Love on the Spectrum: US edition

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MaxE
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22 Jun 2022, 9:04 am

ironpony wrote:
Oh I see. What counts as. 'traditionally autistic looking'?

I think what Muse933277 meant is somebody whose appearance in some way leads an observer to conclude they are autistic. I don't think there is any sort of "traditional" meaning. That was not a good way to express what Muse933277 had in mind.


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Muse933277
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22 Jun 2022, 9:51 am

ironpony wrote:

Oh I see. What counts as. 'traditionally autistic looking'?




To be honest, when most people think of someone who is "traditionally autistic looking" they think of someone who is a man and kind of nerdy looking with nerdy interests. And this reason is obvious, most people who have been diagnosed with high functioning autism have been traditionally nerdy and introverted men.



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22 Jun 2022, 12:35 pm

Muse933277 wrote:
ironpony wrote:

Oh I see. What counts as. 'traditionally autistic looking'?




To be honest, when most people think of someone who is "traditionally autistic looking" they think of someone who is a man and kind of nerdy looking with nerdy interests. And this reason is obvious, most people who have been diagnosed with high functioning autism have been traditionally nerdy and introverted men.


I am female and a gigantic ton of my learning to mask was 1) presenting as gender normie and 2) not presenting as nerdy, getting rid of the Nerd Accent, etc.


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22 Jun 2022, 1:07 pm

Muse933277 wrote:
ironpony wrote:

Oh I see. What counts as. 'traditionally autistic looking'?




To be honest, when most people think of someone who is "traditionally autistic looking" they think of someone who is a man and kind of nerdy looking with nerdy interests. And this reason is obvious, most people who have been diagnosed with high functioning autism have been traditionally nerdy and introverted men.


What counts as nerdy looking? Glasses and bald?



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22 Jun 2022, 1:28 pm

Sheldon Cooper is “nerdy-looking and acting.”

He is a caricature of a nerdy Aspie.



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22 Jun 2022, 1:31 pm

But I don't understand how autistic people are more nerdy looking than NT if that's the case?



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22 Jun 2022, 1:40 pm

ironpony wrote:
But I don't understand how autistic people are more nerdy looking than NT if that's the case?


It's not about reality, it's about whether or not you fit a stereotype. Even clinicians buy it. That said, what most people don't really see from the outside is that "nerd" is actually a subculture.

When I was a just-recently-unemployed tech worker married to a university employee, whose "thing" was tabletop gaming and going to sci fi cons, heavily involved in an older incarnation of nerd culture, whose recent work narrative had been being unable to hold jobs outside of tech, and who dressed like a square and had a snorty laugh and a nerdy accent and a weird sense of humor, I had no trouble getting diagnosed.

My diagnosis came into question by later clinicians when I started dressing Suburban White Lady and changing my voice to not sound nerdy!

FYI I started to reply to this but ended up writing a three page monograph about the history of The Nerd as image system from between roughly the 1970s-1990s (beginning with military-industrial jobs no longer being "cool" or aspirational to a giant chunk of young people, and the rise of 70s youth culture, with square STEM types appearing to have value systems that clashed with the new expectations of youth, and going on through Revenge of the Nerds in the 80s and then Trenchcoat Mafia up to Geek Feminism) that nobody f*****g asked for and that had nothing to do with this post. I *should* write that *somewhere.*


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22 Jun 2022, 2:09 pm

There were nerds before the 1970s. Trust me.

The more intellectual ones were called “eggheads” from the 50s till the early 70s.



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22 Jun 2022, 2:18 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
There were nerds before the 1970s. Trust me.

The more intellectual ones were called “eggheads” from the 50s till the early 70s.


Dang, hadn't thought of that. Yeah. And the sci fi subculture space I and my dad were part of, that had a lot of Silent Generation engineers/etc in it, actually goes back that far.


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22 Jun 2022, 4:14 pm

orbweaver wrote:
ironpony wrote:
But I don't understand how autistic people are more nerdy looking than NT if that's the case?


It's not about reality, it's about whether or not you fit a stereotype. Even clinicians buy it. That said, what most people don't really see from the outside is that "nerd" is actually a subculture.

When I was a just-recently-unemployed tech worker married to a university employee, whose "thing" was tabletop gaming and going to sci fi cons, heavily involved in an older incarnation of nerd culture, whose recent work narrative had been being unable to hold jobs outside of tech, and who dressed like a square and had a snorty laugh and a nerdy accent and a weird sense of humor, I had no trouble getting diagnosed.

