Social interaction: What kinds are hardest/easiest for you?

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Mona Pereth
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30 Jul 2021, 6:52 pm

Fenn wrote:
If someone from England was visiting the united states and they spoke to you with an American accent would you think they were trying to make fun of you? Or would you just think they were talking?

Depends what you mean by an "American accent." If someone from obviously from overseas were trying to talk with a traditional "New York accent" (not actually used by most New Yorkers anymore), this would seem a bit strange.

It is my understanding that England has a lot of traditional local accents (see Regional Accents of English - Wikipedia). I'm also under the impression (U.K. people, correct me if I'm wrong) that a lot of people in the U.K. are very proud of their distinctive local accents and strive to maintain them. That being the case, they might be annoyed by some foreigner trying, not-quite-successfully, to imitate a specific local accent.

Fenn wrote:
The people I work with may be in the same room with me or may be on the other end of a computer connection.
I actually find I do best in text-chat when it comes to electronic communication. Not as much to figure out.

Same here.

Fenn wrote:
But I work best in a small co-located team as a general rule.

Same here also.

Fenn wrote:
The uncanny-valley thing might have some truth - but frankly I think I fit in better for making an effort than I did before I started making an effort.

Making an effort to respect people's customs is one thing. Trying to "blend in" is another.

Fenn wrote:
I think some people are hypersensative about being politically correct.

I was once working with a group of engineers. One was born in Mexico, one was born in India, one was Italian American and one was Irish American. Both myself and one of the engineers were married to someone who was German American - and the subject often came up.

We were all in the same building.

I looked up etiquette rules for different cultures and the results were interesting:

https://businessculture.org/northern-eu ... etiquette/

https://businessculture.org/western-eur ... n-germany/

https://www.globig.co/blog/a-quick-guid ... -in-mexico

https://businessculture.org/southern-eu ... -in-italy/

https://asialinkbusiness.com.au/india/c ... -etiquette

https://bizfluent.com/about-6167549-bus ... e-usa.html

Thanks for the links. I'll look at them later.


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Lost_dragon
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06 Aug 2021, 6:39 pm

Most difficult

Tone.

Sometimes I do not sound as expected, such as when I'm excited. I may be accused of lying or asked why I don't sound excited when I am excited. However, if I attempt to sound excited then I sound sarcastic and that makes it worse. I am not a naturally bubbly person. Which is ironic because I am the type of person to randomly break into song, but I do struggle to sound interested or excited even when I am unless I am incredibly invested then in which case I might talk too fast and dump too much information on you but I try not to do that.

It can also be a problem when people get annoyed at me for missing sarcasm. Usually I throw in hand gestures to communicate smaller tonal differences. I tend to find that people can either easily read me or can't read me at all.

Easiest

Making deadpan remarks and inside jokes. I am good at building up a rapport with others and people often come to me asking for advice.


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KittenRN
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14 Aug 2021, 2:35 pm

I have made a point to surround myself with people I get along with at work and home. What gets me is the random interactions. Just the other day got into a verbal fight w the cashier at corner bakery. I guess feeling misunderstood is a real trigger for me.

She actually did tell me incorrect info about the menu and was slightly rude. I just couldn’t let it go. I had to correct her. I absolutely hate this about myself. As I’m 38 now I can sense myself getting… I don’t know it’s like my mind locks up in a way… becomes rigid, reactive, and hostile.

Over the years it’s happened enough times that I know it’s an issue.

It’s very isolating. And as someone who is used to being high functioning it makes me feel really disappointed in myself.

Now with the trend of posting videos of people having melt downs im actually scared to go…. More and more places. An autistic meltdown and a Karen meltdown might have different energy (entitlement vs frustration) but after a certain point I’m just reacting and I’m not doing a great job of reacting so it probably would look pretty scary on a video.

As a nurse w a Med spa I’m terrified of this type of exposure. I’m not 100% open w my diagnosis. Maybe I have worked up from 10% to 35% of the people in my life being informed by me about my ASD. Over the past few years. I’m sure another 15- 25% of my circle have heard it through the grapevine or have guessed.

