Dealing with the death of someone close

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Biscuitman
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08 Mar 2022, 2:24 pm

he died last Tuesday, around 4 hours after my last post up there^



SharonB
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09 Mar 2022, 7:17 am

Condolences.

In the spirit of your post, how are you dealing with it?

The stages of grief, if one considers that paradigm, are not linear.



kraftiekortie
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09 Mar 2022, 7:23 am

I send my condolences.

Don’t let anyone judge you on how you grieve.



Biscuitman
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10 Mar 2022, 5:19 am

SharonB wrote:
Condolences.

In the spirit of your post, how are you dealing with it?

The stages of grief, if one considers that paradigm, are not linear.


I feel absolutely fine about it tbh. Not been emotional at all over it, just accepted it for what it was. I feel sorry for my dad as I think during the last 3 weeks where he at times regained consciousness, he had a pretty good idea what was happening, and that must have been horrible. I also wonder where he is, as existing one day and not existing the next day seems an odd thing to happen to someone. There was also a moment 2 days after he died where my mums neighbours were elivery flowers and cards to her and I thought it felt very unfair that he did not know about that and had no part in it. As odd as that may sound.

Mainly I just want everyone to act like it hasn't happened as I am very uncomfortable having to adapt to change like this. I usually see my family only when they are not being serious and are joking about things. Now I am seeing them what they are not so happy (though are still true to form and making jokes about it) and I feel uncomfortable with that.

I want to say to them 'can we all just carry on like we did before this happened as I preferred that?'



SharonB
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10 Mar 2022, 6:25 pm

Ah, yes, I relate to that. My (ASD) mom copes similarly to the way you do. I do to some degree, but not entirely. When we had a house fire, I did my math homework. Yesterday when a close family member went into the hospital, I did a long-overdue repair. In my case, I am "ok" with the immediate loss, but the past losses do resonate strongly. Now nearing 80, my mom is starting to let herself feel more. Those darn hypersensitive mirror neurons, et al.



King Kat 1
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10 Mar 2022, 8:05 pm

Yeah, I kinda deal with death as "It is what it is" , I mean don't get me wrong it can be pretty upsetting for sure but what can I do? When my Grandma died in late 2003, I was honestly just relieved it was over. She went into the hospital around late November and it was a rollercoaster. It seemed like things were looking up one day and the next it wasn't. She died Dec 27, 2003 at 89.

Nearly 2 years later, my Grandpa died in November of 2005. I was a bit more upset about that but again it was one of those, "What can I do?" kinda things. I know this makes me a selfish piece of s--t, but the funeral was almost the worse part, being shoved in front of people I had not seen since I was a little kid(I was 25 at the time) and having to see some of my mothers side of the family, ugh... . To top it off, it was a Catholic funeral, The catholic church is like oil and water for me.


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SharonB
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11 Mar 2022, 12:12 am

Oh, that reminds me --- my aunt's funeral was Catholic and in the middle of the funeral my (ASD) mom took a symbolic action literally. My mom laughed out loud and then started a giggling fit with her (ASD) granddaughter - in a completely silent room with near 100 people in the middle of a funeral. I could very much relate to and appreciate her perspective, but since apparently I am the more NT-sensitive of the group, I gently asked if she wanted to take a moment outside. Then soon thereafter **I** had to run from the room ---- I'm so sensitive that something during the ritual caused a coughing fit. You just can't take us anywhere. :P ----- what's interesting is that we laugh at funerals but we also cry at weddings. I think NTs avoid mixing feelings. A person is "supposed" to be sad at funerals and happy at weddings. Ridiculous. Laughable, or cryable. :wink: