How many ppl on the spectrum get married? are you Christians

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pawelk1986
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21 Jun 2021, 8:09 pm

How many ppl on the spectrum get married? are you Christians? or Theists as opposed to Atheist?

I mean in the heterosexual or homosexual way?

What does the bible say about a wedding in a Catholic church a wedding must be a church wedding, it may be a civil wedding beforehand, but a church wedding obligatory, I had an ADHD / autistic friend who married a girl with mild Asperger two years older, their parents didn't like it because she she was older, and he consumed the relationship when she was 16 and he was 14, at the age of 15 for Poland, but Polish courts do not convict when the age difference is less than 3 years.



He had ADHD / Autism but he didn't look autistic more ADHD, it is said that neurodifferents are sometimes a little perverted, she was a virgin and he was a virgin he thought he would never have a girlfriend who is a girl because often autistic people and also people with autism. ADHD does not find the other half :-(



He told her that since they are both virgins, he wants to marry her as soon as it is legally possible, i.e. when he is 18 and she is 20, their parents said that you cannot get married without being married because it is a sin, but their jaws dropped when they came to them already with a civil marriage certificate that they had entered into a civil marriage in the Registry Office, there were all official seals of the Republic of Poland, signatures, but their parents thought that if they loved each other so much, they would do it after university studies (free in Poland) that they would get married but after a master's degree or at least a bachelor's degree and what kind of wedding is it without a priest and a wedding party, and they wanted it privately and without a party, and there is not a word in the Bible text that it must be in the presence of a priest or any clergyman.



I know that Jehovah's witnesses do not recognize weddings I have some other JW friends, but for us Catholics a wedding is a serious business



Texasmoneyman300
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21 Jun 2021, 9:23 pm

i am not married but I am a Christian....I am church of Christ.I reckon i will prolly get married someday.



IsabellaLinton
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21 Jun 2021, 9:31 pm

I'm not sure I understand the question. I'm autistic and I was married in the Anglican church.



pawelk1986
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21 Jun 2021, 11:03 pm

IsabellaLinton wrote:
I'm not sure I understand the question. I'm autistic and I was married in the Anglican church.


I mean sometimes parents of ASD and ADHD are too young to have sex or get married



IsabellaLinton
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21 Jun 2021, 11:51 pm

The parents are too young to have sex and get married?

Or do you mean the parents think their kids are too young?

If a person is legal age for sex / marriage, it's none of their parents' concern. I understand being worried about your child but parents will worry about their children for the rest of their lives regardless of their age or neurotype.



mohsart
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22 Jun 2021, 12:55 pm

My guess is that it has more to do with religion and social standards ("rules") than autism/ADHD/other tings.

/Mats


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pawelk1986
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22 Jun 2021, 3:27 pm

mohsart wrote:
My guess is that it has more to do with religion and social standards ("rules") than autism/ADHD/other tings.

/Mats


I wonder how it is that autistic women blend in so easily with the NT society :P



mohsart
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22 Jun 2021, 3:37 pm

Well, I believe that it is recognized that females are better at masking.
But that has nothing to do with the question?

/Mats


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22 Jun 2021, 4:30 pm

I’m not Catholic, but I worked for a parish and attended mass weekly for the better part of two years. I know a little. :lol:

Ok...

