Dealing With Coping/Limiting Behavior from my Childhood.

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zacb
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08 May 2022, 1:18 pm

So growing up my dad died at a young age, I felt suicidal, and found out I was on the spectrum. To add to this my mom said basically that I should shut up about everything but the westher. And anytime I tried to her about my special interests she tried to keep up but was hard for her, so unless I was talking to the same sex I felt cowardice to say what I think.

With suicidal thoughts and my dad I overcompensated by being an overachiever and I distrusted the world because my dad seemed to be a barrier with the world and the world made sense. After he died the world looked like an uninviting place and outside of some pockets it seemed screwed.

Fast foward to this past week or two as we were going back into the office and a coworker was being kinda flirty and so we talked about business and other stuff and realized that was the first time I have been able to talk about some of my interests with the opposite sex in a while, if ever. It made me realize I am not a doofus for liking certain things and realize I can talk about my stuff with ease and anything less I just need to skip ( but not be an ass about it).

So this is the question: how open should I be to the world? I know it is not always so bright so I don't want to be a doofus, but I feel like I have been too guarded. Also I feel like I need to toss some coping mechanisms. Are there better ones I can take besides passing on anything negative or adds value to my life?



klanka
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08 May 2022, 1:22 pm

That's difficult to answer. Don't ever tell a man which woman you fancy cos its an open invitation for them to sabotage it. That is a very specific answer because this can't be answered generally.
Each decision of what to share with who needs to be examined.



PhosphorusDecree
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08 May 2022, 1:52 pm

Not sure of the answers, but I can relate to this. It feels like I'm still gradually unlearning the paranoid defense mechanisms that got me through my teens 24 years later.


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zacb
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08 May 2022, 2:06 pm

klanka wrote:
That's difficult to answer. Don't ever tell a man which woman you fancy cos its an open invitation for them to sabotage it. That is a very specific answer because this can't be answered generally.
Each decision of what to share with who needs to be examined.

I apreciate it. The only people I tell anything to are family and 1 or 2 friends that are 1500 miles away and who are happy in their relationship and i have known them 10 plus years and also my mentor who is pushing 70. Good general advice for those reading though.



zacb
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08 May 2022, 2:16 pm

PhosphorusDecree wrote:
Not sure of the answers, but I can relate to this. It feels like I'm still gradually unlearning the paranoid defense mechanisms that got me through my teens 24 years later.


Same. I am still going to be an overachiever but as far as opening up i think I will just not care as that seems to be working the best. Just put some crumbs out there for more common stuff and see where it goes. I am not going to go down the path of Edward Demming, Murray Rothbard, and Stafford Beard etc.. If people don't like it, oh well. There will be peoplewho do. Probably not a perfect stratefy but my gift of gab will make up thr difference ( like with my bus driver the other night: we talked about Las Vegas, types of alcohol, side hustles, bus routes, and how things don't last any more). Idk I guess I should trust myself to know when to shut the ^&*% up.