My uncle's girlfriend's daughter

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Joe90
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25 May 2022, 6:02 pm

My uncle has a new girlfriend and I went to her house with him last night. She has a 22-year-old daughter who seems neurotypical and everything (no intellectual disabilities and didn't seem autistic, although with females I can't always tell). But she went off to bed while we were still there, and her mum got up quickly and said "I've got to read her a bedtime story". And she was up in her room for about half an hour. My uncle laughed to me, and when the mum came back down he lectured her about reading bedtime stories to a 22-year-old. The mum looked a bit depressed then, and said that the daughter makes her read her bedtime stories - and do other things too that she's perfectly capable of doing herself - and that she (the mum) gives in to her because of how insistent she (the daughter) is.
My uncle said that her daughter has her wrapped around her little finger and is very manipulative. The mum timidly protested that if she doesn't do what the daughter says, she'd get really nasty and angry.

Apparently the daughter has a good job and friends (I don't know about a boyfriend), but when she's at home she controls her mum and wants to be treated like a child, and the mum seems afraid of her. My uncle isn't very understanding of this sort of thing so I'm not sure the relationship will last, although they both love each other. I like her and I like the daughter but I don't know why she's like how she is. Is she a sociopath? Or could there be some other underlying issue with her? She has a younger sister who isn't like that at all, and the mum treats them both the same. I want the relationship to last because they seem right for each other. The daughter was behaving like this long before she met my uncle so it's nothing to do with jealousy or anything. The daughter likes my uncle.


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kraftiekortie
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25 May 2022, 6:07 pm

It's obvious that the daughter wants to be "infantilized." And that she loves to have her mother wrapped around her middle finger.

This cannot continue, in my opinion.

The mother has to take action, come heck and high water. She can legally throw her daughter out if she gets violent.



rse92
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26 May 2022, 8:28 am

Joe90 wrote:
My uncle has a new girlfriend and I went to her house with him last night. She has a 22-year-old daughter who seems neurotypical and everything (no intellectual disabilities and didn't seem autistic, although with females I can't always tell). But she went off to bed while we were still there, and her mum got up quickly and said "I've got to read her a bedtime story". And she was up in her room for about half an hour. My uncle laughed to me, and when the mum came back down he lectured her about reading bedtime stories to a 22-year-old. The mum looked a bit depressed then, and said that the daughter makes her read her bedtime stories - and do other things too that she's perfectly capable of doing herself - and that she (the mum) gives in to her because of how insistent she (the daughter) is.
My uncle said that her daughter has her wrapped around her little finger and is very manipulative. The mum timidly protested that if she doesn't do what the daughter says, she'd get really nasty and angry.

Apparently the daughter has a good job and friends (I don't know about a boyfriend), but when she's at home she controls her mum and wants to be treated like a child, and the mum seems afraid of her. My uncle isn't very understanding of this sort of thing so I'm not sure the relationship will last, although they both love each other. I like her and I like the daughter but I don't know why she's like how she is. Is she a sociopath? Or could there be some other underlying issue with her? She has a younger sister who isn't like that at all, and the mum treats them both the same. I want the relationship to last because they seem right for each other. The daughter was behaving like this long before she met my uncle so it's nothing to do with jealousy or anything. The daughter likes my uncle.


Maybe you should just stay out of it.



Joe90
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26 May 2022, 11:09 am

Quote:
Maybe you should just stay out of it.


Life's boring when you stay out of everything.

I'm close to my uncle and he hasn't had a girlfriend in years, since his divorce so I'm glad to see him in love, and I like his girlfriend.

I'm also a little weirded out by his daughter but I'm fascinated too, although I don't like to ask them too many questions. I was just wondering if anyone here knew anyone similar to her. Could she even be on the spectrum?


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klanka
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26 May 2022, 12:02 pm

I mean if all she wants is a bedtime story how can anyone refuse that



Joe90
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26 May 2022, 1:26 pm

klanka wrote:
I mean if all she wants is a bedtime story how can anyone refuse that


Yes but it isn't exactly normal for an adult to want a bedtime story so there must be more to it. It seems like she has her mum wrapped around her middle finger and wants to be infantilised, and the mum seems scared of her.