I now tell all new potential vendors prior to the first meeting that I’m on the spectrum and will lean on my front desk for all admin tasks. This is after 3 brands found me so repellent that they stopped accepting my money.

I want help. I have tried 3 therapists in the last 3 years. So frustrated w the process.



DuckHairback
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14 Aug 2021, 3:33 pm

I can stand up in front of a crowd and talk *at* them.

I can talk to a person if I perceive there to be a legitimate reason for me to be talking to them (i.e. I'm buying something at a shop or I'm talking to a teacher about my child's schooling).

Where I struggle is pure 'socialising'. Talking to people for talking's sake. I can just about handle one person but I tend to overshare and run on about topics that probably aren't interesting to them. I forget to ask questions. I am too comfortable with uncomfortable silences. I beat myself up about it afterwards. I can't do groups at all. My mind is blank in such situations. I have nothing to say, brain is operating on lizard level.

And if there's background noise (like in a bar or a tv on somewhere) I go deep down inside until I can slink away unnoticed.



Summer_Twilight
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16 Aug 2021, 1:22 pm

Social interaction - I use small talk as a survival tactic and especially if I don't know something

Harder for me -

1. I have the tendency to get overly excited when I see people and dominate the conversation.
2. I will ask someone a group in a question before they answer right before asking another person



OccasionalSeagull
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15 Sep 2021, 12:17 pm

diagnosedafter50 wrote:
Groups are hard, can't get a word in edgeways sometimes.
Can't finish a sentence without being interrupted.

One-to-one is easier.
Only bad thing is I feel used as a sounding board sometimes.
The good thing is, people share things with me they don't tell their closest friends and know I can be trusted.


This is kind of funny to me,
I despise large groups. They get too excited too quickly and being Hard of Hearing amplifies my anxiety and social ineptitude when every voice becomes one solid mess of sound and I'm still expected to keep everyone's thought and statement separate. Especially when I have to sort, plan, organize, filter, and choose tones/ inflections for each response/ joke I may be expected to give. I'm not a skilled juggler.

One on one is fine for me, but just like in groups I like to observe or listen. I like stories and different points of view. If you have something interesting to say I am totally there for it. If you start interrogating me I'm almost certain you're digging for information to use against me or trying to catch me in a lie -dont ask me why I think that, I've never been able to lie. The woman who birthed me was an aggressively compulsive liar as were 2 of my siblings and I *still* never learned how to do it.

Oddly enough though like you people who have either never really said more than a few words to me OR have openly disliked me have told me things/ bounced things off me or the like, and usually it comes down to "I don't know, I just felt like I could trust you. You're weird but you don't talk about anybody."
"You're so straightforward I didn't think you'd lie to make me feel better"
"I felt like my friends were hiding something from me"
"You're a freak but you're smart and nobody I know listens"
"I just don't have anybody else right now"

11 years later I still can't figure out if those are compliments. I also wonder the caliber of friends most people have if 'the freak you hate' is more trustworthy than they are.
On the whole from my earliest memory I've much preferred toys, animals, and plants as companions. Highly intelligent peers are great companions, but they've always got an entourage so :roll:



platypi2
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Yesterday, 11:51 pm

Easiest is performing: singing, acting, speaking. I can prepare, and I know exactly what to say. Plus limited interaction requiring thinking on my feet. Or talking to ppl I won't likely see again.

Hardest is people I kind of a little bit know or encounter routinely. They expect more than small talk, which is already painful... but I don't really know them. So I'm lost.



kraftiekortie
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Today, 8:19 am

I'm the opposite. I'm very poor at preparing for speeches. I'm pretty poor at delivering them, too. I'm not good with Powerpoint.

I do better "ad hoc," but really not that much better.

I'm not good in formal contexts at all. I do better within informal contexts.



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Today, 8:46 am

Mona Pereth wrote:
Social interaction: What kinds are hardest/easiest for you?
Dealing with self-appointed "experts" on any given subject who can only cite their own feelings and thoughts to "justify" their claims, and who then resort to attacking anyone who counters their claims by presenting empirical evidence.


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