Two different kinds of difficult person

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diagnosedafter50
Toucan
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Joined: 15 Dec 2020
Age: 55
Posts: 294
Location: United Kingdom

30 Jul 2021, 11:29 am

I have a group of friends who I met though person A.
Person A has been exiled from the group now, she has behaved in an unacceptable way, and upset a few people including me.

I recently unblocked her from Facebook and my phone as I could see she was sorry for the things she had done, but one member of the group in particular is anxious around her, because of past behaviour and fear she might do the same in future.

Person A has mental illness and has been hospitalised. She also has learning difficulties and issues with personal hygiene.
She can behave in a disrespectful way, she interrupts a lot, it's not personal, but it got on my nerves and she blew up on me calling me names.
We have had a few fall outs and we end up making up.
We fell out for a bit, I know where I stand with her, if she is cheesed off with me she tells me, and the same with others.
While she is difficult to deal with, what you see is what you get, and she does eventually apologise, and you always know why person A is cheesed off with you.

Person B is on antidepressants but is not diagnosed with an illness as severe as person A.
She owns her own home, is retired, a bit lonely and likes to be acquainted with as many people as she can.
I get on with this man, he thinks I am easy to talk to, he is easy to talk to, he struggles in groups like me, preferring one-to-one, but he is quick witted. He does not treat me with disrespect.
He is not lecherous, flirty or anything, it's nice to have him as a friend.

He likes his routines and is a computer geek, he seems to have other special interests, his job is working with computers from home. He also owns his own home.
My computer broke he offered to come with me to repair shop. I had a feeling person B would come.
Sure enough she was at the meeting point before the computer man came.
She was trying to get him to go for a night in some place in the country, but he kept quiet and did not commit himself.
She says needy things to him and tries to boss him about.

A couple of weeks ago, we were all at the coffee shop as usual, without person A, and some members wanted to go to the park. I didn't, so I said I was ok not going, I'll go elsewhere or home.
Computer man didn't want to go. I don't think he likes change, he said he fancied a beer.
There's a pub just by the coffee shop, I said the two of us could go, he could have a beer and I could get my water bottle filled by the staff who are happy to do it.
Person B kept trying to persuade him to come to the park, it wasn't long before his bus, he wanted to get that.
In the pub we talked about how easier it is talking one to one, I talked about my new phone.

Another member of the group got annoyed with person B for keeping on interrupting him, she said sorry.

Yet another member (a man) got annoyed she "has to be in everywhere" and acts like a spoilt child if he says no by going on and on and finding a way to "get in".

This man is known for getting free cups of coffee of people, so Person B said when he gets paid she is going to get him to buy her the most expensive drink in the coffee shop.

She is popular with everyone.
I've had past troubles with popular people who feel a bit "off" but can't explain why, until something manifests later.

She invited herself with me to an arts centre I just wanted to go to on my own as I felt drained by her. I introduced her to some people there.

Anyway, ever since, unlike Person A who is direct when cheesed off, I have felt vibes from person B, like I have wronged her. Person B can be abusive and admits it, but at least I know where I stand with her.

Person B bossed me about, she must have sussed I get embarrassed when bossed about, and when I pulled her up on it, instead of saying sorry, she made an excuse.

A few days later, in a group, while I was talking, she interrupted me and when I said "I'm not finished" instead of apologising, and letting me speak, she turned her back on me and ignored me and kept on speaking.
Yesterday I wasn't going to meet them for coffee I was just going to go to the arts centre, but afterwards I wanted one. Big mistake.

I was quite glad no one was there, Person A was, but I was not going to sit with her, I am on good terms with her, but can only handle her in small doses. I would just wave.
I didn't notice person B and two other group members (not computer man) sat in the corner, they did not shout me over.
When I went out to sit alone, person A called me over, she cried, she told me she had been to the GP surgery and a sore on her face was the early onset of skin cancer. She said she knows she has been difficult and is sorry.
She told me 3 other group members are in the coffee shop.
When we are sat in, or, outside the coffee shop, if someone in our group shows up, we make a space for them, get a chair or let them get one, not this time.

