How is it that non-gay-looking people are gay?

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pawelk1986
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06 May 2022, 7:38 am

For example, my first, one of the few homosexual contacts, was with a boy who was two years younger than me, I was 16 or 14 in this one center, a summer / winter camp for children and teenagers with ADHD, autism and similar ailments.
That friend of mine had ADHD I was suspected of ADHD until I was diagnosed with Asperger, it was a therapy center financed by the Polish National Health Fund

That friend went to that center because the court sent him because he was caught with weed in his school :)
But later, every year he came of his own free will

He was very athletic but also bossy, even the older kids, and the tutors admired him a bit, we had a fight, but then we got friends, he called me fat fags, I said you are a fagot, so you call everyone to the fagots, I made jokes about him that he should be think about a career in our Catholic church or join the Polish Navy, and he could become a submarine because they like to f**k each other

But once this friend once told me that I remember telling him that he called everyone fagots, and that I told him that that's why he talks like that because he is probably a fag, what would I say hypothetically if he was gay? and I replied that I did not care about it, I told him that he was a dupkien but I was so glad that he is my friend, that if I were to make him unpleasant because of homosexuality, I would be a hypocrite because I think I am gay, although I was not sure then, then our friendship deepened, then I lost contact with him

I wonder how big is gays what doesn't look like gays I read that one soccer player came out as gay



funeralxempire
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06 May 2022, 7:51 am

Not everyone who's gay "looks gay".
Not everyone who "looks gay" is gay.
:nerdy:


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Fnord
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06 May 2022, 8:06 am

Some people seem to have weird ideas about what LGBTQ+ people "should" look and act like.



munstead
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06 May 2022, 8:17 am

Reminds me of that Red Dwarf scene where the character jokingly says that he couldn't be gay because he can't grow a moustache.

Weird ideas indeed on what people should or should not look like that are X/Y/Z.



Lost_dragon
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06 May 2022, 8:02 pm

Fnord wrote:
Some people seem to have weird ideas about what LGBTQ+ people "should" look and act like.


Yup.

Sometimes it is self-fulfilling in the sense that when a particular behaviour or appearance starts to be associated with being LGBT, people within the community may adopt such appearances as a way to show others that they are a part of the community. It can be a good way to communicate to others in the community that you are also a part of the community without being overt / drawing attention. This is usually in the form of minor specific alterations to clothing, but it can be hit and miss since sometimes people do this whilst being unaware of the code. A more common variety of this is making reference to certain songs or asking if you like particular music artists. People out of the know will just take this at face value, whereas others who know what's actually being asked will react accordingly. It can be a subtle way to test the waters if you're not sure how the other person would react to being asked the question outright. Those who do know are usually involved in the community enough to at least be allies. Of course, this has the downside that someone in the community may be unaware of this and respond completely missing the other meaning. Alternatively, someone may look up the question and become annoyed to learn what was intended. However, done correctly, the question hopefully won't cause any suspicion. Such questions can also be said as an ironic joke if everyone is in on it.

Subtle pride pins are pretty effective at communicating to others in the community whilst also not being too flashy. The type to use gradients or lesser known symbols. Certain fandoms also tend to appeal to and have a significant LGBT following due to the themes in the piece of media. I'm openly out. When I meet others in the community, they usually assume that I am not straight. On the other hand, straight people tend to assume that I am straight unless I state otherwise. I sometimes like to ask people who claim they always knew about their reasoning. People who are interested in finding new friends in the community or are romantically interested in me are more likely to pay attention to who I'm paying attention to. Such as noticing that I don't actively engage when others are talking about men they find attractive or how I act nervous around women I have a crush on. Looking in, someone not looking for such signs might just view that as shyness, but someone else who's paying closer attention might notice that the nervous behaviour is selective and that I have certain tells in my body language.

