Page 1 of 1 [ 11 posts ] 

steve30
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 16 Feb 2007
Age: 31
Gender: Male
Posts: 373
Location: Rotherham

15 Feb 2022, 3:52 pm

I was wondering if anyone could give me any tips on how to cope with living with family.

I have lived with my mother since we moved in here in 2005. I do not have enough money to get my own house (and it seems most people won't rent to anyone on benefits). I've just about got away with this as my Mum worked full time and thus I can get my laundry, housework, cooking, bicycle maintenance, etc done during the day. But she went part time last year and has fully retired this year. Its amazing how much I relied on someone else's routine for my day to day life.

Anyway, I'm now basically stuck with her full time. I don't have a job to go to myself (and haven't worked in years due to AS & depression), and don't really have any friends to go and see, and generally speaking, very little to go out for. I did finally start going to the gym last year, but even that might mean I am only out for 3 hours twice a week.

I am confined to this bedroom with nothing to do but read webpages and chat on IRC. My bikes are knackered and in need of a lot of repair but I can't get into the garage to do anything, and even if I can get in there, I can't concentrate on what i'm doing. I struggle to cook decent meals due to depression but its pot luck as to whether the kitchen will be accessible anyway.

I have been in this situation before when my Mum has been out of work, and whilst it wasn't ideal, I was successfully treating my depression with medication at the time, which helped with a lot of 'functioning'. I stopped taking medication a year ago due to lack of medical services in my country, and my depression symptoms have been far worse lately.

Anyone got any ideas? I think I really need to find things to do, away from the house, for as many hours as possible. I suppose ideally I'd get a job, but we all know how those work out for people with AS.

Thanks.
steve30.



kraftiekortie
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 Feb 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 86,986
Location: Queens, NYC

15 Feb 2022, 4:33 pm

Many people with AS work successfully.

How about becoming a bicycle repairer? I know people rely very much on their bikes in the Netherlands.



Joe90
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 23 Feb 2010
Gender: Female
Posts: 24,897
Location: UK

15 Feb 2022, 8:48 pm

Work can be daunting to some people with AS and depression. Looking for work can be even more daunting, and when you have these disorders holding you back it is important to have a job that suits you and your needs, not just the first job that comes along.

I can't really think of any advice but I can empathise with you. When I lived with my family I was a nightmare to live with because of my ADHD and misophonia (I got easily agitated by sounds of normal activity that I heard from my bedroom, and having ADHD made me home in on the little noises and caused me to fly up in a rage). But I know this isn't the issue you're struggling with.


_________________
Female
Aged 32

Diagnosed with ADHD
Have RSD (Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria)
Have Anxiety Disorder
Diagnosed with mild ASD but I don't identify as autistic


Last edited by Joe90 on 16 Feb 2022, 12:37 am, edited 1 time in total.

Dear_one
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Feb 2008
Age: 74
Gender: Male
Posts: 5,644
Location: Where the Great Plains meet the Northern Pines

15 Feb 2022, 9:39 pm

If you can't ride a bike, you can walk instead. Any kind of fresh air and exercise is good for depression. Maybe find a project, like improving a trail or picking up trash. On the bike, don't go there to fix it; go there to do one thing that counts as progress. Then, visit to do two things, and so on as your ability increases.



jimmy m
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 30 Jun 2018
Age: 74
Gender: Male
Posts: 7,668
Location: Indiana

16 Feb 2022, 7:54 pm

Anyone got any ideas? I think I really need to find things to do, away from the house, for as many hours as possible. I suppose ideally I'd get a job, but we all know how those work out for people with AS.

This sounds like a good idea. You might even try volunteer work.

Some day your mother may not be around to help you. When that day comes, what will you do? The more skills you learn, the better your options will be.


_________________
Author of Practical Preparations for a Coronavirus Pandemic.
A very unique plan. As Dr. Paul Thompson wrote, "This is the very best paper on the virus I have ever seen."


Fireblossom
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 18 Jan 2017
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,492

17 Feb 2022, 10:15 am

Ideally you'd get a job indeed. It's hard for pretty much everyone these days, for people with AS or some disability or two even more so, but it's possible. You're in a good position in the sense that since you live with your mom, you apparently don't need a job that would cover all the living expenses right now, so you could start with a low paying part time job. Those are a lot easier to get than full time jobs, too.