My diagnosis came into question by later clinicians when I started dressing Suburban White Lady and changing my voice to not sound nerdy!

FYI I started to reply to this but ended up writing a three page monograph about the history of The Nerd as image system from between roughly the 1970s-1990s (beginning with military-industrial jobs no longer being "cool" or aspirational to a giant chunk of young people, and the rise of 70s youth culture, with square STEM types appearing to have value systems that clashed with the new expectations of youth, and going on through Revenge of the Nerds in the 80s and then Trenchcoat Mafia up to Geek Feminism) that nobody f*****g asked for and that had nothing to do with this post. I *should* write that *somewhere.*


Oh I see. Can other ASD people avoid looking nerdy by dressing differently or hitting the gym or talking differently?

For example, my brother is also ASD and I think he would have a much better time dating if he would just not speak in the 'nerdy' voice he speaks in.



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22 Jun 2022, 4:18 pm

ironpony wrote:
Muse933277 wrote:
ironpony wrote:
Well as to this notion that a lot of autistic people do not look attractive, I thought that autism was just an effect on the brain and did not effect looks at all, unless I am wrong?



There are attractive people with autism, it's just that either 1 of 2 things happen.

1. Attractive people with autism are less likely to struggle with dating, particularly if they are a woman. Those reasons are obvious; the better looking you are, the easier it is to attract partners regardless of your social shortcomings. And if you don't struggle with dating, you're less likely to have an incentive to show up on a show like Love On The Spectrum.


2. Attractive people with autism are less likely to be diagnosed compared to homely looking people with autism. And here's why. If you're good looking, your social difficulties are much more likely to be forgiven. Where's if you're ugly, your social mistakes are much more likely to come off as weird. Therefore if you don't look traditionally autistic, and are quite beautiful/handsome, people are more likely to pass your autistic traits off as simply being quirky.


3. Many people with autism have motor/coordination issues and/or are less likely to be into exercise and sports. And people who frequently exercise are on average, more physically attractive than people who never exercise. So since people with autism are less likely to be into sports and exercising, it might make sense that they're also less likely to be considered conventionally attractive.


Oh I see. What counts as. 'traditionally autistic looking'?


There isn't a "type".



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22 Jun 2022, 4:25 pm

Nades wrote:
It's typical of these types of show to goad and shunt disabled people into awkward situations for entertainment.


TBF all reality TV does this. It's the formula that guarantees drama. My problem with the UK program casting this Aspie guy was his not wanting to date a disabled girl. He was nice enough but he clearly came across as self-conscious and not wanting to be associated with the group. The reason he was in the show became obvious when walked up to random NT girls in local shops (I recall it was some coastal English town) and his pickup lines were overly cheesy. The local girls must have known they were on camera? as they all seem to be good sports.



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22 Jun 2022, 9:48 pm

Oh I see. As for guys thinking that autistic women might be a handful compared to NTs because of the moodswings mentioned before, and all that, in my experience though, I have dated one autistic woman so far and she did not test me compared to NT women though, so is it worth putting up with all of the ADS traits though, if it means no testing, if this is common in ASD women, compared to NT?



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22 Jun 2022, 11:03 pm

ironpony wrote:
Oh I see. As for guys thinking that autistic women might be a handful compared to NTs because of the moodswings mentioned before, and all that, in my experience though, I have dated one autistic woman so far and she did not test me compared to NT women though, so is it worth putting up with all of the ADS traits though, if it means no testing, if this is common in ASD women, compared to NT?


What traits would you say you'd have to put up with from ASD women, compared to ASD men? Just curious.


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22 Jun 2022, 11:24 pm

Oh well in my experience NT women have often tested me by seeing what I will do in certain situations or how I will answer questions to see if I was alpha male enough for them I guess, but so far, my ASD gf does not do that at all, and wonder if other ASD women are often the same therefore.



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23 Jun 2022, 12:08 am

I went on a date with an autistic woman once. Now she is not representative of all women on the spectrum, but I can safely say with 100% certainly that was the WORST woman I ever went out with and we had ZERO things in common.

She was crazy, and even admitted to it. She was your typical sorority girl that liked to drink, party, do drugs, and make out with random guys at a bar. I was the total opposite of that. Didn't like to drink, didn't like to party, never did drugs, and was the total opposite of promiscuous.

It was a blind date, that's how we got set up. But looking back, whoever set us up clearly didn't screen for compatibility because she was probably the least compatible woman I've ever went out with.