While person A was talking to person B about her skin cancer, I asked if we could join them. One lady in the group looked at me and pointed to a nearby table with the expression "It's best if you sit there"
Dejectedly I did, person A sat opposite and I told person A I feel a weird vibe, person A was happy to come outside with me. I felt degraded.

I said something to the others like "If you want to join us you can"
Person B said "I'm on the phone!"
I said "I see"

When we got out, I didn't want to go into why I felt a bad vibe, but I said I did. So did person A.

Person A said that Person B has been talking about me.
She said that I am coming on to computer man. Person B has a crush on him, she treats him like he is her partner. He does not reciprocate, he is not interested in her that way.

While still sitting with person A and getting ready to go, I needed to use the restroom and told person A I was going in the coffee shop and would give them all a beaming smile and say Goodbye as if nothing had happened.

By this time, the group of 3 had made space for 3 more people we know, despite not letting me sit with them earlier.
This made me feel more like I had done something wrong, I suspected person B had been talking about me, and they fell for it.

When I went in the coffee shop to say goodbye most of them never said goodbye to me.

I messaged the woman this afternoon about it, she said they were shocked about the news that person A had skin cancer, yet they never came out to talk to her about it, she was in tears.

She said she had also pointed to another chair but I must not have heard her.

She said she can't speak for everyone but she has no problem with me.
I wished I had of said "You must have heard me say goodbye" but I didn't think.
She said she hopes I feel better now that I know I am welcome as far as she is concerned, I said we are good, but I just know person B has it in for me. I felt like I put her on a spot and I apologised for doing so.

If you cheese off person A, she tells you, it might be abusive, then and there, you know where you are with her, she apologises later.
If you cheese off person B, she doesn't tell you, the abuse is more subtle, so no one but the target of her abuse knows something is "off".

I just get a dark vibe about person B and wonder what others think of this. I feel put off going out with them but then I would miss the company of people I like.



diagnosedafter50
Toucan
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Joined: 15 Dec 2020
Age: 55
Posts: 294
Location: United Kingdom

30 Jul 2021, 12:38 pm

I would like your input on Person B, not to insult her, just to give me your take on how you think she feels and how you think she deals with things as opposed to person A, who doesn't bother me that much, except when she plays up, and even then, I managed to tell her when she was calmer.

My personal view on person A is that she may be narcissistic, but I am not 100% sure.



Blue_Star
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30 Jul 2021, 12:46 pm

There seems to be some pronoun issues going on. Person B reads to be referred to as both he & she. It makes it very difficult to keep track of when A vs B is being written about.



diagnosedafter50
Toucan
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Age: 55
Posts: 294
Location: United Kingdom

30 Jul 2021, 5:31 pm

Blue_Star wrote:
There seems to be some pronoun issues going on. Person B reads to be referred to as both he & she. It makes it very difficult to keep track of when A vs B is being written about.

They are both female.
Both behave abusively.
Person A tells it like it is, there and then shouting insults etc.
Person B is more indirect, she knows I embarrass easily when belittled so she tries to boss me about. She deliberately interrupts and takes no notice when I ask her to stop. She excluded me yesterday.
She is vague, why can't she just tell me what her problem is?
I can't sort out a wrongdoing if I don't know what she is cheesed off about.
I don't feel I have done anything wrong, I sense intuitively that she is jealous of me because I am similar in nature to the quiet computer guy who she has her claws in and I was told by someone else that she thinks I am trying to come on to him.
I wouldn't do that.
She also knows I am autistic, and I think it's a bit harsh covertly bullying someone on the spectrum.
I want to say "Come on, spit it out, tell me what the problem is so we can sort it, because this is just plain silliness", but I think she will try to make out I am imagining she has a problem because she manages to do it in such a way that the others don't detect there is a problem, except computer guy who just wants a quiet life, he probably doesn't want any of us coming onto him, he sees me as a friend full stop.



Mona Pereth
Veteran
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Location: New York City (Queens)

12 Aug 2021, 8:15 pm

Blue_Star wrote:
There seems to be some pronoun issues going on. Person B reads to be referred to as both he & she. It makes it very difficult to keep track of when A vs B is being written about.

