Double standards for sexual assault?

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Jamesy
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29 Jul 2021, 8:41 am

Why is it much socially acceptable for a woman to touch a guys penis (providing hes wearing trousers) yet if a man touches a ladies boob for example he will get punished much more severely?



Fnord
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29 Jul 2021, 9:21 am

Because a lot of men openly admit that they want women to touch them there, and do not consider such contact to be an assault; whereas many women seem to believe that any physical contact to be a prelude to rape.

Even prolonged staring is considered "Eye-Rape" by some women.


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Mountain Goat
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29 Jul 2021, 9:29 am

I did not like it at all, but women were trying this pretty often when I worked on the railways, and it did not work with me. I would not let them get away without buying a ticket. It is not sexual assault here in Wales unless it is a man that does it to a woman and men can get into trouble through reporting it so we have to ignore it. Have also been touched up by gays etc. It is how it is these days I'm afraid. The laws today are designed for revenge against straight men rather then to address a problem.



Last edited by Mountain Goat on 29 Jul 2021, 9:42 am, edited 1 time in total.

Fnord
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29 Jul 2021, 9:41 am

Unwanted intentional physical contact should be considered assault, whether man-to-man, man-to-woman, woman-to-woman, or woman-to-man (cis- or trans- in all cases).  The laws should apply to everyone, equally, and all of the time, or they should apply to no one ... ever.


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Trogluddite
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29 Jul 2021, 10:16 am

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...in Wales it is not sexual assault here in Wales unless it is a man that does it to a woman

I didn't realise you were a lawyer, MG! :wink: Criminal prosecutions in Wales are handled by the Crown Prosecution Service, just as they are in England; and while its guidance regarding sexual assault acknowledges that reported sexual assault is most commonly male-on-female, rape and sexual assault are criminal acts regardless of the genders of the perpetrator(s) and victim(s). This guidance also covers cases such as medical and care home staff abusing vulnerable patients, grooming of children by paedophiles, etc, and there is also specific guidance about allegations of false reporting.

The problem is two-fold. The first, and main problem, is simply that men don't report being sexually assaulted to the police. Mostly, as Jamesy and Fnord have pointed out, this is down to social acceptability - men are encouraged to think that any kind of sexual contact is something to be proud of, and to hide any feelings that they were violated. If you went to the police, you might get mocked by your macho friends for complaining about a bit of free hanky-panky, so most men dismiss the problem rather than be mocked for being wimpy or sexless or gay or whatever other slurs other people might try to embarrass them with.

Secondly, there is a problem with the legal system and with juries not taking female-on-male sexual assaults seriously (they don't exactly have a good track record for any kind of sexual assaults). Even if you do involve the police and there is solid evidence, you might be discouraged from taking matters further, there might be less chance of the perpetrator being found guilty, and the punishment might be less severe. Again, this is a matter of social acceptabilty, not the letter of the law. As Fnord said, the law should be applied equally to everyone, but unfortunately, law-enforcement officers, legal staff, and juries all consist of human beings and their prejudices make the system very imperfect. The situation regarding domestic violence is much the same - the letter of the law is gender agnostic, but its application may not be.

Note, I have deliberately avoided talking about which kinds of sexual assault might be more common - that is a whole different issue than how they are treated when they do happen.


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Mountain Goat
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29 Jul 2021, 10:35 am

They do try to report them. A man I used to see on the train has for years been beaten up by his wife. He was petrified of her. He tried running away but found he had no money as she controlled the bank account his wages went into. He tried going to the police to report her and the sargent laughed at him and told him to leave. He was not entitled to emergency shelter like a woman would be because he is a man. He has to stay living in that abusive enviroment because he has no option other then become homeless. He told me he does not know what to do as he has already tried the normal avenues open to him which are limited. Every time his wife turns to alcohol he gets a hammering.



Jamesy
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29 Jul 2021, 11:02 am

I have had women touch my penis before and I dont mind it really.



Fnord
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29 Jul 2021, 11:06 am

I hope you are not expecting this thread to provide you with free stories of sexual encounters.


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Jamesy
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29 Jul 2021, 11:22 am

Fnord wrote:
I hope you are not expecting this thread to provide you with free stories of sexual encounters.



No not really just giving an example



IsabellaLinton
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29 Jul 2021, 11:46 am

I was sexually assaulted by women.

There's no double standard in the law.



Sweetleaf
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29 Jul 2021, 11:58 am

Seems the standard is

Both men and women struggle to be taken seriously if they've have been sexually assaulted.


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League_Girl
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29 Jul 2021, 12:05 pm

Jamesy wrote:
Why is it much socially acceptable for a woman to touch a guys penis (providing hes wearing trousers) yet if a man touches a ladies boob for example he will get punished much more severely?



Even as a woman I think it's unacceptable to grab men there and I didn't even know women just do it. It's only fine in relationships unless the guy says he doesn't want to be touched there and pushes your hand away.


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IsabellaLinton
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29 Jul 2021, 12:31 pm

Sweetleaf wrote:

Both men and women struggle to be taken seriously if they've have been sexually assaulted.


Yes. This is the key problem especially for autistic victims.

When I went to police I was either too emotionless (flat affect) (mutism), or later after attempted murder I was too hysterical (meltdown) and they thought I was crazy. Either way it was difficult to be taken seriously.

In criminal court there was more victim-blaming and victim-shaming than doubting of the evidence, or disbelief that women could be rapists.



RightGalaxy
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30 Jul 2021, 8:35 am

Because it's generally known that men can feel good about a casual romp. Women want a commitment mentality from men even if they don't even like them. It's generally known that women don't want a casual romp even if they act like they do. For aspies, this is hard to follow but for NT's, it's so easy that it has become a game that has different rules that are contingent upon the era we live in, trends we follow, etc...



RightGalaxy
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30 Jul 2021, 8:39 am

Jamesy wrote:
I have had women touch my penis before and I dont mind it really.


This thread is creepy! Moderators!! ! It reminds me of sex education class in high school when one of the students asked if there would be a grade for class participation and how far must you go to get an "A". NOBODY laughed.



RightGalaxy
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30 Jul 2021, 8:53 am

Fnord wrote:
Because a lot of men openly admit that they want women to touch them there, and do not consider such contact to be an assault; whereas many women seem to believe that any physical contact to be a prelude to rape.

Even prolonged staring is considered "Eye-Rape" by some women.


I used to see guys do this on trains when female passengers fell asleep. CREEPY!! It's like watching an assault and not being able to intervene. This thread is too adult to be in "love and dating" or especially not in "friendship and social skills". I think Jamesy experienced this in bars. I see this as "NOW, I'VE GOT YOUR INTEREST! DON'T I??? I'm not there at that bar, so, I don't know. Women who do this might be hooking or attempting to rob a drunk guy out of his identity and credit cards. They have to get the ball or balls rolling somehow, right? I've seen even old women do things like this. These are the risks that naive guys take when looking for sex among strangers. My husband is now in the process of telling my son about all the tricks of the streets.