I remember one time someone started asking me questions that I recognised from an article about how to test the waters and find out if someone is gay without asking directly. Sometimes people do this if they're afraid they might be wrong in their suspicion and you could react negatively, so they try to awkwardly hint at it whilst allowing for plausible deniability. I was almost tempted to say "Oh hey, I know this one!" :lol: However, I decided to pretend that I didn't know what was going on to see how many questions it would take before she made a conclusion. Which may have been a little cruel but I was curious.


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kraftiekortie
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07 May 2022, 8:11 am

Yep….that’s true. People do this sort of thing if they want to determine if someone is gay.

It was sort of a “survival mechanism” back when being gay could land you in jail.



lostonearth35
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17 Jun 2022, 9:17 pm

Same reason people who are autistic "don't look autistic", and the people who think that's a total compliment they're giving "don't look stupid", and yet there they are.



PhosphorusDecree
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17 Jun 2022, 9:54 pm

Not all gay men are camp. (Also, not all camp men are gay.) There are a LOT of different gay subcultures, too, not all of which are well-known to outsiders. Each with a different look or style of behaviour associated with it. Some gay men play up their attachment to one of these subcultures. Others really couldn't care less about that kind of thing. And still others make a point of "acting straight" when straight people are present, as a defense mechanism. I've met men you could identify as gay within 5 seconds, and others who might get round to telling you once you've known them a few years.


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auntblabby
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17 Jun 2022, 10:15 pm

i remember in the army, they told us "right is wrong" IOW earrings on the right meant one was gay. all the gay folk [out] in my unit seemed to have subtle things that indicated they were not 100% straight, either the pierced ear on the right side [no earring during duty hours] or their choice of music was different [generally urban dance club genre was popular] as opposed to the usual hard rock or country popular among the rest of the troops.



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21 Jun 2022, 3:34 pm

Secret code back on the day.
https://www.baltimoresun.com/entertainm ... story.html


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foxyfluff
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21 Jun 2022, 8:26 pm

One thing i wonder if i should be bothered by is the assumption that everyone is straight and that LGB people are just "confused or going through a phase?"

Because i find that to erasing LGB people or denying that we exist.

https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-he ... ty-5191883

Like one time i think one guy asked if i had a partner of the opposite gender, But i wonder if that is in a way erasing LGB people or denying that we exist.



auntblabby
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21 Jun 2022, 9:27 pm

Misslizard wrote:

wilde certainly paid dearly for his libertine ways.



DeepHour
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22 Jun 2022, 1:22 pm

Would you care for a cucumber sandwich, auntblabby?

:lol:


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auntblabby
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22 Jun 2022, 8:26 pm

i don't care for eating them but i will serve them. ;)



AnomalousAspergian
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05 Aug 2022, 9:33 am

This is a really ignorant question. If the people who are active in the community believe this then the entire community really is in trouble. Incidentally, I do attend a gay autism social group and I've heard some members say they needed to dress more gay. This somewhat puzzled me, given that I don't personally wear things like I am preparing to walk on some sort of catwalk every day of my life. However, some LGBTs who have been brought up on postmodern performativity (acting a certain role to fit their personal identity, which I personally think often verges on heavy narcissism) like to dress the fit some ridiculous stereotype. We can't avoid stereotypes of course but it would be a damn sight better if we ignored them more often.



Fnord
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05 Aug 2022, 9:49 am

This has puzzled me for decades: Why do some people feel the need to 'represent' for their particular identities?

I mean, when my brother got his first motorcycle, he went from ordinary, average city boy to leather-clad biker dude in just a few short months.  The best man at my first wedding started wearing eyeliner, lace, and pink silk shirts after he came out as gay.  My cousin bought a pick-up truck and went all out on the "Blue Collar / Red Neck" image.  A former college classmate came out as a lesbian, and now sports the whole jeans/plaid shirt/workboots motif.

Now here I am, about to retire, and my favorite outfit includes shorts, Hawaiian shirt, and open-toed sandals (without socks, though).

Is this sartorial imaging something we learned in school, or are we all born with it?