Upon first reading it appeared that "person B" was the relatively easy-going man who is into computers. Subsequent paragraphs didn't make sense. So, on second reading, I concluded that "person B" must be someone other than the computer man. I'm still a bit confused about who is who.


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diagnosedafter50
Toucan
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Joined: 15 Dec 2020
Age: 55
Posts: 294
Location: United Kingdom

14 Aug 2021, 11:41 am

Sorry to confuse everyone.
Person A tells it like it is when she is cheesed off, rants and then she's done.
Person B is more underhand, she won't come out and tell you she is cheesed off, she will find various subtle ways to get to you by bossing you about, by interrupting you and then ignoring you when you try to pull her up on it etc.



browneyedgirlslowingdown
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14 Aug 2021, 11:48 am

They both seem unhealthy. I would suggest other connections if possible.


_________________
Diagnosed ASD 5/17/21
AQ 40/50
Your broader autism cluster (Aspie) score: 153 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 50 of 200
You are very likely on the broader autism cluster (Aspie)
Systemising Quotient (SQ) 78
Empathy Quotient (EQ) 41
CAT-Q 156 Compensation 56 Masking 48 Assimilation 52


diagnosedafter50
Toucan
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Joined: 15 Dec 2020
Age: 55
Posts: 294
Location: United Kingdom

14 Aug 2021, 11:49 am

browneyedgirlslowingdown wrote:
They both seem unhealthy. I would suggest other connections if possible.

Yeah.
Person A is not a problem, she has fallen out with me, but at least she said why.
Person B is more of a problem because she is part of a group who I get on with, and to cut her out would mean losing the other members of the group.



browneyedgirlslowingdown
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14 Aug 2021, 11:58 am

diagnosedafter50 wrote:
browneyedgirlslowingdown wrote:
They both seem unhealthy. I would suggest other connections if possible.

Yeah.
Person A is not a problem, she has fallen out with me, but at least she said why.
Person B is more of a problem because she is part of a group who I get on with, and to cut her out would mean losing the other members of the group.


Is it possible to stay in the group but not engage in one-to-one interactions with her outside of it, but engage in one-to-one interactions with other people you find more healthy in the group?


_________________
Diagnosed ASD 5/17/21
AQ 40/50
Your broader autism cluster (Aspie) score: 153 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 50 of 200
You are very likely on the broader autism cluster (Aspie)
Systemising Quotient (SQ) 78
Empathy Quotient (EQ) 41
CAT-Q 156 Compensation 56 Masking 48 Assimilation 52


diagnosedafter50
Toucan
Toucan

Joined: 15 Dec 2020
Age: 55
Posts: 294
Location: United Kingdom

14 Aug 2021, 12:10 pm

browneyedgirlslowingdown wrote:
diagnosedafter50 wrote:
browneyedgirlslowingdown wrote:
They both seem unhealthy. I would suggest other connections if possible.

Yeah.
Person A is not a problem, she has fallen out with me, but at least she said why.
Person B is more of a problem because she is part of a group who I get on with, and to cut her out would mean losing the other members of the group.


Is it possible to stay in the group but not engage in one-to-one interactions with her outside of it, but engage in one-to-one interactions with other people you find more healthy in the group?

She is the sort of person who has to get in everywhere.
Some of us meet and we do our own thing on other days or after we meet, like, one is into theatre stuff, and she wormed her way in with him even though he didn't want her to.
I go to an arts centre, anyone can go, I'd rather go alone, but she asks to come with me.
She has a crush on another member and told some of us in confidence that they were an item. She walks with him to the bus.
I trust him, she has it in for me because he has told me stuff he hasn't ever told anyone, not even his best mate.
She thinks I am coming on to him.
Today, I had a one to one with him, he can't stick her in reality. We felt like two sly school kids going somewhere else and hiding from the rest of them. We just couldn't face her today.



browneyedgirlslowingdown
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14 Aug 2021, 12:14 pm

diagnosedafter50 wrote:
browneyedgirlslowingdown wrote:
diagnosedafter50 wrote:
browneyedgirlslowingdown wrote:
They both seem unhealthy. I would suggest other connections if possible.

Yeah.
Person A is not a problem, she has fallen out with me, but at least she said why.
Person B is more of a problem because she is part of a group who I get on with, and to cut her out would mean losing the other members of the group.


