Unable to cope with stress and keep snapping at people.

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lnx64
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31 Mar 2022, 8:17 pm

I want to first start by saying that I am diagnosed with aspergers, and have since I was a child. To this day I still suffer from handling social skills and honestly being lazy. I didn't have the best parental role models and have unfortunately become a little too much like my father, and it's been far too hard to break because of how much it's made me comfortable and almost like a safe spot.

Lately it's gotten worse, I talk to people ways I shouldn't, I say things I don't mean just because I'm stressed and take it out on someone who doesn't deserve it, I have anger issues (this is something I have finally started getting ahold of but still need work). When I get this way I also get lazy and simple tasks around the house don't get done or I worse, don't shower.

I'm starting to realize that I really need help with this and don't know what to do. I've far outdone my apologies to people at this point and I've now realized how bad it's gotten. I don't want to be this person, but I have been this person. Where can I start to try and work on handling these things? I want to start trying to meditate daily and also try again to get off the computer more (this is something else I struggle a lot with).



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01 Apr 2022, 12:01 am

I used to be like this but not any more. I think I was suffering with mental health problems back then, I was angry and impatient and look it out on the people I loved the most. My mood would fluctuate and I would act very much like "Kevin The Teenager" from that Harry Enfield thing, even though I was in my 20s.

As I've gotten older I've managed to be able to stable my mood and be more relaxed, and to appreciate those I love more. But it's hard to bring yourself to change like that. What did it for me was lifestyle changes (getting a boyfriend, moving out, finding a job I liked, etc).

It doesn't make you a bad person or anything. But it can make you feel guilty for your actions, and stress people out around you. Luckily my family understood me so were more forgiving. But I still stressed them out, but I couldn't help it.


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01 Apr 2022, 5:47 am

Joe90 wrote:
I used to be like this but not any more. I think I was suffering with mental health problems back then, I was angry and impatient and look it out on the people I loved the most. My mood would fluctuate and I would act very much like "Kevin The Teenager" from that Harry Enfield thing, even though I was in my 20s.

As I've gotten older I've managed to be able to stable my mood and be more relaxed, and to appreciate those I love more. But it's hard to bring yourself to change like that. What did it for me was lifestyle changes (getting a boyfriend, moving out, finding a job I liked, etc).

I notice that you mention in your signature line that you are "On antidepressants." Did the antidepressants also help you control your temper? Extreme irritability can be a symptom of depression.

My boyfriend takes Prozac, which definitely makes him less irritable than he would be otherwise.


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lnx64
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01 Apr 2022, 12:21 pm

My doctor gave me Prozac at first, but it was horrible for me. Lexapro is what I'm on now, and I'm on the fence if it's doing anything or not, other than giving me muscle tremors.



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01 Apr 2022, 5:38 pm

Quote:
I notice that you mention in your signature line that you are "On antidepressants." Did the antidepressants also help you control your temper? Extreme irritability can be a symptom of depression


Yeah I suppose it might be. It's why I'm scared to come off the antidepressants in case I might start sinking back into my old ways and become impossible to live with again. I still have my moments of course but nowhere near as bad, as I'm more of a pleasure to be around instead of the bad-tempered b***h I used to be.
Also back then I was deliberately awkward. My mood swings made me despise family coming round or hearing any noises from outside my bedroom. I wasn't like it as a child or adolescent. I just became like it when I reached about age 19. I was like Hitler, trying to rule the household. It was like a phase I was going through, which either ended with maturity or because of the antidepressants, or even both.


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02 Apr 2022, 11:28 pm

Thought this was written by me. I didn't have this sort of anger until recently. It is like years of taking people's aggression and misunderstandings are taking their toll, so sometimes I have snaps of extreme anger at a moment's notice. I'd like help stopping them, but it is difficult when you cannot run away from conflicts and can't see the spike of anger coming.



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03 Apr 2022, 2:40 pm

PenPen wrote:
I didn't have this sort of anger until recently. It is like years of taking people's aggression and misunderstandings are taking their toll, so sometimes I have snaps of extreme anger at a moment's notice.

Are these "snaps of extreme anger" just momentary outbursts, or the kind of anger that then clings to you and gets you stuck in angry thought-loops?

I'm also wondering: Are you now in a situation where you are more often startled than in the past, or where your concentration is more often being abruptly broken, or where people are more often telling you too many different things all at once? (These kinds of situations make me irritable, but only in a momentary-outburst kind of way.)


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03 Apr 2022, 2:52 pm

lnx64 wrote:
My doctor gave me Prozac at first, but it was horrible for me. Lexapro is what I'm on now, and I'm on the fence if it's doing anything or not, other than giving me muscle tremors.

