Looking for connection with older Aspies

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MarieB
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08 Nov 2021, 8:08 pm

I'm 69 years old, and I currently have two friends. One is the alcoholic lady across the street with early stage dementia, the other is an old friend from high school who lives 1,000 miles away. I went to therapy last month for my hot temper, that keeps me from having friends for more than a couple of years. She suggested the Autism Spectrum as a reason for my trouble with keeping friends and my emotional dysregulation. It all seems to line up.

I didn't hold a job for more than 9 months until I was 37 years old. I would either quit in a huff about some ethical issue where I was expected to lie about something, or I would be let go. Finally I made it my mission to stick with a job, and by sheer will power I lasted 2 years. The next job lasted 10 years! But everyone thought I was weird and would make fun of me behind my back.

I am married, and my husband has mental illness issues that put us at odds with each other a lot. We are still hanging in there, but it's tough since he retired and we are home together all the time. Supposedly I need a social support group to help me through the rough patches. I don't know what to do, so here I am just putting it all out there hoping it clicks with someone. 8O :oops: :cry:


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Mountain Goat
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08 Nov 2021, 8:13 pm

Welcome.



Double Retired
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08 Nov 2021, 8:24 pm

Welcome to WP! I hope this group works for you.

You will find an assortment of folk here and some will make more sense to you than others. If you find one thread gets irritating just wander over to a different conversation, there's no need to leave the planet. (I mention this because I think, in the past, some people have gotten into heated disagreements here and left WP rather than just leaving the conversation.)

Oh, that assortment of people does include a surprising number of us who are 60+ in age. :)

P.S. I notice that when you said your age it did not match what WP was displaying. Maybe you did it on purpose, or maybe WP and you are miscommunicating. When I first joined WP it took me weeks to figure out how to get it to display may age correctly. I hope you are using this format: 31-10-2021 (which is the date of the Halloween we just passed)


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Texasmoneyman300
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08 Nov 2021, 9:39 pm

MarieB wrote:
I'm 69 years old, and I currently have two friends. One is the alcoholic lady across the street with early stage dementia, the other is an old friend from high school who lives 1,000 miles away. I went to therapy last month for my hot temper, that keeps me from having friends for more than a couple of years. She suggested the Autism Spectrum as a reason for my trouble with keeping friends and my emotional dysregulation. It all seems to line up.

I didn't hold a job for more than 9 months until I was 37 years old. I would either quit in a huff about some ethical issue where I was expected to lie about something, or I would be let go. Finally I made it my mission to stick with a job, and by sheer will power I lasted 2 years. The next job lasted 10 years! But everyone thought I was weird and would make fun of me behind my back.

I am married, and my husband has mental illness issues that put us at odds with each other a lot. We are still hanging in there, but it's tough since he retired and we are home together all the time. Supposedly I need a social support group to help me through the rough patches. I don't know what to do, so here I am just putting it all out there hoping it clicks with someone. 8O :oops: :cry:

maybe you could try to make some friends with retired or senior college or university professors or join some scientific groups and maybe aspie support group because i think you could possibly find some friends that way.Or maybe stargaze or get into geology because i think there would at be a few aspies in those social settings.



CarlM
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08 Nov 2021, 10:43 pm

Hi and welcome to Wrong Planet :D

Yes, my emotional dysregulation can also look like a hot temper sometimes. It has rarely been a problem at work but more so in family relationships.


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IsabellaLinton
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08 Nov 2021, 10:46 pm

Hi and welcome!

I'll be your friend! :heart:



Ettina
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09 Nov 2021, 11:41 am

Double Retired wrote:
Welcome to WP! I hope this group works for you.

You will find an assortment of folk here and some will make more sense to you than others. If you find one thread gets irritating just wander over to a different conversation, there's no need to leave the planet. (I mention this because I think, in the past, some people have gotten into heated disagreements here and left WP rather than just leaving the conversation.)

Oh, that assortment of people does include a surprising number of us who are 60+ in age. :)

P.S. I notice that when you said your age it did not match what WP was displaying. Maybe you did it on purpose, or maybe WP and you are miscommunicating. When I first joined WP it took me weeks to figure out how to get it to display may age correctly. I hope you are using this format: 31-10-2021 (which is the date of the Halloween we just passed)


I was having the same problem as OP, and realized it's because the hint thing next to the date lies. It says mm-dd-yyyy, when it should say dd-mm-yyyy.



Ade C
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09 Nov 2021, 2:50 pm

Age is irrelevant as we're all freaks on here but I'm also 'older' and identify with a lot of what you describe.
Take a leaf out of your friend's book and become an alcoholic. It's kind of working for me at the moment!