Is it possible to stay in the group but not engage in one-to-one interactions with her outside of it, but engage in one-to-one interactions with other people you find more healthy in the group?

She is the sort of person who has to get in everywhere.
Some of us meet and we do our own thing on other days or after we meet, like, one is into theatre stuff, and she wormed her way in with him even though he didn't want her to.
I go to an arts centre, anyone can go, I'd rather go alone, but she asks to come with me.
She has a crush on another member and told some of us in confidence that they were an item. She walks with him to the bus.
I trust him, she has it in for me because he has told me stuff he hasn't ever told anyone, not even his best mate.
She thinks I am coming on to him.
Today, I had a one to one with him, he can't stick her in reality. We felt like two sly school kids going somewhere else and hiding from the rest of them. We just couldn't face her today.


I would say very clearly when you want to do something alone, that you would prefer to be alone and let it go. If she throws a fit, that's not your problem. It sounds like a boundary issue to be honest. If no one is telling her no, and she has no boundaries and no one is making them by saying no, I don't know what to say.

Also, maybe you should not be discussing your relationships with others in the group with her, that also seems like a boundary issue. When you are with someone stick with that as the conversation, not the group. Just my two cents. Feel free to toss it in the garbage bin.


_________________
Diagnosed ASD 5/17/21
AQ 40/50
Your broader autism cluster (Aspie) score: 153 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 50 of 200
You are very likely on the broader autism cluster (Aspie)
Systemising Quotient (SQ) 78
Empathy Quotient (EQ) 41
CAT-Q 156 Compensation 56 Masking 48 Assimilation 52


diagnosedafter50
Toucan
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Joined: 15 Dec 2020
Age: 55
Posts: 294
Location: United Kingdom

14 Aug 2021, 12:18 pm

browneyedgirlslowingdown wrote:
diagnosedafter50 wrote:
browneyedgirlslowingdown wrote:
diagnosedafter50 wrote:
browneyedgirlslowingdown wrote:
They both seem unhealthy. I would suggest other connections if possible.

Yeah.
Person A is not a problem, she has fallen out with me, but at least she said why.
Person B is more of a problem because she is part of a group who I get on with, and to cut her out would mean losing the other members of the group.


Is it possible to stay in the group but not engage in one-to-one interactions with her outside of it, but engage in one-to-one interactions with other people you find more healthy in the group?

She is the sort of person who has to get in everywhere.
Some of us meet and we do our own thing on other days or after we meet, like, one is into theatre stuff, and she wormed her way in with him even though he didn't want her to.
I go to an arts centre, anyone can go, I'd rather go alone, but she asks to come with me.
She has a crush on another member and told some of us in confidence that they were an item. She walks with him to the bus.
I trust him, she has it in for me because he has told me stuff he hasn't ever told anyone, not even his best mate.
She thinks I am coming on to him.
Today, I had a one to one with him, he can't stick her in reality. We felt like two sly school kids going somewhere else and hiding from the rest of them. We just couldn't face her today.


I would say very clearly when you want to do something alone, that you would prefer to be alone and let it go. If she throws a fit, that's not your problem. It sounds like a boundary issue to be honest. If no one is telling her no, and she has no boundaries and no one is making them by saying no, I don't know what to say.

Also, maybe you should not be discussing your relationships with others in the group with her, that also seems like a boundary issue. When you are with someone stick with that as the conversation, not the group. Just my two cents. Feel free to toss it in the garbage bin.

Not putting this in the rubbish bin.
She has no boundaries, she doesn't throw fits like the other more straightforward woman mentioned, her revenge is more slow and undetectable, except to the target.

My friend and I agree she is a narcissist.

These people don't do no.

It's hard to avoid gossip when someone pisses you off.
Two of us are affected by her and it feels nice to share with each other our experience, we don't feel so alone.

She seems to have other group members fooled.