So there’s a legal marriage and then there’s a church sanctioned marriage. The Catholic Church will not recognize a marriage as a legit marriage without it having been performed as part of a mass, basically, as a sacrament, with all the rituals and blessings that go with it. And because God Himself is responsible for the union, divorce is not allowed in the church. You can get divorced outside the church, yes, and you can also remarry, yes, but because you violate your vows in doing so you are forbidden from Eucharist. So as a Catholic person, you reeeeaaaaalllly have to ask if it’s worth it to get married or divorced, or if receiving Eucharist is worth being abused by a wife or husband for the rest of your life. There are subtle ways of getting around this, but pretty much it all has to do with how open you are about how you live. As another example of how weird Catholics can be: Homosexuality is considered an abomination. There’s no disputing that because you have to go against the Bible, and Catholics spend too much time in catechism to actually know what the Bible actually says. But Catholic practice regarding homosexuals is scripturally consistent with regard to the New Testament. Essentially, ALL are sinners in need of Blessed Virgin’s God’s grace. I believe this as well. That means nice guys like me are no worse or better than gays and infant killers. What MATTERS are the deeds you actually DO—you can say baby killing is ok as long as you don’t actually kill a baby, or you can have same-sex attraction AS LONG AS you don’t have sex. Nobody from the church is going to break down your door asking if you kill babies or to see if they can observe what you do in the privacy of your bedroom. But it MIGHT cause problems if you are openly living in a homosexual relationship and the whole church knows about it. Don’t bother asking for a job if you do. I had to sign a morality statement along with my contract for the five years I worked for them. Unlike Baptists, who really seem to hate alcohol, my Catholic friends rather encouraged my extracurricular activities. If a Baptist deacon’s wife cussed in church, people move away for fear of catching fire. But the Irish priest in the middle of a homily? Oh, haha! That’s just good old Father Tom! Seriously, we had one priest constantly after us to convert because he thought we’d be a better example to those born into the church!

Anyway...that’s pretty much it, the Church will welcome you even if you don’t plan to convert, even if you don’t have a church wedding, even if you’re gay, and a lot of people don’t understand that. You’d shouldn’t be surprised to know there are a number of gay priests...which isn’t obvious because they remain single and celibate. But they are allowed to give Eucharist because they haven’t actually DONE anything objectionable since taking their vows. That’s ultimately what matters.

Now, as to the legal versus church side of marriage: Marriage needs to be legally recognized as well as recognized by the church if you’re Catholic because couples have reserved legal rights and privileges unmarried couples do not, which isn’t obvious until you become divorced. Pretty much anything goes here. My wife and I applied for our license in the days leading up to our wedding. We just didn’t actually SIGN it the day we got it. Sometimes people will go ahead with the legal part of marriage before the ceremony wherein the ceremony is just a celebration. Catholics can become legally married before their wedding mass if they want. It just means that the Church doesn’t recognize it as legit before the mass. In the eyes of the church, it’s what they recognize that matters, not the state. As a purely practical matter, nothing compels anyone to get married in the church. You just go to the local government building, fill out the necessary paperwork, and in the United States, especially in rural areas, just get your name on the Justice Court docket and let the judge handle the rest. I think it was John Lennon who got a janitor to witness his marriage to Yoko Ono. Pretty old school to do it that way, but it works. And, of course, there’s not really any meaningful restriction on who can officiate a wedding. As long as you file your paperwork correctly, you can get married however you want.

Hope that helps. I love responding to this kind of stuff if there are any other questions.

And...lemme repeat...I am not Catholic, so be sure to cross ref with someone who actually IS. I enjoyed getting to know priests and hearing their thoughts on things and learning more about Catholicism. It was fun.



kraftiekortie
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22 Jun 2021, 5:41 pm

Many people on the Spectrum get married and have kids. Some of them are right here on WrongPlanet.



DuckHairback
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27 Jun 2021, 6:20 pm

I've never understood the appeal of getting married. I've been with my partner for nearly 20 years which is longer than the average marriage lasts (here in the UK at least). I'm not religious. I understand there are tax and legal benefits to getting married. Doesn't appeal to me. When people ask me about it I say I'm scared of commitment.

I remember once when I was younger seeing a local news piece about an elderly couple who were celebrating, i don't know, 60 years of marriage or something and the reporter was saying how amazing it was and I remember thinking it would be more amazing if they'd stayed together 60 years without being married to each other.

I think of marriage like an elastic band around two magnets. It only really has a function when they stop attracting each other.

I guess if you're religious it's a different matter.



PozziBros
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14 Jul 2021, 8:02 am

Texasmoneyman300 wrote:
i am not married but I am a Christian....I am church of Christ.I reckon i will prolly get married someday.

