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auntblabby
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27 Jun 2021, 7:21 pm

DuckHairback wrote:
Crying was discouraged in my family, as was displaying any extreme of emotion. It just annoyed my parents so I learned not to do it. I find it difficult to blame them for this because I too find people crying annoying, even my partner and daughter whom I love and don't want to feel they can't express themselves freely. I try not to let my annoyance show (which is ironic, because I'm still suppressing what I'm really feeling).

Personally, I find it physically difficult to cry. It's like I don't know how to do it properly, I can't get all the pieces moving at the same time. Or I can't allow myself to really let go. I run a lot and sometimes I cry when I run. Like the exertion breaks the dam and it all floods out. I'll be in the middle of nowhere and I'll have to stop and have a bawl and then carry on. I find it quite funny but it'd probably look really weird if anyone ever saw me do it!

have you ever heard of Stendhal's Syndrome? that is where if you see or hear something of unusual unearthly beauty of magnanimity, it opens all the emotional floodgates.



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28 Jun 2021, 1:39 am

I do NOT think it is wrong for anybody to cry but that does NOT mean that there is not a lot of negative stigma against guys crying in some areas. I'd imagine that areas that are more hung up on traditional gender roles would have more negative stigma against guys crying. I remember when the EMO trend was popular, there was a stereotype that EMOs were overly sensitive & would cry & whine about anything. Most of the EMO music groups were guys but the fans & people into the EMO trend seemed fairly evenly split between the men & women. I really wish the EMO trend woulda lasted longer. I was actually listening to Sunny Day Real Estate about an hour ago & was listening to New Found Glory a bit before that but now I'm listening to Van Halen.

I used to cry a bit as a kid when I was upset & having a meltdown tantrum. I kinda quit crying in my teens but I started crying a bit after I got in my 1st relationship at 20 & started having a mental breakdown. I screwed that relationship up & fell into a sever depression & I started crying every night. The better I would feel during the day, the worse I would feel & cry that night. Crying was almost like a drug that I just had to take before falling asleep. I started seeing a psychiatrist & taking meds & as I gradually got less depressed, I kinda quit the crying. However I started crying again after I got in my 2nd relationship at 28. I kinda screwed that one up as well & I guess I saw it coming but did not want to admit it. I haven't cried much since then but I do feel like crying a bit at times like watching shows but I usually keep myself together. I'm NOT saying that there is anything wrong with you for crying or feeling the urge to salad unless you start feeling the need to every day/night or start having rapid mood swings.


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28 Jun 2021, 1:54 am

salad wrote:
DW_a_mom wrote:
I think this would be a great conversation to have with your fiance. You worry what she will think, so why not ask what she thinks? The topic is just the tip of the iceberg as to what kind of men you both would want to raise sons to be, and being on the same page with these kinds of things is important to a marriage. It is easier to work through differences now while you both are still in the glow of discovery.

Overall, I agree with the others: it is OK for men to cry, but in my experience men try not to cry in front of other men. The problem is, a lot of difficult pain can build up inside if you spend too much time suppressing your natural reactions, and eventually all the suppressed emotion can come out in toxic and inappropriate actions. Better to know when you can safely break down and cry than assume and suppress.


I for sure never cry in front of others, that isn't the problem. For me the problem is crying at all, even in private. it feels so weak and pathetic that I cry when no one in my culture ever cries.


I get that, it is the way a lot of cultures and people seem to view it so it makes sense I guess to get those feelings. But in reality, it is ok to cry and its not really pathetic or weak...it is a release of like strong emotions/feelings and well if you let yourself cry sometimes you may feel better after because you were able to let some of those bad feelings out in a physical way. I mean the dwarf warrior character Gimili in Lord of the Rings, cried when he was going to take the rest of the party he was with through his dwarven home he grew up in and had been talking it up the whole way, but when they entered it was like a tomb and all the dwarves were dead. And he was an axe fighting warrior, but he cried at the devastation of his people...did not make him any less of a warrior though even though he did cry.

And idk but a quote from game of thrones you may appreciate, but it is ok if you don't:
"Bran thought about it. 'Can a man still be brave if he's afraid?'
'That is the only time a man can be brave,' his father told him.”

I know it is not quite on the topic of crying, but like I guess a general take away from that bit of the book could be the point of life is not to avoid feelings, it is to figure out how to manage yourself when having those feelings to the best of your ability.


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14 Aug 2021, 12:16 pm

No. Cry. Let it out.


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The_Face_of_Boo
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15 Aug 2021, 10:50 am

Batman never cries.


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nick007
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15 Aug 2021, 2:15 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Batman never cries.
Yep that's why he became Batman. He used his feelings to motivate him into performing tough extreme action. He's Batman so he doesn't have to cry & release his hurt & pain or mope around feeling sorry for himself. Batman is sorely needed in that world so others can avoid losing their loved 1s but Bruce became completely obsessed with being Batman because he's been avoiding those feelings for so long that he does not have a clue how to handle & deal with them in any other healthier way. Batman is not practical or even possible for most of us guys to be though. We don't have the fitness, skills, resources & money, & would very likely get ourselves majorly injured, sent to prison for the rest of our lives, & have our families marked assuming we don't get killed of corse. We have to find other ways to cope & deal if we experience that kinda horror & if we are lucky our methods will not be self-destructive. Crying can be a much more healthy alternative.


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15 Aug 2021, 2:56 pm

Crying is a natural bodily function. It's pain relief. It's insane that anyone ever thought that it was a bad thing and shamed boys for doing it.



auntblabby
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15 Aug 2021, 3:39 pm

only evil people diss others' tears.



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15 Aug 2021, 3:53 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Batman never cries.


That's why Batman needs a shrink. :nerdy:


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auntblabby
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15 Aug 2021, 4:48 pm

cut these people open when they die, and will issue forth a geyser of decades of repressed tears denied output.



The_Face_of_Boo
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16 Aug 2021, 4:57 am

funeralxempire wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Batman never cries.


That's why Batman needs a shrink. :nerdy:


Batman would punch the shrink to the afterlife.

*POW* *BLAP*


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17 Aug 2021, 6:25 pm

It shouldn't be wrong, depending on what a man is crying about. Women are allowed to cry more because we typically get more emotional, especially between (and during) puberty and the menopause. Men can cry for valid reasons, such as death of a loved one or friend, or going through a tough divorce. I think men should be allowed to cry more though, because it manages anger better. Tears are your emotions pouring out, and if you don't produce those tears then too much emotion can build up, leading to burnout (yes, NT men too). This is why the murder rate is higher in men than in women.


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funeralxempire
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17 Aug 2021, 8:06 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
funeralxempire wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Batman never cries.


That's why Batman needs a shrink. :nerdy:


Batman would punch the shrink to the afterlife.

*POW* *BLAP*


Batman would find himself with a lot of time to think and cry. 8)


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The_Face_of_Boo
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19 Aug 2021, 2:53 am

funeralxempire wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
funeralxempire wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Batman never cries.


That's why Batman needs a shrink. :nerdy:


Batman would punch the shrink to the afterlife.

*POW* *BLAP*


Batman would find himself with a lot of time to think and cry. 8)


You didn't watch Batman's lego movie when he got jailed, didn't you?


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DuckHairback
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19 Aug 2021, 7:42 am

I'm crying right now and I'm a big, hairy brute.



auntblabby
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20 Aug 2021, 2:49 am

^^^hope you're feelin' better now.