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Earthbound_Alien
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26 May 2022, 1:43 pm

Joe90 wrote:
klanka wrote:
I mean if all she wants is a bedtime story how can anyone refuse that


Yes but it isn't exactly normal for an adult to want a bedtime story so there must be more to it. It seems like she has her mum wrapped around her middle finger and wants to be infantilised, and the mum seems scared of her.


its not normal for a 46 year Old to want a rubbings either but I love having one...

it relaxes my entire nervous system

my ex found it funny as he said I went into a trance when he gave me one.

I don't scare anyone though, I just hope..


*ahem*



Joe90
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26 May 2022, 1:59 pm

I just can't talk to other Aspies about this sort of thing because you lot always have to look at it a different way (except for Kraftie, I'm glad he answered properly). Just be judgemental and gossip about people for once in your lives, will you? It's OK to judge as long as you're not letting the person know you're judging them by bullying them or anything. So just let your hair down and be humans.


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klanka
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26 May 2022, 2:08 pm

Haha nice one

Well I raised an adorable daughter of my own , so, erm , I know you're gonna hate me for this but I find it cute that she is like that.
Except the fact that she uses anger to get her own way which is toxic,abusive etc.

Thinking about it my daughter was a tiny bit like that when she was young, so she reminds me of my own daughter quite a bit actually.



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27 May 2022, 4:55 am

Yes, it's unhealthy at her age. Especially with the manipulation. I don't think we can say she's a sociopath, based on the information, but it's definitely narcissistic behavior. Most adults at her age would have established--or be establishing--independence. Mom seems to be giving in because it's easier, instead of providing the boundaries this person needs (and Mom needs). She should be happy your uncle's a decent guy and not somebody else trying to use her.



Joe90
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27 May 2022, 5:07 am

HighLlama wrote:
Yes, it's unhealthy at her age. Especially with the manipulation. I don't think we can say she's a sociopath, based on the information, but it's definitely narcissistic behavior. Most adults at her age would have established--or be establishing--independence. Mom seems to be giving in because it's easier, instead of providing the boundaries this person needs (and Mom needs). She should be happy your uncle's a decent guy and not somebody else trying to use her.


Interesting.


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Suzyb
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27 May 2022, 5:20 am

I think I definetly question the parent - child relationship here and in particular whilst growing up. Has Mum created an environment of dependency that she can no longer say no to?

I question Mum's motives more than anything only because it appears Mum would like to say no. Why cant she say no? Is she carrying guilt from when the daughter was younger?

A child raised within an appropriate nurturing house with no disability/learning difficulty, should not be demanding bed time stories in my opinion and instead should have the confidence to read age related material on their own or fall asleep independently.



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27 May 2022, 6:03 am

Joe90 wrote:
I just can't talk to other Aspies about this sort of thing because you lot always have to look at it a different way (except for Kraftie, I'm glad he answered properly). Just be judgemental and gossip about people for once in your lives, will you? It's OK to judge as long as you're not letting the person know you're judging them by bullying them or anything. So just let your hair down and be humans.


ummmmm. its not natural for me to judge especially without knowing the full circumstances and back history

I only have your version of events.

x



kraftiekortie
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27 May 2022, 6:07 am

A 22-year-old acting like a 5-year-old is not cute.

As Llama points out, she makes toxic threats. A very unhealthy situation.



Earthbound_Alien
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27 May 2022, 6:08 am

I'm 46 nearly 47 and I still like rubbins' and still rub my tickle

I'm not manipulative though

stop forcing people to be normal

stop it



Earthbound_Alien
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27 May 2022, 6:11 am

HighLlama wrote:
Yes, it's unhealthy at her age. Especially with the manipulation. I don't think we can say she's a sociopath, based on the information, but it's definitely narcissistic behavior. Most adults at her age would have established--or be establishing--independence. Mom seems to be giving in because it's easier, instead of providing the boundaries this person needs (and Mom needs). She should be happy your uncle's a decent guy and not somebody else trying to use her.


I don't think an ego obsessed narccissist would want the world to know they still like bedtime stories....

she has something else going on...possibly, would need to know the full story

Jo I like you but I'm not going to validate you here