I understand you perfectly



timf
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15 Jul 2021, 1:32 pm

I didn't get married until I was 43. I am a Christian. I think that my development was delayed and marriage at a younger age would not have been wise for me.



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31 Aug 2021, 11:10 am

I don't know exactly what you are asking either.

I'm autistic, demisexualspike/demiacespike (google it ;P), and I've been married for over 20 years (we both just see it as a piece of paper we got at the courthouse--and not some proof of our devotion to one another). The closest thing to my belief system is Naturalistic Pantheism.


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31 Aug 2021, 1:37 pm

I'm married and I am a Christian. I am Roman Catholic. I have no official diagnosis, but if you look at my signature the RDOS self test determined that I was "very likely Aspie".

I don't live in Poland - so I don't know many details about the Civil and Church weddings there.

C.S.Lewis talks a lot the differences between a civil marriage and a Christian Marriage.

You seem to be asking two questions: one about people on the autistic spectrum and one about Christian marriage.

People on the spectrum do get married. I don't have any numbers to share about what percentage.

https://www.cslewis.com/the-christian-idea-of-marriage/

Lewis was married in a Civil Union that he did not consider to be a "real" marriage from his point of view as a Christian. He did so to extend his British citizenship to his civil wife, Joy Davidman.

Many countries have a "legal" definition or marriage that either includes things or leaves out things you would find in a marriage as it is described in the Bible. Another thing you will find in the Bible is how Christ compares his relationship with the Church to the relationship or a man and wife.

This article talks about Lewis' second marriage, a christian marriage, to Joy after he fell in love with her. His second marriage was officiated by an Anglican priest.

https://mereinkling.net/2016/07/06/c-s-lewis-wedding/

If you want a more complete view, C. S. Lewis' books Supersized by Joy (his autobiography) and Mere Christianity.

I have come under fire for sharing my experience as a Christian on WP before but Christ himself came under fire so I suppose completely avoiding offending people and trying to follow Christ with integrity will always be in conflict. That being said, it is not my intention to offend.

I can tell you my understanding about Catholic marriage. The first part is something you touched on: Sola scriptura
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sola_scriptura

Wikipedia gives this definition: "theological doctrine held by some Protestant Christian denominations that posits the Christian scriptures as the sole infallible source of authority for Christian faith and practice"

The Catholic church is not one of the denominations that accepts Sola scriptura.
Why might this be: Catholics point to the Bible itself as not supporting the doctrine.
John 20 and Matthew 18 says "whose soever sins ye forgive, they are forgiven unto them; whose soever sins ye retain, they are retained." 1 Tim 3 says that the Church is the pillar and foundation of truth. Matthew 16 says that Christ gave the keys of the kingdom to Peter.

Any good Protestant who know his scripture, and accepts Sola scriptura, will explain that he interprets those three passages differently, and that his understanding is the correct one. I am not arguing the point here (another threat for another time) only stating it: the Catholic church interprets those verses and others as meaning that both the scripture and the Church have authority, and that they support and compliment each other. The way we state it is "scripture and tradition" where the tradition is the whole of the church experience back to the life of Christ, as well as the leadership. Historical and Theological conflicts between the Catholic church and Protestant churches (and others) is a tangent best left for another day.

The other part is this: Christ said in Matthew 19 that
"Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. 9 I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.”

So there is a permanence to a marriage under God, and it should be taken seriously - the idea of Marriage "in a Church" is not so much about being "in a church building" but more about being "in the church community" and "in the rules of Church".

My personal experience: It takes three to wed - the most important thing that happened my my Marriage ceremony was that my wife and I became "one" and did so "in the Church" and "in Christ". The very first thing we did as a married couple was receive Holy Eucharist. Christ is in the Church and we are in Christ and in the Church.

The building was not really the important part.
The Church is the people. The church building is where the people meet.

I think you will find other Christian denominations have some of these ideas (if not all of them) too.

You may also find this interesting:

https://www.neverthirsty.org/bible-qa/q ... ble-times/


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