Page 1 of 1 [ 6 posts ] 

robo37
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 Jan 2009
Age: 27
Gender: Male
Posts: 505

13 Sep 2021, 12:33 pm

I have a friend at work who I've been super close to for over a year, we've been best friends for a while and used to send each other really long 4-6 paragraph messages back and forth each day and she explicitly told me how happy she is to have someone like me to talk to.

But then she got a promotion and she stopped talking to me nearly as much. I assumed this was because she was just too busy to talk, but then recently we had a routine 121 call (we work from home and so can't talk in person) and she told me she wanted to keep our conversations strictly work related.

Am I wrong to think this is weird? She said it was because she noticed I was upset when she cancelled our last 121 and she didn't want to upset me again, but I don't understand what that means I don't see the collation.



kraftiekortie
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 Feb 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 78,534
Location: Queens, NYC

13 Sep 2021, 1:12 pm

Has she become your supervisor? This has many implications. She can get in trouble for "fraternizing" with you. My impression is this is the reason why she's cooled off with you recently---though I can be wrong.

Most people aren't sticklers for this sort of thing; but I sense she might be a stickler.

I can understand that you're upset. I would be upset, too.



Arathors
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

User avatar

Joined: 11 Aug 2020
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Posts: 30
Location: US

14 Sep 2021, 4:13 pm

I think the thing about not wanting to upset you is her noticing that you want to still be friends and giving you a heads up that it's not possible anymore. Like kraftie said, if she's your supervisor now, or even in some sort of supervisory chain that includes you, it might be challenging for her to continue being friends. That would be frustrating for me too. Friends aren't easy to come by. But if she was really glad to have someone like you to talk to, this probably wasn't a decision she reached easily.


_________________
Curious about almost everything. I'm especially interested in chess puzzles (warning: I'm not good at them), writing fiction, and reading scientific journals, particularly articles that I can use to improve myself or my life somehow. PMs welcome.


Summer_Twilight
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 13 Sep 2011
Age: 40
Gender: Female
Posts: 4,193

22 Sep 2021, 12:17 pm

robo37 wrote:
I have a friend at work who I've been super close to for over a year, we've been best friends for a while and used to send each other really long 4-6 paragraph messages back and forth each day and she explicitly told me how happy she is to have someone like me to talk to.

But then she got a promotion and she stopped talking to me nearly as much. I assumed this was because she was just too busy to talk, but then recently we had a routine 121 call (we work from home and so can't talk in person) and she told me she wanted to keep our conversations strictly work related.

Am I wrong to think this is weird? She said it was because she noticed I was upset when she cancelled our last 121 and she didn't want to upset me again, but I don't understand what that means I don't see the collation.


It depends how you managed your emotions and what you did or said to make set those boundaries with you. It sounds like there is a conflict going on and you might want to ask to talk to her privately.

"Did I do anything that upset you? If so what I do wrong? If not, are you not interested in associating with me anymore?'

If she tells you that she's not interested you could say, "I am really upset because I miss talking to you and I was looking forward to seeing you at the meeting."

Now regarding the meeting, I am sure it was nothing against you, as she probably is really busy.



Mona Pereth
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 11 Sep 2018
Age: 63
Gender: Female
Posts: 4,393
Location: New York City (Queens)

22 Sep 2021, 12:46 pm

robo37 wrote:
I have a friend at work who I've been super close to for over a year, we've been best friends for a while and used to send each other really long 4-6 paragraph messages back and forth each day and she explicitly told me how happy she is to have someone like me to talk to.

But then she got a promotion and she stopped talking to me nearly as much. I assumed this was because she was just too busy to talk, but then recently we had a routine 121 call (we work from home and so can't talk in person) and she told me she wanted to keep our conversations strictly work related.

Am I wrong to think this is weird? She said it was because she noticed I was upset when she cancelled our last 121 and she didn't want to upset me again, but I don't understand what that means I don't see the collation.

Perhaps she thinks you've developed a romantic crush on her (and she's not interested in you romantically)? Or perhaps (even if she sees your attachment to her as just a platonic friendship), she needs to avoid an appearance of favoritism toward you, now that she has been promoted? Either way, she probably wants you to get over your desire for any kind of close relationship/friendship with her.


_________________
- Autistic in NYC - Resources and new ideas for the autistic adult community in the New York City metro area.
- Autistic peer-led groups (via text-based chat, currently) led or facilitated by members of the Autistic Peer Leadership Group.
- My Twitter (new as of 2021)


kraftiekortie
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 Feb 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 78,534
Location: Queens, NYC

22 Sep 2021, 12:55 pm

If I were you, I wouldn't broach the subject at all with her---unless she broaches the subject with you.

Just keep it professional.

I would be hurt, too, if I were in your situation.