Yikes! Giving you muscle tremors doesn't sound good.

What did Prozac do to you?

The effects of anti-depressants, when they do work, can be subtle.

For example, Prozac doesn't lift my boyfriend's mood directly. Instead it makes him less irritable and makes it easier for him to avoid getting stuck in negative thought loops. So it seems to work by making it easier for him to change his attitudes and behavior. It makes it easier for him to focus on his work, and also makes it easier for him to get along with other people (including me), thereby giving him less to be depressed about.

I don't know whether and to what extent the above is typical of the effects of Prozac on people for whom it works well. Autistic people generally are more likely than most people to have unusual reactions to medication, in any case.

Anyhow, I'm wondering if perhaps your (and your psychiatrists') aim with anti-depressants has been lift your mood directly, rather than just by making it easier for you to change your attitudes and behavior in ways that substantially improve your life? If your measure of success is a direct and immediate effect on your mood, then I'm wondering if perhaps this aim might have resulted in too-high dosages, with resulting bad side-effects?

In short, I'm wondering whether either of the two anti-depressants you mentioned above might perhaps be better for you at a lower dose?

Of course, that's between you and your psychiatrist. I'm certainly no expert on this matter.


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PenPen
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03 Apr 2022, 8:00 pm

Mona Pereth wrote:
Are these "snaps of extreme anger" just momentary outbursts, or the kind of anger that then clings to you and gets you stuck in angry thought-loops?

I'm also wondering: Are you now in a situation where you are more often startled than in the past, or where your concentration is more often being abruptly broken, or where people are more often telling you too many different things all at once? (These kinds of situations make me irritable, but only in a momentary-outburst kind of way.)


I've experienced both types. Its less a result of overstimulation and more the feeling of being humiliated because I can't do things properly. When instead of saying "PenPen, let me show you how to do the dishes", they say "PenPen. You didn't do the dishes right. Do you know what you're doing? You also didn't sweep the floors properly. Do you understand?" It makes me feel frustrated because I'm not trying to get things wrong, but from how they say things/tone of voice, it feels like I'm incriminated because I'm incompetent. I think I have reactive parents, so when I do something bad, they treat me bad, and if I try to act better, they're still disappointed to my initial failure.

My new plan of action is to reframe it as not doing the chores for my parents sake, but to get better at doing chores. Better than going grey rock, cause pestering quickly chisels through my defenses.



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04 Apr 2022, 1:03 am

i had to age out of my hot-tempered-ness, which the frontal lobe stimulants made worse [except for strattera, which had a decided cooling/calming effect on me]. i hope the OP can find something like that to help him.



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07 Apr 2022, 11:20 am

PenPen wrote:
Mona Pereth wrote:
Are these "snaps of extreme anger" just momentary outbursts, or the kind of anger that then clings to you and gets you stuck in angry thought-loops?

I'm also wondering: Are you now in a situation where you are more often startled than in the past, or where your concentration is more often being abruptly broken, or where people are more often telling you too many different things all at once? (These kinds of situations make me irritable, but only in a momentary-outburst kind of way.)


I've experienced both types. Its less a result of overstimulation and more the feeling of being humiliated because I can't do things properly. When instead of saying "PenPen, let me show you how to do the dishes", they say "PenPen. You didn't do the dishes right. Do you know what you're doing? You also didn't sweep the floors properly. Do you understand?" It makes me feel frustrated because I'm not trying to get things wrong, but from how they say things/tone of voice, it feels like I'm incriminated because I'm incompetent. I think I have reactive parents, so when I do something bad, they treat me bad, and if I try to act better, they're still disappointed to my initial failure.

My new plan of action is to reframe it as not doing the chores for my parents sake, but to get better at doing chores. Better than going grey rock, cause pestering quickly chisels through my defenses.

I'm exactly the same way. I hate when my mom says "if you're going to do something, do it right the first time!" :P Image



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18 Apr 2022, 8:58 am

It sounds like finding a good counselor who is expertise in managing emotions and stress. Narrative based therapy can really help



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19 Apr 2022, 2:42 pm

lnx64 wrote:
I want to first start by saying that I am diagnosed with aspergers, and have since I was a child. To this day I still suffer from handling social skills and honestly being lazy. I didn't have the best parental role models and have unfortunately become a little too much like my father, and it's been far too hard to break because of how much it's made me comfortable and almost like a safe spot.

Lately it's gotten worse, I talk to people ways I shouldn't, I say things I don't mean just because I'm stressed and take it out on someone who doesn't deserve it, I have anger issues (this is something I have finally started getting ahold of but still need work). When I get this way I also get lazy and simple tasks around the house don't get done or I worse, don't shower.