My coach said she is targeting me as I am a threat to her.



browneyedgirlslowingdown
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Joined: 2 May 2021
Age: 34
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Posts: 191

14 Aug 2021, 12:40 pm

diagnosedafter50 wrote:
browneyedgirlslowingdown wrote:
diagnosedafter50 wrote:
browneyedgirlslowingdown wrote:
diagnosedafter50 wrote:
browneyedgirlslowingdown wrote:
They both seem unhealthy. I would suggest other connections if possible.

Yeah.
Person A is not a problem, she has fallen out with me, but at least she said why.
Person B is more of a problem because she is part of a group who I get on with, and to cut her out would mean losing the other members of the group.


Is it possible to stay in the group but not engage in one-to-one interactions with her outside of it, but engage in one-to-one interactions with other people you find more healthy in the group?

She is the sort of person who has to get in everywhere.
Some of us meet and we do our own thing on other days or after we meet, like, one is into theatre stuff, and she wormed her way in with him even though he didn't want her to.
I go to an arts centre, anyone can go, I'd rather go alone, but she asks to come with me.
She has a crush on another member and told some of us in confidence that they were an item. She walks with him to the bus.
I trust him, she has it in for me because he has told me stuff he hasn't ever told anyone, not even his best mate.
She thinks I am coming on to him.
Today, I had a one to one with him, he can't stick her in reality. We felt like two sly school kids going somewhere else and hiding from the rest of them. We just couldn't face her today.


I would say very clearly when you want to do something alone, that you would prefer to be alone and let it go. If she throws a fit, that's not your problem. It sounds like a boundary issue to be honest. If no one is telling her no, and she has no boundaries and no one is making them by saying no, I don't know what to say.

Also, maybe you should not be discussing your relationships with others in the group with her, that also seems like a boundary issue. When you are with someone stick with that as the conversation, not the group. Just my two cents. Feel free to toss it in the garbage bin.

Not putting this in the rubbish bin.
She has no boundaries, she doesn't throw fits like the other more straightforward woman mentioned, her revenge is more slow and undetectable, except to the target.

My friend and I agree she is a narcissist.

These people don't do no.

It's hard to avoid gossip when someone pisses you off.
Two of us are affected by her and it feels nice to share with each other our experience, we don't feel so alone.

She seems to have other group members fooled.

My coach said she is targeting me as I am a threat to her.


I try not to take people's lack of boundaries personally. They will go after anyone they think has weak ones. I dunno. I would really just tell her no.


_________________
Diagnosed ASD 5/17/21
AQ 40/50
Your broader autism cluster (Aspie) score: 153 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 50 of 200
You are very likely on the broader autism cluster (Aspie)
Systemising Quotient (SQ) 78
Empathy Quotient (EQ) 41
CAT-Q 156 Compensation 56 Masking 48 Assimilation 52


diagnosedafter50
Toucan
Toucan

Joined: 15 Dec 2020
Age: 55
Posts: 294
Location: United Kingdom

14 Aug 2021, 1:18 pm

browneyedgirlslowingdown wrote:
diagnosedafter50 wrote:
browneyedgirlslowingdown wrote:
diagnosedafter50 wrote:
browneyedgirlslowingdown wrote:
diagnosedafter50 wrote:
browneyedgirlslowingdown wrote:
They both seem unhealthy. I would suggest other connections if possible.

Yeah.
Person A is not a problem, she has fallen out with me, but at least she said why.
Person B is more of a problem because she is part of a group who I get on with, and to cut her out would mean losing the other members of the group.


Is it possible to stay in the group but not engage in one-to-one interactions with her outside of it, but engage in one-to-one interactions with other people you find more healthy in the group?

She is the sort of person who has to get in everywhere.
Some of us meet and we do our own thing on other days or after we meet, like, one is into theatre stuff, and she wormed her way in with him even though he didn't want her to.
I go to an arts centre, anyone can go, I'd rather go alone, but she asks to come with me.
She has a crush on another member and told some of us in confidence that they were an item. She walks with him to the bus.
I trust him, she has it in for me because he has told me stuff he hasn't ever told anyone, not even his best mate.
She thinks I am coming on to him.
Today, I had a one to one with him, he can't stick her in reality. We felt like two sly school kids going somewhere else and hiding from the rest of them. We just couldn't face her today.


