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browneyedgirlslowingdown
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28 Aug 2021, 5:20 pm

I feel really weird. It comes once and a while and stays. Its sadness, mixed with anxiety and leads to depression. It starts with someone doing something to me, I have a co-worker that feels threatened and feels the need to compete with me constantly. If I had known this person was at the company I would not have taken the position. She has also talked badly about me to my boss and another person, and because I am new and she isn't this kind of stuff sticks. He has already come down on me about it, and it makes me not like him or anyone else at the company so I will probably leave after my contract ends.

Anyways, that is just the trigger the subsequent feelings are hopelessness, feeling trapped, realizing again how I can't cope with life like everyone else, knowing that I need to work for myself, and so on and so forth. And because I feel so bad about myself...because of her hard work toward trying to make me feel insecure and uncomfortable, I spend my weekend feeling trapped and thinking about work, versus working on my business or something else.

I hate that so many people are this way. Why not just leave other people alone? Also, why do I have to be so aware of it? Why can't I be oblivious? Why do I have to have such sensitivity and clarity about what she is doing? I have responded to her, and forced her to back down repeatedly, and asserted myself. Initially, I thought she was just being nice and so I continued to be kind and trusting, but I realized it was workplace bullying and that I couldn't go to the boss, so I just started shutting her down.

I feel like I am in significant distress. I have to spend hours in this environment, and I don't want to at all. But, I have responsibilities. So I have to go until I liberate myself.

I keep rocking in my bed with a stuffie. I think I will lie under my weighted blanket now. How do you guys cope with experiences like these, she is so abrasive and aggressive toward me all day long. I think at this point, I hate her. It's been three weeks. I am so f*****g triggered I just want to run. Her face never matches her words, her words never match her face, her tone is jolly, but behind all of it is seething anger and aggression.


_________________
Diagnosed ASD 5/17/21
AQ 40/50
Your broader autism cluster (Aspie) score: 153 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 50 of 200
You are very likely on the broader autism cluster (Aspie)
Systemising Quotient (SQ) 78
Empathy Quotient (EQ) 41
CAT-Q 156 Compensation 56 Masking 48 Assimilation 52


Rexi
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28 Aug 2021, 8:17 pm

Bad people enjoy and believe in their words even if theyre bad words. Thats why their expression doesnt match their actions and words. It's common in videos people to speak about horrible political opinions or other kinds of opinions and seem like they admire their own beliefs.

Is there a way to disassemble the contract before 3 months? My boss has done it on a days notice, we just had to visit the company's lawyer and write down some request with some responsibility of my own accord. I don't know if that works in your country.


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Rexi
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28 Aug 2021, 8:39 pm

https://www.monster.com/career-advice/article/how-to-quit-a-job-you-just-started-0917


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badRobot
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08 Sep 2021, 11:56 am

browneyedgirlslowingdown wrote:
Anyways, that is just the trigger the subsequent feelings are hopelessness, feeling trapped, realizing again how I can't cope with life like everyone else, knowing that I need to work for myself, and so on and so forth. And because I feel so bad about myself...because of her hard work toward trying to make me feel insecure and uncomfortable, I spend my weekend feeling trapped and thinking about work, versus working on my business or something else.

This is not the trigger. This is something your brain picks to focus on to rationalize pre-existing depression.

browneyedgirlslowingdown wrote:
Also, why do I have to be so aware of it? Why can't I be oblivious? Why do I have to have such sensitivity and clarity about what she is doing?

You can put effort and intent into increasing your mental power and happiness. Happy brain has very different cognitive bias, it will be preoccupied with positive stuff, and will not notice as much negative or at least you'll be able to easily brush it off and get distracted by doing something fun.

Physical activity, direct sunlight, fresh air, proper nutrition is what makes our brain happy, gives us good mood. Mood is just a cognitive bias, what our brain will focus on to rationalize mostly pre-existing positive or negative emotions.



shortfatbalduglyman
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09 Sep 2021, 7:46 am

Human resources

Telecommute



browneyedgirlslowingdown
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Joined: 2 May 2021
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04 Oct 2021, 9:19 pm

I quit the next day, started another job a week later, and added another job last week. Thanks for the words and support. I have been in and out of depression ever since, but I'm ok.


_________________
Diagnosed ASD 5/17/21
AQ 40/50
Your broader autism cluster (Aspie) score: 153 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 50 of 200
You are very likely on the broader autism cluster (Aspie)
Systemising Quotient (SQ) 78
Empathy Quotient (EQ) 41
CAT-Q 156 Compensation 56 Masking 48 Assimilation 52


Rexi
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07 Oct 2021, 8:56 am

browneyedgirlslowingdown wrote:
I quit the next day, started another job a week later, and added another job last week. Thanks for the words and support. I have been in and out of depression ever since, but I'm ok.

That's good to hear. Seems like a lot of changes and keep strong and trying to find your path. Good luck!


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browneyedgirlslowingdown
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09 Oct 2021, 1:51 am

Rexi wrote:
browneyedgirlslowingdown wrote:
I quit the next day, started another job a week later, and added another job last week. Thanks for the words and support. I have been in and out of depression ever since, but I'm ok.

That's good to hear. Seems like a lot of changes and keep strong and trying to find your path. Good luck!


Thanks, I am exhausted.


_________________
Diagnosed ASD 5/17/21
AQ 40/50
Your broader autism cluster (Aspie) score: 153 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 50 of 200
You are very likely on the broader autism cluster (Aspie)
Systemising Quotient (SQ) 78
Empathy Quotient (EQ) 41
CAT-Q 156 Compensation 56 Masking 48 Assimilation 52