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The_Znof
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28 Jul 2021, 3:11 pm

ToughDiamond wrote:
The_Znof wrote:
I was diagnosed with adhd in 2011, but my psychologist said I didnt have autism because I did not lack theory of mind enough.

I'm sure you're correct that he was wrong. How can it be valid to withhold a diagnosis for a spectrum disorder on the basis of one parameter not being very strong? Especially when it was declared so subjectively. Others on WP have said they were similarly refused a DX or a referral. One of them was rejected for seeming too good at eye contact I think.




I am sure [she] is incorrect now too, after reading Uta Frith and Baron-Cohen.

Also I have always felt part sure she was incorrect, as I had full blown regressive autism as a child.

So by default I cant be aspie, but occasionally do refer to myself using that term.



ThisTimelessMoment
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Joined: 15 Apr 2021
Age: 48
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Location: South Africa

29 Jul 2021, 5:58 am

I thought better late than never:

Are you diagnosed / self-diagnosed, and at what age?

Self diagnosed last year at age 47

- Did you have difficulty finding a diagnostician as an adult?
Haven't tried to get diagnosed yet.
- Were you taken seriously by your GP, your family and friends, etc?
I've had several people tell me "you can't be autistic, you look people in the eyes." and things like that. I've realized I need to be careful who I mention it to. The autism thing is still quite new to me so I tend to want to talk about it though.


- If you weren't diagnosed in school, what challenges did you face trying to fit in?

I never fit in. I even felt out of place in the group of wierdos I would inevitably end up in. I learnt how to act from observing others and copying. I didn't consciously think about learning how to behave or bridge the gap between my weirdness and everyone else, I just subconsciously "absorbed" what I needed to survive.

- If you were diagnosed in school, or you went to special ed., how did that affect your social confidence?
N/A.
- How did your autistic traits affect your relationships or your self-concept?
I associated with others who were outsiders. Even with them I felt alone. At home Mum and dad (I now understand) were both autistic and in their own worlds. I felt quite detached from them. My self-concept never really developed. Copying people all the time made it feel as if I didn't exist. I had huge trouble making choices because I didn't know who was making the choice, and couldn't decide what my priorities were. Still an enormous issue.
- Did you feel pressure to hide your autistic traits? (sensory issues, special interests, etc)?
I didn't realize I had sensory issues. Have only realized this in recent years. I just tried to hide everything. There became a distinct difference between alone me and public me. This also relates to trauma though. Being traumatized caused me to hide myself. I think it also forced me to pretend not to have sensory issues. I wasn't allowed to have such issues.

- Did you feel pressure to hide your emotions or fake them?

Hiding was just second nature. It wasn't conscious.

- Did you play sports or get ridiculed if you didn't play sports? (male stereotyes?)

Didn't play sports and was ridiculed for it.

- Do you feel that society judged / will judge you for not conforming with NT boys / men?

Some of society will, yes.

- Do you feel like you wore a "mask" socially, or tried to fake it?

I masked without knowing it my entire life. Within certain groups of people I managed to develop some kind of social functioning. Mostly by copying.

- How does it feel knowing other autistic men are often branded as serial killers or psychos?

Sad. Add trauma to any human and you can make a monster. Autistic people are prone to be deeply effected by trauma. I can see though, how a loose connection to rules of all sorts (like I have) could easily land one in trouble.

- Did you ever feel like you'd be called an INCEL if you wanted to date or have sex?

Yes, though there was no name for it back then.

- Were you ever worried to tell a partner that you were autistic, or thought you were autistic?

No. Was never an issue as I didn't know. Even in recent years when I "thought I might be a little autistic" I really had no concept of what that means. I've always been very open with partners about stuff like that.

- Do you feel society / women have unfair expectations about your career or your income / skills?

My problem has always been that I appear very bright and manage to cope socially well enough that there are high expectations of me. As I now realize, I actually have some learning disabilities that have always hampered me. I have been totally unable to function in the world of money. I've changed jobs often due to the autism making working impossible from intense anxiety. I've never really owned anything. This has had an extremely negative effect on my self worth.

