beautiful.

I will definitely check out chicane, I am definitely a fan of drums and some electronic and trip hop too.

Also, your furbaby is beautiful! What is he a collie mix? Appa is a great pyreenes/ german shepherd mix. I don't know how to post personal pics on here or I would post some of him. It's probably good I don't know how bc I'd post to many :lol:

And yes, you can definitely pm sometime. Also, I meant to ask about your mentioning time being a special interest. I was interested in it when I was in Israel and doing a lot of Torah study especially after I met Gerald Shroeder. He's a rabbi and a theoretical physicist. His research really made sense of the world for me. I attended a few of his lectures in Israel and he spoke a lot about time and how the flow of time or our perception of it changes with the expanding of the universe. Anyway, I'd love to pick your brain about what you've learned in your research sometime, if that's OK?


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In my darkest hour I reached for a hand and found a paw.

"I sat with my anger long enough, until she told me her real name was grief."


CinderashAutomaton
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
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22 Jun 2021, 12:36 am

Surprisingly he's a purebred! The breeder got his ancestors from Scotland, who produce litters with a variety of fur lengths, and just bred them those with the extremes of long and short. His father is a furry beast while his mother is slim like him.

Appa sounds awesome! My first dog was actually a great pyreenes, the runt of the litter. And the first dog I remember as a baby was my next door neighbors german shepard! Waaa! The coincidence is wild!

(you can use https://imgur.com/ to host pictures. Click "New Post" at the top left and it'll show you a few ways to get the picture on there. After that, when you mouse over the picture, on the top right of the picture it'll say "Copy Link" and "...". Click "...", then "Get share links", and the link you want to use is the "BBCode (Forums)" one. Enjoy!)

Sure! You can PM me as well! I'd love to chat about time! :nerdy:


_________________
Thank you deeply for sharing your experiences. I don't feel so alone anymore.