I'm starting to realize that I really need help with this and don't know what to do. I've far outdone my apologies to people at this point and I've now realized how bad it's gotten. I don't want to be this person, but I have been this person. Where can I start to try and work on handling these things? I want to start trying to meditate daily and also try again to get off the computer more (this is something else I struggle a lot with).

What you are describing is a mirror of me sometimes. I have to push through pain, tummy physical anxiety and tiredness that almost hurts to do things, slowly but surely. I have inspiration from my fiance, hes just doing things regardless of his condition and then I just feel like I can, even if I'm like a zombie, it doesn't matter because I can do it. Watching him do stuff has been great, and helps me feel like I have a duty especially living with him, and need to do things, and nobody can judge me then. At home mom judges me constantly, it may be harder but I just got used to doing it, and I cook a ton, like I feel like a chef, I spend my day cooking sometimes, day after day. It's really great but it's tiring but sometimes I just want to go outside.

You sound to be like me when psych told me im overwhelmed, then i have no patience for anyone and their stuff. I dont want them to talk to me or be near me. And I just need to lay in bed, its a combo with emotional stuff, like I isolate and feel drained.

Give yourself some time, and slowly push towards going on a walk or doing something and the more you do the better it is. Whether youre filthy or not, youve gotta get out. Theres always a way to easily do it, dont judge yourself for how you do it. its just not fun to stay inside and watch yourself drain.

My neighbor praised me that im not like her son. He doesnt help her and doesnt get involved, and never gets out of the house because he hasnt washed his hair. When i used to be just like that. That i help mom a lot and mom is never happy, but the person opened my eyes to how much different I really am now, and that i found ways to actually function and be an example.


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19 Apr 2022, 2:51 pm

auntblabby wrote:
i had to age out of my hot-tempered-ness, which the frontal lobe stimulants made worse [except for strattera, which had a decided cooling/calming effect on me]. i hope the OP can find something like that to help him.

I love calming meds, im taking plant based, tried saffron, its expensive, and not as good also prolly gives more gastro intestinal side effects, and a mix with valerian, passiflora, st johns wort and hypericum, but im not supposed to take valerian and st johns because of interaction with my hormone therapy.

Stimulants and energizing things like coffee and things that help focus for adhd, make my anxiety and temper/mood swings worse, and give me severe insomnia.


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19 Apr 2022, 2:59 pm

PenPen wrote:
Mona Pereth wrote:
Are these "snaps of extreme anger" just momentary outbursts, or the kind of anger that then clings to you and gets you stuck in angry thought-loops?

I'm also wondering: Are you now in a situation where you are more often startled than in the past, or where your concentration is more often being abruptly broken, or where people are more often telling you too many different things all at once? (These kinds of situations make me irritable, but only in a momentary-outburst kind of way.)


I've experienced both types. Its less a result of overstimulation and more the feeling of being humiliated because I can't do things properly. When instead of saying "PenPen, let me show you how to do the dishes", they say "PenPen. You didn't do the dishes right. Do you know what you're doing? You also didn't sweep the floors properly. Do you understand?" It makes me feel frustrated because I'm not trying to get things wrong, but from how they say things/tone of voice, it feels like I'm incriminated because I'm incompetent. I think I have reactive parents, so when I do something bad, they treat me bad, and if I try to act better, they're still disappointed to my initial failure.

My new plan of action is to reframe it as not doing the chores for my parents sake, but to get better at doing chores. Better than going grey rock, cause pestering quickly chisels through my defenses.

Much similar experience here.
Thats a good strategy, and besides I have to often ask my out of control mom to leave so I can work in peace because I do it better without her helicoptering over me like I'm 5.


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19 Apr 2022, 5:53 pm

Rexi wrote:
auntblabby wrote:
i had to age out of my hot-tempered-ness, which the frontal lobe stimulants made worse [except for strattera, which had a decided cooling/calming effect on me]. i hope the OP can find something like that to help him.

I love calming meds, im taking plant based, tried saffron, its expensive, and not as good also prolly gives more gastro intestinal side effects, and a mix with valerian, passiflora, st johns wort and hypericum, but im not supposed to take valerian and st johns because of interaction with my hormone therapy.

Stimulants and energizing things like coffee and things that help focus for adhd, make my anxiety and temper/mood swings worse, and give me severe insomnia.

when i was young, the p-doc standard of care in dx'ing ADHD was to see if caffeine would calm them down or perk them up. but, there are about 8 different kinds of ADHD and one of them, the "ring of fire" temporal lobe one, reacts poorly to stimulants and needs calming meds. dr. daniel amen [a psychiatrist] has written extensively about this in a series of books.