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dtcyankee
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08 Oct 2021, 5:43 pm

Met a girl at work. We are both shy and have mild adhd. We have been talking for 2 months mostly at work. Hardly ever text or talk on the phone. Have been on 3 dates and last week she invited me to a group event with her and her sisters friends at her place. Said everyone liked me and thought I was nice and I felt the same way about them.

I just have a tough time taking it slow even though I know it’s better that way and my anxiety sometimes gets the best of me.



Sweetleaf
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08 Oct 2021, 8:21 pm

Kind of seems like it is going well though. I suppose I am confused on what exactly you need advice for, sounds like you and her are connecting enough she wants to invite you into her life a bit more. If anything that is a good sign. So I suppose I am a little confused what you are worried about exactly.

You say you have at tough time taking it slow, do you mean you feel like you are rushing things or like you might go all in too early? Or do you feel like she is rushing things?



kraftiekortie
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08 Oct 2021, 9:45 pm

Sounds like a decent deal.

I would take it slow.



dtcyankee
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09 Oct 2021, 12:40 pm

Sweetleaf wrote:
Kind of seems like it is going well though. I suppose I am confused on what exactly you need advice for, sounds like you and her are connecting enough she wants to invite you into her life a bit more. If anything that is a good sign. So I suppose I am a little confused what you are worried about exactly.

You say you have at tough time taking it slow, do you mean you feel like you are rushing things or like you might go all in too early? Or do you feel like she is rushing things?

I like to overthink things and that drives my anxiety through the roof. Any time we are together in person it feels great and I just want to be with her all the time, but I know that’s not healthy for both of us. I think taking it slow is a good thing, I just don’t want to miss the moment and have someone else swoop in and take her.



dtcyankee
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10 Oct 2021, 11:53 am

My anxiety likes to take over and I get down and start feeling negative about everything with her. A lot of it is based on my past experiences with women.



dtcyankee
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10 Oct 2021, 5:54 pm

Don’t want to be too much for her and I don’t know how to take it slow. Not super experienced with relationships and that’s not helping at all right now.



AnonymousAnonymous
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10 Oct 2021, 6:09 pm

Take it slow.

Maybe talk to her about her past relationships if she is willing to do so with you.


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dtcyankee
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11 Oct 2021, 2:19 pm

AnonymousAnonymous wrote:
Take it slow.

Maybe talk to her about her past relationships if she is willing to do so with you.

How do I take it slow?



AnonymousAnonymous
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11 Oct 2021, 3:53 pm

dtcyankee wrote:
AnonymousAnonymous wrote:
Take it slow.

Maybe talk to her about her past relationships if she is willing to do so with you.

How do I take it slow?


Build a sense of trust between you and her.


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dtcyankee
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11 Oct 2021, 5:58 pm

AnonymousAnonymous wrote:
dtcyankee wrote:
AnonymousAnonymous wrote:
Take it slow.

Maybe talk to her about her past relationships if she is willing to do so with you.

How do I take it slow?


Build a sense of trust between you and her.

How do I do that?



timf
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12 Oct 2021, 5:21 am

How do I do that?

To take a casual or work relationship deeper, you may wish to think of a visual map of here. There will probably be many blank areas about which you have no information. In casual conversation, you can ask questions to fill in the missing information.

You can ask about pets she had as a child, what her grandparents are like, places she has traveled, what are her favorite movies or books, etc.

Slowly you begin to get a deeper picture of who she is as well as show your interest in her.



AquaineBay
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12 Oct 2021, 11:29 am

It's been 2 months and you guys dated 3 times. When she took you to her group event with you and her sister's friends at her place she was "showing you off" to her sister's friends. A woman that is doing that is sending signals that she likes you a lot. I would assume you guys have already got pass the "get to know you phase".

Have you guys broke the touch barrier yet? If not I would suggest doing it soon because she is already showing signs of being comfortable enough with you to bring you to her place and let you be around one of her family members, which is a big deal for women in general and especially shy women. If you don't do this soon then she may think that you aren't actually into her like that and put you in the "friend zone"(yes people this is a thing even women have admitted to it). My advice is to stop playing it safe and get some physical intimacy going, it doesn't have to be sex but, something at least. Holding hands, cuddling, if you're feeling pretty bold heck shoot for a kiss, but if you don't do something soon you might end up losing her through your own fears of messing things up.



dtcyankee
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12 Oct 2021, 1:51 pm

AquaineBay wrote:
It's been 2 months and you guys dated 3 times. When she took you to her group event with you and her sister's friends at her place she was "showing you off" to her sister's friends. A woman that is doing that is sending signals that she likes you a lot. I would assume you guys have already got pass the "get to know you phase".

Have you guys broke the touch barrier yet? If not I would suggest doing it soon because she is already showing signs of being comfortable enough with you to bring you to her place and let you be around one of her family members, which is a big deal for women in general and especially shy women. If you don't do this soon then she may think that you aren't actually into her like that and put you in the "friend zone"(yes people this is a thing even women have admitted to it). My advice is to stop playing it safe and get some physical intimacy going, it doesn't have to be sex but, something at least. Holding hands, cuddling, if you're feeling pretty bold heck shoot for a kiss, but if you don't do something soon you might end up losing her through your own fears of messing things up.

We broke the touch barrier pretty early in the first date. I wasn’t expecting to, but it just happened. Kissed, hugged and held hands on the first date. Made out several times since.



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13 Oct 2021, 9:28 am

Dtcyankee, what would you describe as taking it at a faster pace? What do you want to do to move things along now, but you feel it's too soon to do? What do you think you should be doing or not doing to slow the pace?

If we have an understanding of what you think should or shouldn't happen in terms of speed it might help.



dtcyankee
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13 Oct 2021, 2:11 pm

hurtloam wrote:
Dtcyankee, what would you describe as taking it at a faster pace? What do you want to do to move things along now, but you feel it's too soon to do? What do you think you should be doing or not doing to slow the pace?

If we have an understanding of what you think should or shouldn't happen in terms of speed it might help.

I really don’t know what I am doing. Don’t have a lot of experience, but my past experiences I feel like I have been too clingy and needy and I don’t want to do that here, but at the same time I don’t want to lose her.

I just found out today she is moving out of her parents house and into an apartment with two roommates. Not sure what to think about that.



dtcyankee
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14 Oct 2021, 1:59 pm

Must be nice when people actually reply to you