Mona Pereth
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23 Nov 2021, 12:57 am

The Autism Society of Oregon has some support groups, mostly for parents of autistic kids, but also at least one support group for adults on the autism spectrum. (I haven't taken the time to explore the listing in detail.) Also you might want to look on Meetup.com for support or social groups for adults on the autism spectrum.


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old_comedywriter
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23 Nov 2021, 1:05 am

I'm 62 in Washington State, and I get what being older with Asperger's is like. There's a lot of having to accept the limitations and making the most of the advantages.


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Mona Pereth
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26 Nov 2021, 1:25 am

old_comedywriter wrote:
I'm 62 in Washington State, and I get what being older with Asperger's is like. There's a lot of having to accept the limitations and making the most of the advantages.

Since you live in Washington State, there might be a branch of Seattle Square Pegs near you (they have a few branches outside of Seattle itself, last I heard). Have you looked into them?


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Minuteman
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26 Nov 2021, 10:48 pm

Unfortunately, groups for Aspies 40+ are few and far between.



Mona Pereth
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27 Nov 2021, 2:47 pm

Minuteman wrote:
Unfortunately, groups for Aspies 40+ are few and far between.

If you live in an area where there is a group for autistic/Aspie adults (all ages 18+), I would suggest going to that. Such a group will likely attract at least a few older Aspies now and then.


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MBlokzyl
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03 Aug 2022, 8:01 pm

I am 50 and have been undiagnosed my whole life and have only recently come to terms with the fact that I’m autistic. I have problems with regulation and masking and poor communications.
I am on federal disability because I had cancer that was supposed to kill me but didn’t, but they gave me permanent disability because they were better I wasn’t going to make it. So in that respect it’s been nice. I worked at a hospital before as a respiratory therapist. Highly stressful, seems even more so now that I’m not doing it. I did just complete an AAS degree in cybersecurity. I am hoping to be able to work from home and/ or by myself for the majority of the time.
I am married and apart from my wife I have no meaningful friends. I am an ultramarathon runner so I am able to experience a nice and fulfilling feeling of camaraderie at races. But I don’t feel like I have time for friends either actual time or the emotional energy.



Minuteman
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03 Aug 2022, 8:45 pm

Mona Pereth wrote:
Minuteman wrote:
Unfortunately, groups for Aspies 40+ are few and far between.

If you live in an area where there is a group for autistic/Aspie adults (all ages 18+), I would suggest going to that. Such a group will likely attract at least a few older Aspies now and then.


Update: aane.org has a couple of groups geared to 50+. They meet once a month and they're pretty good.



Old Sad Sack
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07 Sep 2022, 12:12 am

MarieB wrote:
... I don't know what to do, so here I am just putting it all out there hoping it clicks with someone.


Yes, I share some similar life experiences.

I am a 65 year old computer programmer. I have fought this thing that shackles me for a lifetime. I have been ditch digger, hog hauler, restaurant manager, accounts collector, military electronic countermeasures technician, railroad tower operator, factory worker, hazardous materials driver, engineering student, salesman, landscaper, heavy equipment operator, construction crewman, route deliveryman, electronics franchise owner, religious radio DJ, male secretary, motorcycle stunt rider, business graduate and more. My current job is the 53rd. Fortunately, it has lasted more than 10 years and will hopefully see me through to retirement.

My wife is my third, there is nothing left there, and it's been gone a long, long time. I am the oddball Aspie that desperately craves the touch of affection and gets none. All is naught but discord or stony silence. I have four grown children whom I neglected because I was at my worst when they needed me most. There is some rebounding social amicability there now but I see them and my grandchildren rarely. I have no friends. A couple sort-of friends in the 1970's that I partied with. None since.

I have been in these throes since the six year old me discovered he could not fathom what the other children were doing on the playground or how to participate. The ten year old me that ran and hid from a birthday party my mother tried to hold for me was certain that day that some hermitage was the inevitable outcome.

There was a part of me that wanted to be immersed with people, that always tried to be outgoing and adventuresome. Now, I'm just tired, living with chronic pain and health issues, and my only hopes are to live with as little stress and pain as possible.

It's not all so bad as what it is in the wee hours. I enjoy the challenge of a good programming puzzle. There was one special doggie that I shared a strong bond of affection with that died seven years ago and ripped my heart out. I have two doggies now that give me affection and some semblance of physical connection with another creature.

In the end, I have lived the live I was given as best as I was able, and I know from the news that many, many people have suffered far more than I. So I persevere. As difficult as this life is, it's the only one I have and its travails will pass in their own time.