Recovery after a psychotic episode

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I started getting sick around spring 2009 and have been through various diagnoses since then. My current doc says my symptoms are "part schizophrenia, part bipolar", and I take medicine for both. That's all good but it doesn't really feel like it's enough. Rather, I feel like I'm stuck overthinking the past with no clear path ahead to feel better.

For example, I was manic about writing back then and wrote some +1,000,000 words in three years, all of it psychotic nonsense. I still keep all of it and occasionally read it. I tell myself it's to get a perspective on how things have improved since then, but honestly, sometimes I miss the psychotic high because you're literally on top of the world thinking you are The Chosen One. Now, it's like the whole world is grey, even though I have plenty of things to be happy about.

Have you (or someone you know) ever been through a psychotic episode and recovered from it?

How do you find self-confidence, meaning and happiness in your life again without resorting to grandiose delusions and other psychotic behaviours?

not me, but a family member, relates the same feeling with those manic events. Over a long time now, they are getting better at recognizing the start of them and getting help to manage them before they become full blown and a problem. When they are not manic, they can see how destructive and dangerous such episodes can be and are getting better at finding new ways to have enjoyment. Finding pleasure seems to be difficult, so that has been a huge accomplishment too. As time goes by, and they work to find hidden emotions, they are doing better. Its a really hard thing to have to work through. Hoping you are able to find enjoyment in peace and find pleasure as you work your way through it all. Best wishes

Thanks, it's good to know I'm not alone. I guess one has to put faith in the passage of time, that things'll get better by and by.

I'm curious what kind of meds your relative is taking? I've been on antipsychotics for about ten years (alternating between olanzapine and risperidon) and was quite recently put on Lamictal (lamotrigin) which supposedly should help against the depressive episodes. So far, I've seen a slight improvement on that front.

I don't take anything so far for mania as I don't currently qualify for it. Sorry if I'm too nosy, but does your relative take medicine against mania, and in that case which one?

My manic episodes tended to be full of very risky behaviour (sexually too), as well as great irritability + grandiose thinking. I almost completely stopped sleeping for some time, had an epic meltdown and lost a job as a consequence. It was a tough time, and I kind of still feel scarred by it.

People just call me a whacko when I have my ptsd attacks...

so I just seal them up inside me..

aren't people fun

I've been through a few in combination with other stuff (I'll save the labels). I'll never be who I was before, but I get by. I improve back to some moderately disabled baseline after each one. Autism is kinda some quirky thing off to the side for me and an incidental diagnosis. I was getting by fine when I "just" had it.

Good question. I guess...the simple things that we take for granted that I'm still capable of, hopes, dreams and memories. I don't really have self-confidence and self-esteem. Meaning I get from doing what I can to help someone and keeping promises I make, along with interests from the Autism (that one came in handy). I don't have much happiness, but I still see it, feel it, and I appreciate it when I do. With my words, most won't fully understand my struggles outside of those that know me in person (which is like no one, outside of a neighbor and an old friend of my mother that knows said neighbor), but that's alright. I'd rather it that way. I have high insight, so I don't have the same presentation of delusions, which will lead to better functioning at the expense of severe Depression and Melancholy.

I've kinda ended up near something akin to Nihilistic Delusion/Cotard's Syndrome after all these years of severe Depression and Melancholy, where I don't feel like I exist, or much of anything does for that matter. I stopped seeing psychiatric when my old psychiatrist retired and SARS-CoV-2 has made finding a new one outside of my level of functioning, so I've been mostly treating myself since 2018 or so with medication from my doctor. I'm doing about as well. Maybe better.

Maybe I'm just stubborn.

I have a bipolar diagnosis, although I doubt it.
But I obviously had a hypomanic-like phase where I wrote a lot, some of which seemed to come from pagans or cultists.
That's why I'm obsessed with my fiction subject matter. I can create supporting characters for this content. My madness seems to be exploitable.
I used to be on anti-biphasic medication, quetiapine or valproate. I stopped them because of the effect on weight, which seems to depress me more than the disease itself. After that I didn't experience much abnormal state.
I still haven't found joy in life. But I have a goal. I don't want to give up easily until I'm done.

