I attract people with learning difficulties/lower IQ

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Joe90
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12 Sep 2021, 3:53 pm

I don't generally fit in with NT conformists of my age range, and I don't even click with people with a high IQ or geeks, or people that have mental health issues like bipolar or anxiety (even though I have anxiety). The people I seem to attract the most are people with mild learning difficulties (people who struggled acedemically through school or are dyslexic and are usually in menial jobs all their lives). Most of my friends have lower IQs than me (not sure what my IQ is but it isn't over 100). People with mild learning difficulties just seem so easy to keep in touch with and get along with. People with average IQ (or higher) and are NT seem to ghost me or the friendship just fizzles out.

Why do I attract/get along with people with mild learning difficulties?


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13 Sep 2021, 4:21 am

There are theories on subconscious attraction over specific people and persistent dynamics.


In real life, I somewhat kept attracting above average NTs.
By above average, I do not mean IQ but EQ.

I meant leaning less on conforming and is at least emotionally and socially few levels ahead than average, is usually in charge or has more responsibilities than I could currently manage.
They seem to have a type of social savviness and an individual knack in all of them.


If online, then they tend to be less emotionally mature or has mental health issues. Or is younger than me.



I know where mine may came from -- it may came from my parents and towards their respective siblings.
Or whatever whatever my mom and dad are. Were. I dunno.



Usually, to know why you're attracting specific people -- it involves looking at your life backwards.


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magz
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13 Sep 2021, 5:07 am

I attract people with mental health issues.


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13 Sep 2021, 5:19 am

It's the same with me to most of the time. I think it's because we give off a very unthreating vibe which makes more placid and vulnerable people gravitate towards us.....often excessively so. Sadly a lot of the time these people make very unstable partners.



Joe90
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13 Sep 2021, 5:37 pm

Oddly enough my boyfriend is NT and is average/above IQ, although he is 20+ years older than me but isn't with me to take advantage.

But this thread is more about attracting friends, not partners.


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HeroOfHyrule
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13 Sep 2021, 6:59 pm

I attract generally ND people (ASD, ADHD, learning difficulties, etc.) and seem to be attracted to them. I think for me they're just easier to interact with, more "understanding", and more "relatable". I can't talk to NTs like I can talk to ND people.


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Joe90
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13 Sep 2021, 7:25 pm

I can talk to NT people but I just can't seem to develop that sort of bond, like I try to be friends (without being too intrusive or anything) but they seem to back away from me like they're thinking ''hmm, Joe90 is very friendly, got a good sense of humour, is emotionally understanding, is easy to talk to, makes eye contact...but there's still something about her I just can't put my finger on''. It is very depressing at times. I'm glad there are neurodiverse people in this world otherwise I'd never have anyone to be friends with.

I wonder if I suddenly turned round to another 30-something-year-old and said that I enjoy getting drunk every Saturday, they would suddenly like me?


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13 Sep 2021, 11:14 pm

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14 Sep 2021, 2:47 am

Joe90 wrote:
Oddly enough my boyfriend is NT and is average/above IQ, although he is 20+ years older than me but isn't with me to take advantage.

But this thread is more about attracting friends, not partners.


When it comes to friends then I don't really notice any problems with attracting people of normal intelligence. I don't know why the disparity between friends and potential partners.



ezbzbfcg2
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14 Sep 2021, 2:58 am

It's quite common for several reasons:

In childhood, Aspies tend to be more desperate for a friend, so may gladly accept the sociopath who shows interest in a "friendship," since no one else seems interested.

Aspies are probably more tolerant, having been excluded themselves, so may be more willing to act kindly to other folks who are "off," though not necessarily Autistic themselves.

Hostile/violent people with lower IQs may not be carte blanche crazy. There is social logic in their madness, and they may be more willing to show their true colors openly toward Aspies who have no social allies.

...and even otherwise well-mannered people may give into their secret hostile nature if it's socially-sanctioned to ostracize the Aspie.

Aspies may be more willing to listen to others, tied in with black-and-white thinking and wanting to treat others the way they wish they were treated. This may lead to conversations with people who are mentally ill, but who don't otherwise get an audience until they find the Aspie.



kuze
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16 Sep 2021, 12:56 am

Joe90 wrote:
I don't generally fit in with NT conformists of my age range, and I don't even click with people with a high IQ or geeks, or people that have mental health issues like bipolar or anxiety (even though I have anxiety). The people I seem to attract the most are people with mild learning difficulties (people who struggled academically through school or are dyslexic and are usually in menial jobs all their lives). Most of my friends have lower IQs than me (not sure what my IQ is but it isn't over 100). People with mild learning difficulties just seem so easy to keep in touch with and get along with. People with average IQ (or higher) and are NT seem to ghost me or the friendship just fizzles out.

