Why are men threatened by a high body count compared to..?

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ironpony
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14 Jun 2022, 1:11 pm

But women I have dated have always asked me so is it only fair to ask back?



kraftiekortie
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14 Jun 2022, 2:04 pm

Just tell them that it's a personal question, and that maybe you'll tell her in due time.



The_Face_of_Boo
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14 Jun 2022, 2:14 pm

IsabellaLinton wrote:
... but people here advertise their "number" all the time, like a contest.

People can do or say whatever they want.
I'm not trying to police anyone.
I just think it's creepy af when people of either gender talk about numbers.
It suggests some type of hierarchy.

Maybe a high number means the person was lousy in bed / no one wanted to stay with them.
Maybe it means they didn't care about the other people and used them.
It's all in how you look at it.


Yet here you are, you tend to police what others should say in your posts.


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rse92
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14 Jun 2022, 2:58 pm

ironpony wrote:
But women I have dated have always asked me so is it only fair to ask back?


Do they ask "what's your body count?" Or do they ask, "have you been with many women"? I honestly don't think the latter question is beyond the pale.



ironpony
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14 Jun 2022, 4:12 pm

rse92 wrote:
ironpony wrote:
But women I have dated have always asked me so is it only fair to ask back?


Do they ask "what's your body count?" Or do they ask, "have you been with many women"? I honestly don't think the latter question is beyond the pale.


They asked "how many women have you been with" or something along those lines.



Raleigh
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14 Jun 2022, 4:17 pm

Body count suggests to me people you have killed.
I've never used that nor have heard about the term used in this context until this thread.
A more polite way would be to simply ask how many partners someone has had.
'Body count' sounds aggressive to me.


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The_Face_of_Boo
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14 Jun 2022, 4:39 pm

rse92 wrote:
ironpony wrote:
But women I have dated have always asked me so is it only fair to ask back?


Do they ask "what's your body count?" Or do they ask, "have you been with many women"? I honestly don't think the latter question is beyond the pale.


They always ask about ex relationships; so from that they can estimate how many.


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The_Face_of_Boo
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14 Jun 2022, 4:41 pm

Raleigh wrote:
Body count suggests to me people you have killed.
I've never used that nor have heard about the term used in this context until this thread.
A more polite way would be to simply ask how many partners someone has had.
'Body count' sounds aggressive to me.


Yes, I was thinking of this scene of Rambo shooting Vietnamese soldiers.


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cyberdad
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14 Jun 2022, 4:58 pm

IsabellaLinton wrote:
kraftiekortie wrote:
It’s this (mostly) false notion that women don’t like “inexperienced” men, and that men are bothered when women are “experienced.”


Women I know don't like men who use terms like "body count", or men who advertise their number like a flag.

Men I respect don't hold double standards.


I think this is now an intergenerational thing. Younger women accept and tolerate this in young men who then apply this language to them.

Before getting married I was in my 30s and made the mistake of hanging around a 18 yr old girl who asked me if I wanted to go to a nightclub where there were strippers. It completely turned my world upside down as I thought girls didn't like that sort of thing, But she tolerated her ex boyfriend's taste in scantilly clad women and assumed that's the sort of thing I would like. It was yet another reason I fled Australia to find a wife.



The_Face_of_Boo
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14 Jun 2022, 5:09 pm

^ Didn’t occur to you that she may be bisexual?


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IsabellaLinton
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14 Jun 2022, 5:18 pm

ironpony wrote:
But women I have dated have always asked me so is it only fair to ask back?




I've never asked anyone, whether I'm dating them or not.
My partner and I went to the doctor first.
That's about it.



IsabellaLinton
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14 Jun 2022, 5:24 pm

cyberdad wrote:
I think this is now an intergenerational thing. Younger women accept and tolerate this in young men who then apply this language to them.


I'm kinda shocked by this. I don't know a lot of young women other than my daughter's friends but they don't "accept and tolerate" this from young men or from other young women. They don't let anyone "apply" this language to them because they don't discuss stuff like that (maybe in the context of relationships, but idk).

That's not to say you're wrong. You guys know more about social media than I do. If you've seen young women (or men) speak this way in the media then it must be happening.

I agree with Raleigh. My first thought is it sounds like murder. I thought that's what the thread was about at first.



ironpony
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14 Jun 2022, 6:33 pm

I apologize for using that term body count. Someone else use that term from with me in a conversation and I just use that terms I thought maybe it was a real term. I apologize for the confusion.



IsabellaLinton
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14 Jun 2022, 6:40 pm

ironpony wrote:
I apologize for using that term body count. Someone else use that term from with me in a conversation and I just use that terms I thought maybe it was a real term. I apologize for the confusion.
.

I hope you aren't apologising on my behalf.
Use the term if you want to.
I was grossed out by it but that's my opinion.

Even without the term, I think it's weird to tell people your number of partners.
Some people have numbers forced upon them by assault.
Other people have no numbers and it makes them feel awkward in conversation.
Women have been judged by the Angel / Whore paradigm long enough.
Likewise, men seem to think "numbers" make them better partners or better men.
This ^ promotes toxic masculinity, which we're all trying to avoid (to the best of my knowledge).
Terms like "body count" make it sound like a conquest with right / wrong answers.

I disagree with all of it, but again it's just my opinion.



kraftiekortie
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14 Jun 2022, 6:51 pm

Within all my relationships, I was never asked how many previous sexual partners I had.....ever. And I've never asked my girlfriends that question. If a person wants to tell me, fine.....but it's really none of my business.

I was never asked by my wife how many previous sexual partners I had. And I never asked her how many sexual partners she had. It doesn't matter to me. If she wants to tell me, fine.....but I'm not going to ask her that specific question. It lacks class. I don't know how many previous lovers she's had.

The only reason why I've mentioned how many partners I had in my life....is to dispel the myth of "alpha men" getting "all the chicks," while supposedly "beta" men have great difficulty even finding one girlfriend. I'm a classic "beta, nerdy, etc." male. I'm just not the type that women drool over.

Having multiple partners is nothing to brag about. Like Isabella said, it could be a situation where one has difficulty maintaining monogamous relationships.



IsabellaLinton
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14 Jun 2022, 7:03 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
Within all my relationships, I was never asked how many previous sexual partners I had.....ever. And I've never asked my girlfriends that question. If a person wants to tell me, fine.....but it's really none of my business.



Same.
It's not like I keep secrets.
My partner knows everything I've been through because we talk about my trauma.
To be honest I don't know how to count it.
What constitutes a number anyway?
I think my number is two, because I've had two consensual partners.
His number is two.
Again I didn't ask, but he married his high school sweetheart and then was widowed.
To say he's not a real man because of this makes me laugh.
It all depends on context.