...But if working feels like too big of a change at the moment, how about spending time at a local library? Are there any at a reasonable distance?



shortfatbalduglyman
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 4 Mar 2017
Age: 39
Gender: Male
Posts: 9,001

17 Feb 2022, 10:25 am

Telecommuting job

Day labor center

You could hang posters advertising your services. Example:. Yard work, babysitting. Anything you know how to do that someone will pay you for



AnonymousAnonymous
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 23 Nov 2006
Age: 33
Gender: Male
Posts: 66,138
Location: Portland, Oregon

17 Feb 2022, 8:41 pm

Have you considered contacting an employment firm in your area
that may help people on the spectrum find work?


_________________
Silly NTs, I have Aspergers, and having Aspergers is gr-r-reat!


steve30
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 16 Feb 2007
Age: 31
Gender: Male
Posts: 373
Location: Rotherham

25 Feb 2022, 9:23 am

Joe90 wrote:
Work can be daunting to some people with AS and depression. Looking for work can be even more daunting, and when you have these disorders holding you back it is important to have a job that suits you and your needs, not just the first job that comes along.

I can't really think of any advice but I can empathise with you. When I lived with my family I was a nightmare to live with because of my ADHD and misophonia (I got easily agitated by sounds of normal activity that I heard from my bedroom, and having ADHD made me home in on the little noises and caused me to fly up in a rage). But I know this isn't the issue you're struggling with.


I'm hoping I may find a job eventually, but after being unemployed for so long and having health problems, I'm not sure I'd manage.

I'm trying to get out and about when I can but I can only get out for an hour or two at a time as there is so little to do on a regular basis other than go to the gym. I do like calling at a coffee shop, but that can get expensive quickly and sitting there on my own only reinforces my loneliness. But then I dread coming home.



Spunge42
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

Joined: 2 Feb 2020
Gender: Female
Posts: 379
Location: Texas

25 Feb 2022, 10:00 pm

You could try volunteering. Pick different places and see what you like. I used to enjoy going to an hospice home for elderly. Many of the people don't have family visit and just want someone to chat with, or play card games with or need someone to read to them.

If you like animals, you can get a dog or cat. I never feel lonely when I'm with my dog. If you get a medium to big dog you can go hiking with them and camping which can be very relaxing and therapeutic. If its a calm dog you can train em to be a therapy dog to take to elderly homes or children's hospitals. It's really rewarding and easy to make friend's. And you don't have to have a set schedule. So you go when you have a good day and stay home when your not.


_________________
In my darkest hour I reached for a hand and found a paw.

"I sat with my anger long enough, until she told me her real name was grief."


steve30
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 16 Feb 2007
Age: 31
Gender: Male
Posts: 373
Location: Rotherham

02 Dec 2022, 7:18 am

I can't cope with this any more.

I had two months when I was banished from the bathroom due to a foul smelling "air freshener", and had to have my showers at the gym, and dreaded going to the toilet (and I go to the toilet a lot).

I have a problem with a pervert who comes to my upstairs window with ladders including when I have no clothes on. I haven't had my curtains open all year and have become very sensitive to sunlight because of it. I was doing some much needed bike repair last month when my Mum was on holiday. I managed to get myself calm and relaxed enough to do the job, and made a good start; then I came in for some toast, and who should turn up, but Mr Peeping Tom. I barricaded the door for my own safety (no one came in), but the house and garage were both unlocked, with lights on, music playing and washing out, so it was obvious there was someone here. He came earlier on today and was chatting to my Mum so it must be something of her doing.

I've had people banging on the door multiple times a day everyday while she's been on holiday (her holidays are usually my peace-and-quiet time).

I cannot keep any frozen food in the house and have to keep my tinned and dried stuff in the bedroom, due to her stockpiling for when the "New World Order" takes over and creates shortages. Some of my fresh food mysteriously disappears, sometimes within hours of me buying it. I no longer eat well and very quickly run out of food as I don't make it to the shops very often due to stress & tiredness. I have become overly reliant on local takeaways which are too expensive for me to have regularly.

I limit doing laundry to when she goes on holiday to avoid things going missing.

I am in a constant state of anxiety. It exhausts me, and I struggle to do anything. I finally got a YouTube video done this morning (before Mr Pervert turned up). That had been on the to do list for over a month as I cannot concentrate on anything. I managed a couple of successful trips to the gym this week but often I'm too tired to do anything there, or just feel like I'm about to burst into tears.

I was about ready for bed until Mr Pervert turned up. Well, I expect I'll load up on sleeping pills and barricade the door.