Why do I attract/get along with people with mild learning difficulties?


Could be a parental thing. Back in the 50's Eric Burne said we portray 3 ego states when in conversation with another person; Parent, Adult & Child. Essentially the Parent ego takes a more caring approach and is seen by the respondent as a safe. The Adult ego is the one we use at work or when talking to an official person, lastly the Child ego, well who doesn't love to get wild or be mischievous. The whole concept is called Transactional Analysis, the main book is called Games People Play. Food for thought.

kuze


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16 Sep 2021, 9:43 am

Joe90 wrote:
Why do I attract/get along with people with mild learning difficulties?

Because we don't fit in with mainstream society, the only people we are likely to attract are fellow oddballs of one kind or another.

What kind of oddballs we attract will depend on, among other things, our interests. Other factors being equal, those of us with strong intellectual interests will tend to attract higher-IQ people, while those of us without strong intellectual interests will tend to attract lower-IQ people, it seems to me.


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kuze
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16 Sep 2021, 10:43 am

kuze wrote:
Joe90 wrote:
I don't generally fit in with NT conformists of my age range, and I don't even click with people with a high IQ or geeks, or people that have mental health issues like bipolar or anxiety (even though I have anxiety). The people I seem to attract the most are people with mild learning difficulties (people who struggled academically through school or are dyslexic and are usually in menial jobs all their lives). Most of my friends have lower IQs than me (not sure what my IQ is but it isn't over 100). People with mild learning difficulties just seem so easy to keep in touch with and get along with. People with average IQ (or higher) and are NT seem to ghost me or the friendship just fizzles out.

Why do I attract/get along with people with mild learning difficulties?


Could be a parental thing. Back in the 50's Eric Burne said we portray 3 ego states when in conversation with another person; Parent, Adult & Child. Essentially the Parent ego takes a more caring approach and is seen by the respondent as a safe. The Adult ego is the one we use at work or when talking to an official person, lastly the Child ego, well who doesn't love to get wild or be mischievous. The whole concept is called Transactional Analysis, the main book is called Games People Play. Food for thought.

kuze



Argh, forgot to say some of the people who are attracted to you might sense your parental side and magnetise to it. :roll:

kuze


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SadGhost
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21 Sep 2021, 11:31 am

I wish I attracted people with learning difficulties / lower IQ, as they seem to be a lot friendlier and way less judgmental than NT's and even higher-IQ aspies. I suppose it's because I'm not a bubbly person, and most of these types tend to be quite extroverted while I'm an extreme introvert.


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09 Oct 2021, 3:13 pm

At first I thought this was about romance, but after re-reading it seems to be more general. Well I'll answer from a romance perspective. I've noticed the few guys who seemed interested in me seem to be "low IQ." I've noticed this since around high school. I'm not sure what my IQ is but I've always just assumed it was higher than average...Mainly because it wasn't uncommon for me to do better on tests than my peers. And I have a college degree. However, I'm starting to think that most NTs initially view me as "slow" or "retarded." (Sorry for the use of offensive terms.) I've been insulted by being called a retard. On Wrongplanet I've read plenty of posts about us looking "off" to NTs before we ever even interact with them. But it seems I not only look "off" but specifically I look "slow" to them. NTs say a lot of people "look slow" just based on subtle mannerisms or facial expressions. I don't stim at all and I usually follow fashion trends but I still look "slow." Most NT men will not be attracted to that. But those with learning disabilities won't notice or won't mind. As for general friendships, yes, I've had NT friends ghost me too. I don't have any ND friends.



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09 Oct 2021, 4:11 pm

As regards romantic / intimate relationships I appear to attract people with personality disorders. My theory is that they are attracted to how calm and quiet (or boring?) I am on a superficial level but at a subconcious level know that I will not be able to cope with them - so I will end up behaving in ways that support their core belief system. Its an interesting thing.

As regards learning disabilities, well there is no element of attraction there either way as far as Im concerned, however I have worked with people having an LD for most of my career and have to say that I find them far easier to get on with than people with average and higher IQ's. I find them to be far less judgement for a start.


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