For Those Of You That Cant Find A Partner, Why?

Page 1 of 1 [ 11 posts ] 


Why Do You Think You Can't Find A Partner? (Check All That Apply)
I'm already in a relationship 4%  4%  [ 4 ]
I don't struggle with finding partners 1%  1%  [ 1 ]
Because I want to be single 3%  3%  [ 3 ]
I'm too shy/quiet/socially awkward 11%  11%  [ 11 ]
My social skills are poor 9%  9%  [ 9 ]
My personality makes it harder to find someone 11%  11%  [ 11 ]
I rarely/never ask anybody out 10%  10%  [ 10 ]
I don't know where to meet people 9%  9%  [ 9 ]
I don't have much time for dating 1%  1%  [ 1 ]
I am picky/have high standards 4%  4%  [ 4 ]
I am physically unattractive 4%  4%  [ 4 ]
I'm too short 3%  3%  [ 3 ]
I'm too fat 2%  2%  [ 2 ]
I am broke and/or unemployed 5%  5%  [ 5 ]
My disability gives me a disadvantage in dating 7%  7%  [ 7 ]
Getting rejected makes it hard to put myself out there again 6%  6%  [ 6 ]
Something else not listed 5%  5%  [ 5 ]
Just show me the results 2%  2%  [ 2 ]
Total votes : 97

Muse933277
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 13 Mar 2020
Gender: Male
Posts: 505

25 Mar 2022, 2:13 pm

For those of you that struggle with finding a romantic partner, why do you think that is? What is preventing you from finding a partner that you want to date?



Muse933277
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 13 Mar 2020
Gender: Male
Posts: 505

27 Mar 2022, 10:37 pm

why?



Dillogic
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 24 Nov 2011
Gender: Male
Posts: 9,157

28 Mar 2022, 4:14 am

Unrequited here for quite some time. My fault there. (No, I won't talk about it.)



Summer_Twilight
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 13 Sep 2011
Age: 40
Gender: Female
Posts: 4,483

28 Mar 2022, 7:38 am

I waited for 25 years and so I know what it’s like. I think part of the whole dating scene is helping people on the spectrum know how dating works in addition to maturity.



Muse933277
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 13 Mar 2020
Gender: Male
Posts: 505

28 Mar 2022, 10:57 am

For me, it's a combination of different things.

Physically, i'm very short (5 ft 3) and not that heavy (115 pounds) so this is likely a deal-breaker for a sizeable chunk of women, since the majority of women in my country are bigger and taller than I am. Attractiveness wise, I'm probably a 4 or 5. I'm not the ugliest guy you've ever met but I certainly don't benefit from being good looking either.

Personality wise, I am quiet, introverted, don't take a lot of risks, and I don't take rejection very well so if I get rejected, it crushes my self esteem. Although my intelligence is normal, I have below average social skills and below average social intelligence. If the average social intelligence or SQ score is 100, then my score would probably be 80, a large part of that is due to my autism.



So in a nutshell, I am short and physically unremarkable without the needed personality or social intelligence to compensate for my physical disadvantages.



Tim_Tex
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Jul 2004
Age: 42
Gender: Male
Posts: 43,738
Location: Abbottistan

28 Mar 2022, 11:04 am

Nobody here has the same interests.

I am trying to relocate from Houston to Seattle (after being priced out of NYC and the SF Bay Area) for the primary purpose of meeting people with the same interests (animated sitcoms).

Also, because I am tired of hearing that all-too-common-in-Texas relationship-killing phrase: "I refuse to have sex until I am married"


_________________
AOC 2024!


Summer_Twilight
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 13 Sep 2011
Age: 40
Gender: Female
Posts: 4,483

28 Mar 2022, 11:48 am

Before my boyfriend and I started dating, some of the reasons why I could not find anyone. I am very outspoken, independent, self-determined, and I keep my hair short. I also don't go to any of the obvious places like meet ups that often. Rather, I have done what I feel like.



sebqui03
Emu Egg
Emu Egg

Joined: 31 Mar 2022
Age: 16
Gender: Male
Posts: 2

31 Mar 2022, 12:05 pm

Idk, really. I don't have a hard time finding myself with a relationship, but I have a hard time maintaining one. I've been in about 6 relationships within the last year, and every single one lasted between a week or two. It's because, I think, around the 2 week mark there are a lot of serious things, and I get scared that the person will leave me based on my answer, so in reaction to this thought, I leave instead. It makes me look like a d**k, but I don't mean it. My last relationship, she really really needed me, she has PTSD from her Mom's ex beating her and stuff, and I just threw it all away for what, safe cover? She was my safety, as I was hers. It actually happened twice with her, two relationships, a month apart. I just need help, I guess, idk.



Mona Pereth
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 11 Sep 2018
Age: 63
Gender: Female
Posts: 5,310
Location: New York City (Queens)

31 Mar 2022, 2:08 pm

sebqui03 wrote:
Idk, really. I don't have a hard time finding myself with a relationship, but I have a hard time maintaining one. I've been in about 6 relationships within the last year, and every single one lasted between a week or two. It's because, I think, around the 2 week mark there are a lot of serious things, and I get scared that the person will leave me based on my answer, so in reaction to this thought, I leave instead. It makes me look like a d**k, but I don't mean it. My last relationship, she really really needed me, she has PTSD from her Mom's ex beating her and stuff, and I just threw it all away for what, safe cover? She was my safety, as I was hers. It actually happened twice with her, two relationships, a month apart. I just need help, I guess, idk.

How did these relationships begin? For example, did you originally meet through a dating app, or were you introduced by a mutual acquaintance, or did you meet at some group you both belong to, or at school, work, etc.?

If you met through a dating app, do you think you might have felt less insecure if you had met some other way that allowed you to get to know each other before the "relationship" started?


_________________
- Autistic in NYC - Resources and new ideas for the autistic adult community in the New York City metro area.
- Autistic peer-led groups (via text-based chat, currently) led or facilitated by members of the Autistic Peer Leadership Group.
- My Twitter (new as of 2021)


Muse933277
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 13 Mar 2020
Gender: Male
Posts: 505

31 Mar 2022, 4:15 pm

sebqui03 wrote:
Idk, really. I don't have a hard time finding myself with a relationship, but I have a hard time maintaining one. I've been in about 6 relationships within the last year, and every single one lasted between a week or two. It's because, I think, around the 2 week mark there are a lot of serious things, and I get scared that the person will leave me based on my answer, so in reaction to this thought, I leave instead. It makes me look like a d**k, but I don't mean it. My last relationship, she really really needed me, she has PTSD from her Mom's ex beating her and stuff, and I just threw it all away for what, safe cover? She was my safety, as I was hers. It actually happened twice with her, two relationships, a month apart. I just need help, I guess, idk.



If you're able to get relationships fairly quickly, you must be pretty good looking. If you were ugly, I doubt you'd have the success that you do now; you'd just get rejected almost every time.

You just may lack the maturity and emotional maturity to keep a relationship going which to be honest, is pretty typical for a teenager.


So basically, your looks get you in the door but your lack of maturity ultimately causes most of your relationships to fall apart very quickly.



auntblabby
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 12 Feb 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 110,002
Location: the island of defective toy santas

31 Mar 2022, 5:00 pm

for me, 2 words explain it pretty well: "uncanny valley."