I would say very clearly when you want to do something alone, that you would prefer to be alone and let it go. If she throws a fit, that's not your problem. It sounds like a boundary issue to be honest. If no one is telling her no, and she has no boundaries and no one is making them by saying no, I don't know what to say.

Also, maybe you should not be discussing your relationships with others in the group with her, that also seems like a boundary issue. When you are with someone stick with that as the conversation, not the group. Just my two cents. Feel free to toss it in the garbage bin.

Not putting this in the rubbish bin.
She has no boundaries, she doesn't throw fits like the other more straightforward woman mentioned, her revenge is more slow and undetectable, except to the target.

My friend and I agree she is a narcissist.

These people don't do no.

It's hard to avoid gossip when someone pisses you off.
Two of us are affected by her and it feels nice to share with each other our experience, we don't feel so alone.

She seems to have other group members fooled.

My coach said she is targeting me as I am a threat to her.


I try not to take people's lack of boundaries personally. They will go after anyone they think has weak ones. I dunno. I would really just tell her no.

She sees me as a threat as I get on with the friend she has a crush on, him and me are not romantically involved we have just stuff in common.
He might be autistic and others just don't understand.
My coach said unlike the other lady who has gone off to do her own thing, this one is here to stay and her behaviour will get sillier and sillier.
My coach said that she will only get me down if I let her.



browneyedgirlslowingdown
Pileated woodpecker
Pileated woodpecker

Joined: 2 May 2021
Age: 34
Gender: Female
Posts: 191

14 Aug 2021, 1:33 pm

diagnosedafter50 wrote:
browneyedgirlslowingdown wrote:
diagnosedafter50 wrote:
browneyedgirlslowingdown wrote:
diagnosedafter50 wrote:
browneyedgirlslowingdown wrote:
diagnosedafter50 wrote:
browneyedgirlslowingdown wrote:
They both seem unhealthy. I would suggest other connections if possible.

Yeah.
Person A is not a problem, she has fallen out with me, but at least she said why.
Person B is more of a problem because she is part of a group who I get on with, and to cut her out would mean losing the other members of the group.


Is it possible to stay in the group but not engage in one-to-one interactions with her outside of it, but engage in one-to-one interactions with other people you find more healthy in the group?

She is the sort of person who has to get in everywhere.
Some of us meet and we do our own thing on other days or after we meet, like, one is into theatre stuff, and she wormed her way in with him even though he didn't want her to.
I go to an arts centre, anyone can go, I'd rather go alone, but she asks to come with me.
She has a crush on another member and told some of us in confidence that they were an item. She walks with him to the bus.
I trust him, she has it in for me because he has told me stuff he hasn't ever told anyone, not even his best mate.
She thinks I am coming on to him.
Today, I had a one to one with him, he can't stick her in reality. We felt like two sly school kids going somewhere else and hiding from the rest of them. We just couldn't face her today.


I would say very clearly when you want to do something alone, that you would prefer to be alone and let it go. If she throws a fit, that's not your problem. It sounds like a boundary issue to be honest. If no one is telling her no, and she has no boundaries and no one is making them by saying no, I don't know what to say.

Also, maybe you should not be discussing your relationships with others in the group with her, that also seems like a boundary issue. When you are with someone stick with that as the conversation, not the group. Just my two cents. Feel free to toss it in the garbage bin.

Not putting this in the rubbish bin.
She has no boundaries, she doesn't throw fits like the other more straightforward woman mentioned, her revenge is more slow and undetectable, except to the target.

My friend and I agree she is a narcissist.

These people don't do no.

It's hard to avoid gossip when someone pisses you off.
Two of us are affected by her and it feels nice to share with each other our experience, we don't feel so alone.

She seems to have other group members fooled.

My coach said she is targeting me as I am a threat to her.


I try not to take people's lack of boundaries personally. They will go after anyone they think has weak ones. I dunno. I would really just tell her no.

She sees me as a threat as I get on with the friend she has a crush on, him and me are not romantically involved we have just stuff in common.
He might be autistic and others just don't understand.
My coach said unlike the other lady who has gone off to do her own thing, this one is here to stay and her behaviour will get sillier and sillier.
My coach said that she will only get me down if I let her.


