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hurtloam
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14 Oct 2021, 2:46 pm

What do you think you did that was too clingy? Were you told that you were too clingy?

Why don't you ask her out on a date again? Just see how you get along. If it goes well ask her on another date and so on.



dtcyankee
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14 Oct 2021, 3:44 pm

hurtloam wrote:
What do you think you did that was too clingy? Were you told that you were too clingy?

Why don't you ask her out on a date again? Just see how you get along. If it goes well ask her on another date and so on.

My ex told me I was too clingy and too attached to her and it put too much pressure on her or some crap. I really don’t know what I’m doing.

I am afraid of the same thing happening with this one and that is why I am afraid to ask her out on dates and just kinda go at her pace.



hurtloam
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14 Oct 2021, 4:23 pm

Ah, your question makes a lot of sense now.

Asking her on dates is a good thing. Texting constantly can be too much. Asking to see someone on a Friday night is great. Asking to see them Friday, Saturday and Sunday is too much.



dtcyankee
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14 Oct 2021, 6:13 pm

hurtloam wrote:
Ah, your question makes a lot of sense now.

Asking her on dates is a good thing. Texting constantly can be too much. Asking to see someone on a Friday night is great. Asking to see them Friday, Saturday and Sunday is too much.

Our work schedule is a little crazy right now too and I don’t want to smother her on her off days. I just need to be patient and keep taking it slow I think.



dtcyankee
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15 Oct 2021, 8:46 pm

Don’t know what to do. Am I overthinking? Is this how relationships go?



cyberdad
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15 Oct 2021, 9:32 pm

dtcyankee wrote:
We broke the touch barrier pretty early in the first date. I wasn’t expecting to, but it just happened. Kissed, hugged and held hands on the first date. Made out several times since.


hmmm sounds like the trust barrier broke pretty early. Just a comment (and don't take this is the wrong way) it seems pretty weird to my NT brain that you kissed/hugged/made out but you have only dated 3 times in a few months??

Once you cross there then I can't quite buy the claims that you are both too busy. People can always find time.

If she is the one limiting how often you both meet then something is fishy? Is she really a workaholic? perhaps she has other male friends? In my experience once girls who are single and have kissed me they can't wait to see my again for more. It's no surprise they also enjoy the chemical high from the kissing/cuddling experience.

Or are you limiting the interaction because you are too cautious? you mentioned your anxiety, could it be she wouldn't mind seeing you more but you are taking things slow?

It sounds like you can take things to the next level. Just a wild guess but it seems more likely you are the one holding things up.



dtcyankee
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15 Oct 2021, 10:11 pm

cyberdad wrote:
dtcyankee wrote:
We broke the touch barrier pretty early in the first date. I wasn’t expecting to, but it just happened. Kissed, hugged and held hands on the first date. Made out several times since.


hmmm sounds like the trust barrier broke pretty early. Just a comment (and don't take this is the wrong way) it seems pretty weird to my NT brain that you kissed/hugged/made out but you have only dated 3 times in a few months??

Once you cross there then I can't quite buy the claims that you are both too busy. People can always find time.

If she is the one limiting how often you both meet then something is fishy? Is she really a workaholic? perhaps she has other male friends? In my experience once girls who are single and have kissed me they can't wait to see my again for more. It's no surprise they also enjoy the chemical high from the kissing/cuddling experience.

Or are you limiting the interaction because you are too cautious? you mentioned your anxiety, could it be she wouldn't mind seeing you more but you are taking things slow?

It sounds like you can take things to the next level. Just a wild guess but it seems more likely you are the one holding things up.

I am not the best at asking her to meet up outside of work because I am aftraid of scaring her off and being too attached. If she has other male friends she hasn’t mentioned anything. Pretty sure I am the one holding things up. It is still great whenever I see her at work and we chat for a little bit.

She is also admittedly shy and quiet



cyberdad
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15 Oct 2021, 11:40 pm

dtcyankee wrote:
Pretty sure I am the one holding things up. It is still great whenever I see her at work and we chat for a little bit.


I think the time is right to meet more often. I would suggest making the meetings fun, like visiting the parks/zoos/aquarium take a camera and take pictures :D or going to the cinema or going for a coffee and trying something new like a triple milkshake or some funny icecream place. Also buy her a small gift every time you meet her but don't make a big deal about it.

That way the outing is planned/fun (not just some awkward meeting). If she is quiet and shy I am sure she would love it. get a gift, have fun with you doing something nice and then finishing up with kisses and cuddles, No girl would say no.



dtcyankee
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16 Oct 2021, 5:43 pm

And now I’m sitting here alone and depressed and over thinking things and feeling like I should just give up on her.

Is this normal?



kraftiekortie
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16 Oct 2021, 7:00 pm

Maybe it’s “normal”—but don’t give up on her.



cyberdad
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17 Oct 2021, 12:02 am

dtcyankee wrote:
And now I’m sitting here alone and depressed and over thinking things and feeling like I should just give up on her.

Is this normal?


What is better is to tell her you want to share time/fun with her. Positive vibes rub off. I am sure that's what she wants too.



dtcyankee
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17 Oct 2021, 7:30 am

Is asking her to go for a walk with my dog and I a good idea?



kraftiekortie
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17 Oct 2021, 7:46 am

Not yet. That’s too intimate.

First go on a date outside of your job.



dtcyankee
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17 Oct 2021, 8:17 am

I’m so confused. I have no clue what’s right and wrong. That’s why I want to give up. Anxiety is killing me



dtcyankee
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17 Oct 2021, 8:20 am

I have asked her in the past if she would like to join me for walks, and I guess I shouldn’t have now, but she said she’s wanted to if she didn’t already have plans. Unless she’s lying to me



kraftiekortie
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17 Oct 2021, 8:53 am

First, go to the cinema or something.