Is it common for some people with autism to hate praise?

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catpiecakebutter
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02 Jun 2022, 11:16 am

I have Asperger’s and I hate praise and compliments. Is it common for people with autism to not like compliments?



Steve1963
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02 Jun 2022, 11:17 am

I don't know if it's common or not, but this guy with Asperger's despises compliments.



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02 Jun 2022, 1:35 pm

I don't like compliments intended to make me feel good and like the speaker. Buddhists consider praise a spiritual hazard, feeding the ego. However, when someone points out that my use of accents for humour shows talent, I may develop it further.



naturalplastic
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02 Jun 2022, 1:41 pm

I am fine with praise. But a number of posters on WP over the years seem to hate praise.

Depends upon the autistic individual, depends upon the situation. Dont think that its a hard rule.



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02 Jun 2022, 1:45 pm

I admit I like praise. There are times when I deserve it; there are times when I don't.

Sometimes, I feel a little embarrassed when I get praise. But, in my "heart of hearts," I want people to "keep it coming."

When I don't, it's sometimes hard for me to admit that I don't deserve the praise.

I feel like when somebody deserves praise, they should get it. It's not a "cold, hard world" like some people believe. It's a complex world.

We need praise, and we need constructive criticism....both. To withhold both, to me, is a disservice.



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02 Jun 2022, 1:58 pm

My AS mother would praise anything I did because she thought she should, and father would criticize it because he would have done it differently. When I was quite young, I was frustrated with a drawing I was working on, and asked mother how to fix it. She should have said she was busy and would help later. She said it was nice, and I never asked her for help again.



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02 Jun 2022, 2:48 pm

I do not know what NTs consider "normal".

In general, I prefer concise, straightforward, factual, infrequent acknowledgement when I've done something unusually well, kind, difficult, etc. From someone who knows what they are talking about.

A few years ago I was at a large social event when someone significant in that organization sat near me and started praising how wonderful I was.
+-+- We did not know each other. I did not remember meeting her before.
+-+- I have face-blindness. I only knew she was important by context.
+-+- From what she said I know she knew my bride...but she was praising me.
+-+- Her praise was devoid of facts...it was of me, not of anything I was or had done.
She got annoyed when I repeatedly deflected the complements and tried to steer it onto my bride...who had done praiseworthy things with that organization.

Sigh. The gal persisted in trying to complement me and got irritated with me because I kept deflecting the empty praise.

Finally, since I obviously was not interested in hearing praise from her she curtly said something to the effect of "OK. Your're a jerk!" I cheerfully agreed.


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Joe90
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02 Jun 2022, 3:09 pm

I like praise, I mean it's better than criticism.

I do like compliments but not always. It's why I feel afraid of changing my hairstyle and then turning up for work, there are guys there and I know guys are less tactful than women when it comes to beauty, so they'll probably make snarky jokes or something and I'll feel embarrassed. Same with glasses, I don't want to turn up for work suddenly wearing glasses even though other people wear glasses, I just don't feel myself in glasses. I look like a timid nerd in glasses and I don't like people commenting on them.


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Fern
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02 Jun 2022, 3:35 pm

I don't hate praise, I hate the part after you've been praised, where you are supposed to say something, but it's not clear what you are supposed to say, and the wrong thing will really get you judged harshly.

If someone says "You're so nice" it's apparently odd to just say "thank you" and outright rude to say "Yes, I am." Rather, we are expected reject the compliment to some extent and downplay our own virtues.... but even this goes poorly if you go to far. For instance, responding with "No, I'm not nice" is also weird.


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02 Jun 2022, 4:46 pm

I do not hate praise.  I am suspicious of those who give praise, especially strangers and those who have never been nice to me before.  They always seem to want to get something from me, usually my money or my signature on a petition.  Sometimes I get something in return; usually a promise or something equally cheap.



Last edited by Fnord on 02 Jun 2022, 4:47 pm, edited 1 time in total.

KellyN
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02 Jun 2022, 4:47 pm

Hello everyone,
I generally don't like praise too much. The only times that I am okay with praise are when I believe that I was successful in something or that I deserved it. For example, after my high school graduation last year, many people congratulated me. However, I did not feel like I deserved such praise and was not so happy about it because I did not personally feel successful. In comparison, when I do something that makes me feel successful, I am okay with praise. The main component of my acceptance or non-acceptance of praise is my perfectionism. I always feel that I need to be perfect to deserve praise, and if I receive praise after not being perfect I discourage it.
-Kelly



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02 Jun 2022, 5:05 pm

I don’t like being praised at all. It makes me feel uncomfortable because then I need to politely and adequately respond back or else they might regret saying it or change their mind.

This depends somewhat on who is giving the praise. I’m the most uncomfortable with people I don’t know that well.


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02 Jun 2022, 5:08 pm

What's praise? It's been so long I hardly remember the meaning of the word. Oh that's right, it's what you say to a dog or a cat when their behavior pleases you. But not humans because they never please you and they're impossible to please.



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02 Jun 2022, 6:47 pm

I do not think this is an Aspergers trait. I have known a number of NT's that hate praise.

In general, modesty is becoming a thing of the past.


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02 Jun 2022, 7:46 pm

Yeah, but I don't think it's related to Autism in my case. Hate is the right word for me. Attention and standing out too.

It'll be the Echoism.



1986
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02 Jun 2022, 8:05 pm

Generally speaking, I like being praised but it's not something I make an effort to receive. My internal goals are more important to me than external rewards.

It takes skill to accept praise, and it's hard for people without autism, too. It's about you as much as the other person. I try to avoid "Thanks, but it's nothing really" as it comes off as cheapening the praise, and instead I compliment the other person back, e.g. "It makes me happy to hear that from you."