If you arent romantically interested in this guy what does it matter what she thinks of you? I guess I don't understand what the issue is. She can think whatever she wants. If she wants to go with you somewhere and you don't want her to, say no. If she tries to go with the guy and he doesn't want her to he can say no. Not saying no, talking about her, and going round in circles just seems unhealthy. I will leave it there, as I am not sure what else to say.


_________________
Diagnosed ASD 5/17/21
AQ 40/50
Your broader autism cluster (Aspie) score: 153 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 50 of 200
You are very likely on the broader autism cluster (Aspie)
Systemising Quotient (SQ) 78
Empathy Quotient (EQ) 41
CAT-Q 156 Compensation 56 Masking 48 Assimilation 52


diagnosedafter50
Toucan
Toucan

Joined: 15 Dec 2020
Age: 55
Posts: 294
Location: United Kingdom

14 Aug 2021, 1:50 pm

browneyedgirlslowingdown wrote:
diagnosedafter50 wrote:
browneyedgirlslowingdown wrote:
diagnosedafter50 wrote:
browneyedgirlslowingdown wrote:
diagnosedafter50 wrote:
browneyedgirlslowingdown wrote:
diagnosedafter50 wrote:
browneyedgirlslowingdown wrote:
They both seem unhealthy. I would suggest other connections if possible.

Yeah.
Person A is not a problem, she has fallen out with me, but at least she said why.
Person B is more of a problem because she is part of a group who I get on with, and to cut her out would mean losing the other members of the group.


Is it possible to stay in the group but not engage in one-to-one interactions with her outside of it, but engage in one-to-one interactions with other people you find more healthy in the group?

She is the sort of person who has to get in everywhere.
Some of us meet and we do our own thing on other days or after we meet, like, one is into theatre stuff, and she wormed her way in with him even though he didn't want her to.
I go to an arts centre, anyone can go, I'd rather go alone, but she asks to come with me.
She has a crush on another member and told some of us in confidence that they were an item. She walks with him to the bus.
I trust him, she has it in for me because he has told me stuff he hasn't ever told anyone, not even his best mate.
She thinks I am coming on to him.
Today, I had a one to one with him, he can't stick her in reality. We felt like two sly school kids going somewhere else and hiding from the rest of them. We just couldn't face her today.


I would say very clearly when you want to do something alone, that you would prefer to be alone and let it go. If she throws a fit, that's not your problem. It sounds like a boundary issue to be honest. If no one is telling her no, and she has no boundaries and no one is making them by saying no, I don't know what to say.

Also, maybe you should not be discussing your relationships with others in the group with her, that also seems like a boundary issue. When you are with someone stick with that as the conversation, not the group. Just my two cents. Feel free to toss it in the garbage bin.

Not putting this in the rubbish bin.
She has no boundaries, she doesn't throw fits like the other more straightforward woman mentioned, her revenge is more slow and undetectable, except to the target.

My friend and I agree she is a narcissist.

These people don't do no.

It's hard to avoid gossip when someone pisses you off.
Two of us are affected by her and it feels nice to share with each other our experience, we don't feel so alone.

She seems to have other group members fooled.

My coach said she is targeting me as I am a threat to her.


I try not to take people's lack of boundaries personally. They will go after anyone they think has weak ones. I dunno. I would really just tell her no.

She sees me as a threat as I get on with the friend she has a crush on, him and me are not romantically involved we have just stuff in common.
He might be autistic and others just don't understand.
My coach said unlike the other lady who has gone off to do her own thing, this one is here to stay and her behaviour will get sillier and sillier.
My coach said that she will only get me down if I let her.


If you arent romantically interested in this guy what does it matter what she thinks of you? I guess I don't understand what the issue is. She can think whatever she wants. If she wants to go with you somewhere and you don't want her to, say no. If she tries to go with the guy and he doesn't want her to he can say no. Not saying no, talking about her, and going round in circles just seems unhealthy. I will leave it there, as I am not sure what else to say.

It matters what she thinks of me because that will determine how she treats me.
People who think badly of me treat me badly.
Going round in circles is what narcissists do, and they send us round in circles.
She is just hard work to deal with, at least the other lady says it straight, this one just is underhand and slimy.