Do you have friends? Do you have a family you can depend on? Do you have some kind of regular support group or people you can turn to for help? All of these can help. A friend of mine was schizophrenic for a long time, and realizing that all of his friends were imaginary and that he wasn't part of a triumvirate of world leaders was very difficult, but making friends (starting with support groups and moving up to regular relationships) with other people has definitely helped.

I have had similar psychotic and manic episodes since 2005 (5 episodes total) and have been diagnosed as both bipolar disorder and paranoid schizophrenia.

I’m doing much better these days and the meds I am taking are
Risperdal
Depakote
Abilify
Lamotrigine

I've been through psychosis and recovered. After a couple major psychotic and mood episodes, and ongoing symptoms even during the interim into the months and years, my eventual diagnosis was schizoaffective disorder. I didn't get as extreme of mania as you, though (it was more like hypomania when it happened). Like if I had that feeling of being the chosen one or something, it was very often in the paranoid way of thinking people were out to get me, etc. Yeah it made life interesting but also tortured me. I'd be kept up sometimes by voices, delusions, etc. I'm still on lamotrigine and quetiapine to this day, but a really low dose of each (like pretty much the lowest you can take). I think I'd probably be okay without the meds but would probably experience more symptoms that I'd have to deal with somehow. I worked for three years as a peer support counselor once I was in recovery, but found that it was hard on my mental and physical health. My health has come along since I took time off from that work.

write about it. Journal or write poetry.
Use mindfulness, meditation and possibly yoga.

Vary your activity
Find good ways of socializing, such as attending meetups in areas of interest, and make sure to limit time online.

Try to find friends with varied interests/ personal qualities.
Try doing art either digitally or sketching/drawing/painting, or collage

You might try listening to more music as well.

It sounds like a psychologist could be helpful as well. You admit you have plenty to be happy about, so that's very hopeful. A psychologist could help you appreciate that foundation and build on it.

BlossX reporting in…!

I had one very awful psychotic episode where I almost got locked up into a psychiatric ward.
I rang at the bell of an unknown family in the middle of the night (they called the police) and I was convinced I wanted to buy their house (of course I was 18 with no money) so no idea What went on through my mind. (The reality of this whole story is that after a concert I was lost in my country and i didnt sleep for 3 days so I just wanted a ride home) so Being so shy and embarassed by the situation I told them I wanted to buy their house instead of just telling the truth that I couldnt find my way back home. They called an ambulance after I started crying like a baby (when I was questioned what I was really doing that night alone wandering and ringing at the family doorbell) they brought me to the hospital and released me after 8 hours of being hospitalized due to my excellent Curriculum (I am not lying, at the time I was 18 and I already had experiences working abroad) they put me into my father custory and Here I am today.
This psychotic episode which lasted only 1 day helped me realize human weaknesses and not to judge other people’s problems.
I have been on antipsychotic drugs Since then with risperdal but with very low doses and also now taking 10 mg aripiprazolo.
i have been diagnosed with ASD, and a single psychotic episode which happened that night.
Apart from that, have faith in your life buddy.
I have a girlfriend I love, a beatiful family and 3 fantastic friends I can rely on.
I am waiting a call to work for the government so I am definetely at the top of my life even though I had a psychotic episode.

Hope this story helped you.

I’m glad you recovered.

Did alcohol or drugs also play a role in the episode? This sort of thing often happens to otherwise healthy people when alcohol or drugs are involved.

Always been healthy, not a single drug I have tried nor alcohol. I am a very deep thinking guy.
I received some threats after going to work in a concert as steward (security) which definetely had its role in my mental wellbeing
I ended up free, they ended up 9 years in jail.
( I denounced everything)
I have newspaper proof. (All the major newspapers of my country, Italy, spoke of it)

You don’t have to prove anything. I believe you.

and how about you? have you ever suffered psychosis?

Fortunately, no. But lots of neurosis!