In relationships this has caused a fair bit of trouble. At the moment I am fortunate to be with a very supportive partner, so things are a bit better. But the tension this causes never goes away. I am going to look at getting a disability grant, but the red tape is daunting and I'm not sure I'll even get diagnosed with ASD.

- Is your mental health taken seriously, overall?

Yes
- Do you feel like autistic men's voices are heard in the media?

Not much.



IsabellaLinton
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29 Jul 2021, 12:22 pm

I haven't forgotten about this thread. I was away for the weekend but I'll catch up and respond when I can.

Thanks for all the new posts.



AngelL
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Location: Seattle, WA

Yesterday, 1:37 pm

- Are you diagnosed / self-diagnosed, and at what age?

Self-diagnosed at 12 years old; officially diagnosed at 56 years old (53 days ago).

- Did you have difficulty finding a diagnostician as an adult?

Yes and no. I found many diagnosticians. My requests for diagnostic testing for autism were regularly and routinely ridiculed prior to being refused.

- Were you taken seriously by your GP, your family and friends, etc?

When I told my mother I was on the spectrum at 12 years old I was struck with sufficient force to lose consciousness. I'm not certain if that's taking it serious or not, actually. I never considered mentioning it to family again until after I was diagnosed. I began to tell my father and once he saw where the conversation was heading he became so angry that I abandoned the idea. I was molested for years by my pediatrician which kept me from getting a GP as an adult until my late 40's; and I shared only what was vital - which did not include anything related to autism. I've never had a friend.

- If you weren't diagnosed in school, what challenges did you face trying to fit in?

Fitting in was not a challenge; it was an impossibility. I was bullied incessantly, both emotionally and physically, by both students and teachers. From first grade till high school, there was never a school day in which I was not physically hurt.

- If you were diagnosed in school, or you went to special ed., how did that affect your social confidence?

N/A

- How did your autistic traits affect your relationships or your self-concept?

I really have no way of knowing. In the same way that we wouldn't know light if there was no dark to contrast it with, this is the only self-concept I've ever had; I have no idea what it would have looked like if I hadn't been autistic. Likewise with relationships. I could speculate I suppose, but it would be a pure guess.

- Did you feel pressure to hide your autistic traits? (sensory issues, special interests, etc)?

Absolutely.

- Did you feel pressure to hide your emotions or fake them?

Again, absolutely.

- Did you play sports or get ridiculed if you didn't play sports? (male stereotyes?)

Yes, I played sports; I was required to.

- Do you feel that society judged / will judge you for not conforming with NT boys / men?

No & yes. Society has not judged me for not conforming because I always have. But they certainly shall as I continue to commit to not conforming for the sake of conforming.

- Do you feel like you wore a "mask" socially, or tried to fake it?

Yes, absolutely.

- How does it feel knowing other autistic men are often branded as serial killers or psychos?

Well, frankly, men in general are branded poorly. We're all misogynistic, violent, potential rapists don't you know? People are afraid of what they don't understand, neurodiversity is just another thing for people to fear.

- Did you ever feel like you'd be called an INCEL if you wanted to date or have sex?

Actually, I have never given this any thought but think that I'm inviting more derogatory judgment since I've concluded that I have no interest in either of those pursuits.

- Were you ever worried to tell a partner that you were autistic, or thought you were autistic?

No. I could say anything because really, since I mask so darn well and never took it down around my partner either, it didn't affect them.

- Do you feel society / women have unfair expectations about your career or your income / skills?

Sure. According to my grades and IQ, I could have been anything...then why haven't I? The expectation that I could have spent twenty, thirty, forty or more years in a work environment interacting with others is so incredibly impossible for me, yet it is expected. My life trajectory has been a disappointment to many people.

- Is your mental health taken seriously, overall?

It is by my therapist; that's all that matters to me.

- Do you feel like autistic men's voices are heard in the media?

I don't know; I don't watch the media.