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nick007
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26 Apr 2022, 11:21 am

I only really self-harmed 1ce in my life. I fell into a psychotic depression when I was 20 over my 1st relationship falling apart. After we broke up I saw her bragging online about how she drank so much that she had to go to the ER & I flipped out & slashed my upper left arm 9x with a construction grade box-cutter blade. It was like my mind was outside of my body while my body did it. I had to go to the ER cuz it was after hours for my GP doc office. I started taking psych meds after that. The scars look nasty but in some ways I almost kinda em these days. That was definitely the lowest point in my life & I tried working on myself in various ways since then & in some ways I've made lots of progress. The scars are a painful reminder from my past of why I need to try & keep my mental state in check & why I need to try my best to make my current relationship work & be supportive of her. My scars are kinda like a tattoo an alcoholic gets when they are very drunk. They wake up after & feel disgusted with themselves & realize they need to give up the booze & their tattoo becomes their reminder of why they need to keep going to the meetings & avoiding bars & such. I hated the person I was then & that is not who I am now, at least NOT who I want to be. I majorly failed my 1st girlfriend & I'll never forgive myself. The best I can realistically do is to try & learn what I can from the experience which I have & now I need to keep applying that knowledge so I can do better in my current relationship & do better for myself. My current girlfriend actually likes those scars but she has various mental issues herself thou never cutting. I try my best to be supportive of her & she thinks I'm doing a good job even if I feel like I'm failing sometimes(or lots of times)


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ASPartOfMe
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26 Apr 2022, 5:13 pm

Good for you these days.


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DSM 5: Autism Spectrum Disorder, DSM IV: Aspergers Moderate Severity

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kraftiekortie
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27 Apr 2022, 7:47 am

Last night, I smacked myself in the head a few times because I missed my stop on the subway, and delayed my arriving home by about 15 minutes.

Probably too much of an extreme reaction....



Basement
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09 Jun 2022, 1:12 pm

It was part of my life in college, and how I ultimately got diagnosed. I was lucky the psychologist I went to was knowledgeable. I haven't done it since 2005.

I think what people, and I would include some professionals in this, don't understand is that it's a feeling before the act of self-harm. Often the emphasis is on the release or relief.

I was recommended bio oil for scars. Only my GP has seen all of my scars.


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DogOfJudah
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01 Aug 2022, 12:44 pm

I used to all the time (early/ mid teens), but it garnered more attention than I wanted.

I wasn't doing it for attention, I was doing it to drown out the SPD aspects of my life.

Fortunately I now have alcohol :D though sometimes I get a craving like "Go on, remember how amazing it felt" sort of like smoking i suppose.



DuckHairback
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11 Sep 2022, 10:29 am

I once put a cigarette out on the back of my hand and held it there as long as I could stand. It really hurt and I have the scar to this day. I don't really remember what mental state lead me to do this, I haven't self-harmed since. That was over 20 years ago.

However recently I've been aware of a desire to be hurt. Like it would be a massive relief if someone just kicked the living s**t out of me. I don't know what that's about.



DuckHairback
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11 Sep 2022, 10:31 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
Last night, I smacked myself in the head a few times because I missed my stop on the subway, and delayed my arriving home by about 15 minutes.

Probably too much of an extreme reaction....


My daughter does this when she's angry with herself. For example if we need to leave the house and she's having sensory issues which are preventing her getting her socks on or something. I find it really disturbing.



klanka
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11 Sep 2022, 12:22 pm

I've never self harmed due to stress etc.
I usually start talking like Hudson out of aliens, when he is doing his game over speech