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Minuteman
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11 Mar 2022, 10:47 am

All my life I've unconsciously avoided calling people by their names, not only verbally but in emails. I understand that using people's names makes conversations more personal but for some reason I have to consciously try to do it. Anyone know if this is an ASD trait, or is it just a mental block on my part?



Trueno
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11 Mar 2022, 10:55 am

I don’t think I’ve ever called anyone by name in my entire life. I’ve even had comments about it… some think it shows lack of friendliness and warmth.


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11 Mar 2022, 11:23 am

I don't know if it's an ASD thing, but I'm like that too. I won't call someone by their name unless I absolutely have to. It feels really wrong to me, weird, like it's inappropriate or something. Just no.



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11 Mar 2022, 12:02 pm

I hate doing this. I always got dinged points from my call evaluations when I worked in a call centre for this exact issue.


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11 Mar 2022, 1:34 pm

When someone calls me by name, they act like they are familiar to me, but they are not familiar to me

For 17 months I have been working at a hardware store and wearing an apron with my name on it

Thus far only one customer has ever called me by name

It gets on my nerves hearing someone mispronounce my name, so not calling me by name, has to be a sufficient alternative

My name is not a common one, and almost everyone in the building (and outside building) mispronounces it.

Only Teresa, donita, tom, and layda have ever asked how to pronounce it. Out of the entire building


Sometimes there is a justified reason why they just "have" to pronounce my name. Like if it's crowded. But 90 percent of the time, that is neither justified nor necessary

Mispronouncing a name seems like a microaggression, macro aggression, or annoyance. But not racist or discrimination.

However my slave plantation keeps talking about how much it values "diversity", but they don't even pronounce your name correctly. They have their own "in" groups


Even after I tell someone how to pronounce my name, they keep mispronouncing it

Or, when they correctly or wrongly, think you did something wrong, they purposely mispronounce your name

Passive aggressively



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11 Mar 2022, 1:52 pm

Some people's names I call but some I avoid for some reason. I say my boyfriend's name a lot, and my family's.

I sometimes feel awkward calling people by their names. I always think it feels like I'm ordering or something, I don't know. But everyone uses each other's names all the time so it should be OK.


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Steve1963
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11 Mar 2022, 1:53 pm

I don't even call my wife by her name. I always wondered if that was an ASD thing or not as well.



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11 Mar 2022, 4:35 pm

I think it can relate to ASD. We tend to be direct and use language in a functional, purposeful way. I would naturally approach someone with a question or request, rather than say their name. I just push myself a little to at work.

That said, if I like someone then I enjoy saying their name. Always hated nicknames and pet names, though.



babybird
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13 Mar 2022, 10:29 am

Minuteman wrote:
All my life I've unconsciously avoided calling people by their names, not only verbally but in emails. I understand that using people's names makes conversations more personal but for some reason I have to consciously try to do it. Anyone know if this is an ASD trait, or is it just a mental block on my part?


Yeah I don't always feel comfortable using people's name either. It's not so bad these days as it was when I was younger.



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13 Mar 2022, 11:02 am

until a few years ago, that was me as well, yet another dysfunctional bullet point to add to my dx.



babybird
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13 Mar 2022, 11:09 am

Maybe it's a social awkwardness thing



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13 Mar 2022, 11:21 am

i don't know if there have been studies about this but my short term memory often has me forgetting people's names just as soon as i hear them.



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13 Mar 2022, 11:26 am

Oh I do that as well. I also can never remember people's names from TV shows that I've watched for years.

I can't remember faces either.



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13 Mar 2022, 11:28 am

i suspect that the facial recognition module in the brain also influences our ability to remember the names associated with faces, so if you can't remember faces, chances are very good that names also will suffer.



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13 Mar 2022, 11:46 am

Thats one of those new years resolutions that I never fulfill. Addressing folks by their names. Can never remember what name goes with which face...including those of folks who greet me by name all of the time. I cant respond in kind, and makes me feel kinda guilty.



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13 Mar 2022, 11:48 am

naturalplastic wrote:
Thats one of those new years resolutions that I never fulfill. Addressing folks by their names. Can never remember what name goes with which face...including those of folks who greet me by name all of the time. I cant respond in kind, and makes me feel kinda guilty.

do you have trouble recognizing people if you see them out from their normal workaday dress?