People that look at you like you're a freak

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PrincessofWeird
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13 Jul 2021, 7:03 pm

I know this isn't in my head, I receive this look whenever I do something socially inappropriate. Happen today, some girl glared at me because I made a mistake (not going into detail) I can't deal with people looking at me like this its sort of a glare and this person isn't right kind of look. It makes me feel like an alien. I try very hard to fit in, to keep my head down and not become notice but it isn't enough. She could tell I was weird, and it angers me. People at work too can tell something is off about me.

Does anyone else know what I mean? When people look at you like you don't belong? 8O



Benjamin the Donkey
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13 Jul 2021, 11:12 pm

Yes. This is an autism forum, after all!


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cyberdad
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13 Jul 2021, 11:15 pm

PrincessofWeird wrote:
I know this isn't in my head, I receive this look whenever I do something socially inappropriate. Happen today, some girl glared at me because I made a mistake (not going into detail) I can't deal with people looking at me like this its sort of a glare and this person isn't right kind of look. It makes me feel like an alien. I try very hard to fit in, to keep my head down and not become notice but it isn't enough. She could tell I was weird, and it angers me. People at work too can tell something is off about me.

Does anyone else know what I mean? When people look at you like you don't belong? 8O


If it was me I'd ask her what her problem was.



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14 Jul 2021, 6:42 am

PrincessofWeird wrote:
I know this isn't in my head, I receive this look whenever I do something socially inappropriate. Happen today, some girl glared at me because I made a mistake (not going into detail) I can't deal with people looking at me like this its sort of a glare and this person isn't right kind of look.

In situations like this, have you tried asking "Is something wrong?" Unfortunately you won't always get a clear answer, but sometimes you will.

PrincessofWeird wrote:
It makes me feel like an alien. I try very hard to fit in, to keep my head down and not become notice but it isn't enough. She could tell I was weird, and it angers me.

Have you tried to seek out places where you would not have to work so hard to fit in?

For example, have you ever attended a support group for people on the autism spectrum?

Do you have any hobbies? If so, have you ever sought out people who share your hobbies?

In what general kind of neighborhood do you live? City, suburb, or rural? Culturally homogeneous, or lots of immigrants from a few different places, or lots of immigrants from lots of different places?

PrincessofWeird wrote:
People at work too can tell something is off about me.

What kind of job do you have?

PrincessofWeird wrote:
Does anyone else know what I mean? When people look at you like you don't belong? 8O

Yes I've certainly experience this. Probably all autistic people have experienced this at some point in our lives, at least.

Luckily, for the past 15 years or so, I've been able to avoid it to a large degree by living in what is now a very multicultural neighborhood.

I think the best places for autistic people to live are places, like my neighborhood, with lots of immigrants from lots of different countries around the world. In such a cosmopolitan neighborhood, you don't have to worry so much about fitting in, because there's nothing to fit in to, beyond basic politeness.


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kraftiekortie
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01 Aug 2021, 10:02 am

Yep….ask the person “Is something wrong?”

Excellent advice.



Blueberry_Muffin
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08 Aug 2021, 8:38 am

Yeah I noticed, and while it affected me sometimes when I was younger, I honestly couldn't care anymore.



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09 Aug 2021, 2:18 pm

PrincessofWeird wrote:
I know this isn't in my head, I receive this look whenever I do something socially inappropriate. Happen today, some girl glared at me because I made a mistake (not going into detail) I can't deal with people looking at me like this its sort of a glare and this person isn't right kind of look. It makes me feel like an alien. I try very hard to fit in, to keep my head down and not become notice but it isn't enough. She could tell I was weird, and it angers me. People at work too can tell something is off about me.

Does anyone else know what I mean? When people look at you like you don't belong? 8O



Hi Princess'

i don't know your age . but when younger i was so self conscious it crippled my anxiety and ability to operare socially . as i get older it's a case of " f**k what others think " . embrace your quirks & if you feel akward , feel akward to the point you overcome that feeling . been there , endured it . embarrased feelings .
chances are even if others think you're weird .. it makes no difference .
your life is yours .. not theirs . there opinion shoukd have no baring on how you feel



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09 Aug 2021, 4:14 pm

PrincessofWeird wrote:
I know this isn't in my head, I receive this look whenever I do something socially inappropriate. Happen today, some girl glared at me because I made a mistake (not going into detail) I can't deal with people looking at me like this its sort of a glare and this person isn't right kind of look. It makes me feel like an alien. I try very hard to fit in, to keep my head down and not become notice but it isn't enough. She could tell I was weird, and it angers me. People at work too can tell something is off about me.

Does anyone else know what I mean? When people look at you like you don't belong? 8O


I had someone look at me at a house of worship some years back and she knew there was something off about me. She looked at me and was laughing at me. She also sat right next to me later on that day and was laughing in my face which pushed my buttons.



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09 Aug 2021, 5:12 pm

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I had someone look at me at a house of worship some years back and she knew there was something off about me. She looked at me and was laughing at me. She also sat right next to me later on that day and was laughing in my face which pushed my buttons.


I don't understand how grown NT people can sit and laugh at somebody else right in their face. Aren't they the ones that are supposed to be socially skilled? Nobody likes being laughed at, it isn't very nice, and to laugh at someone right in front of them is just weird. You should have looked at her and frowned and said "you're weird!"

(Unless she looked like she had some sort of disability herself and didn't know what she was doing).


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10 Aug 2021, 2:09 am

Summer_Twilight wrote:
I had someone look at me at a house of worship some years back and she knew there was something off about me. She looked at me and was laughing at me. She also sat right next to me later on that day and was laughing in my face which pushed my buttons.


That's odd for to do that in church? I used to have girls giggle at me at school, I think for some women they enjoy power they have over other people if they think they are better than them. Laughing is often thought to be coping mechanism for feeling dissonance for dealing with somebody they perceive is different.

Girls often laugh and giggle when they see somebody famous or powerfiul.



cbd
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10 Aug 2021, 6:29 am

Summer_Twilight wrote:
PrincessofWeird wrote:
I know this isn't in my head, I receive this look whenever I do something socially inappropriate. Happen today, some girl glared at me because I made a mistake (not going into detail) I can't deal with people looking at me like this its sort of a glare and this person isn't right kind of look. It makes me feel like an alien. I try very hard to fit in, to keep my head down and not become notice but it isn't enough. She could tell I was weird, and it angers me. People at work too can tell something is off about me.

Does anyone else know what I mean? When people look at you like you don't belong? 8O


I had someone look at me at a house of worship some years back and she knew there was something off about me. She looked at me and was laughing at me. She also sat right next to me later on that day and was laughing in my face which pushed my buttons.


interesting i smile and catch comedy from other people . from reasing body language . or even if i notice they are quirky .. it's more of a sense of something new , or behaviour i can relate to - aka relief of similarity .

somebody made a post recently about Aspie's being broadly different from NT's . because less common , your behaviour will seem more deliberate .

a key to lis being able to smile at your own mannerisms . i know i do



OccasionalSeagull
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14 Sep 2021, 8:38 pm

PrincessofWeird wrote:
I know this isn't in my head, I receive this look whenever I do something socially inappropriate. Happen today, some girl glared at me because I made a mistake (not going into detail) I can't deal with people looking at me like this its sort of a glare and this person isn't right kind of look. It makes me feel like an alien. I try very hard to fit in, to keep my head down and not become notice but it isn't enough. She could tell I was weird, and it angers me. People at work too can tell something is off about me.

Does anyone else know what I mean? When people look at you like you don't belong? 8O


Before I begin- This is my very first post, I have not been diagnosed but I am currently trying to be evaluated (I'm so sorry I'm creepy lurking, I promise I'm only trying to absorb and learn I don't mean to be weird) and I'm responding because even my amazing husband doesn't always believe me. He believes this happens, but not as often as I desperately try to tell him it does. He doesn't doubt or belittle my experiences, but occasionally he seems to suggest I'm imagining or blowing it up. I will admit paranoia and anxiety are both in my collection.

But from what I've observed here and elsewhere I'm sure those if you who have had a lifetime of bullying can IMMEDIATELY recognize a look of scorn or "whats wrong with that one?" a mile away, social skills or no. Its *literally* hammered into you seconds before the violence or ridicule comes. To not learn it is death. I know exactly what you mean OP.

I hate being looked at. I hate being seen. Even positively the attention is suffocating and the screaming (internal NEVER external- that lesson was lesrned very early) in my chest or head comes roaring- and the 'freak' look? That brings on the double whammy of pain, choking, screaming, and the *super fun* feeling of 'there it is- you deserve it. Normal people don't get looked at like that. You brought this on yourself.'

I love my husband dearly, but I don't think I can communicate just how hard I work to blend in. All day. Every day. I rehearse every possible conversation I plan to have (doctors, offices, bosses, etc), conversations I *might* have (coworkers, husbands friends, in-laws), basically any way to avoid not having a "script" when/ if a conversation finds me.
I don't eat certain foods that I have to eat a certain way because methodical eating gets looks. Its only ok to eat stuff you can just tear into in public. If it needs a pattern its forbidden. It will attract looks.
I wear clothes I hate because I want to look normal. I wear outfits or accessories that are impractical or uncomfortable to "complete a look" because I'm pretty sure thats what people do, and I get *more* looks or attention when I *AM* comfortable. Theres a very small window where I can pass as normal and be comfortable.

OP I understand. Every day I wake up desperately thinking "how can I go under the radar today?". On the bad days- the days where everything is confusing, my words dont work, my body is extra clumsy, and my mind is skipping like a record- I know its a hopeless day. Its a day I won't win. At some point, somewhere, somehow, I *will* mess up and someone will see it. They'll see it and they'll know.

I hope that if I get a diagnosis I can logic these feelings and obsessions away (the laughter you hear in the background is my OCD daring me to try :lol: )either by knowing
A: yes, I'm autistic and there's nothing I can do about it, so do no harm, take no bull, and try to make peace or
B: no, I'm not, and this is something that can be tackled and trained out of me and I just haven't been trying hard enough (for 30 years. . . )

But the look. Good grop the looks. I thought I was the only one who hated them so much, who internalized them so much.



IsabellaLinton
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14 Sep 2021, 9:42 pm

People have looked at me like I'm a freak since I was a young child. They've made comments to my face and behind my back. They've manipulated and exploited me. Of course it's not all people, but enough to make me recoil from most human interaction. I'm OK with it now because I got to a point where I don't need to interact with anyone or step out the door of my house, unless I want to. Even then, I don't make eye contact enough to see what's going on.

Not that I'd give a crap anymore, anyway.



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14 Sep 2021, 9:48 pm

Yes.
And out loud no less.

But that's because I was wearing a thick full body Halloween costume, in a middle of a heatwave in April, while skipping loudy in a middle of a busy road. :lol:

But I digress.


I have no real baseline reaction.

There will be times I don't give a crap over what I've done or whatever I appeared to be, come what may.
And there will be times unaware why and unintentionally did, guilty and ashamed and frustrated.


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