Should my gf judge me based on these books I own?

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naturalplastic
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25 Jun 2022, 8:52 pm

I think I actually briefly owned a copy of "how to get a beautiful woman into bed", or 'get any woman you want in bed", or something like that. Ordered it from some catalogue years ago. Read some of it, consumed it, found it a little too misogynistic for my taste, and tossed it. Am a bit embarrassed to confess here that I even owned it. Wouldnt want guy friends, or woman friends, to see it my book case. Should keep books like that in the bottom drawer of your dresser. But the cats out of the bag. So... I dunno. Those books are not priceless family heirlooms so how valuable could they possibly be to you? Why not just toss em ...if that makes her happy?



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26 Jun 2022, 7:13 am

Sweetleaf wrote:
I think she is more concerned with the idea you might not genuinely like her, if you were reading that kind of stuff. Maybe it's made her self conscious that maybe you just see her as a 'pretty woman that you got into bed' than an individual person and partner you really care about, since some books like that sort of seem to forget women are people and may want a genuine connection not just a script to get them in bed.

Are those books even really the hill you want to die on? for certain I don't think being stubborn on this issue will impress her. Maybe talk to her about why it offends her and be open a bit to her perspective, and try to find middle ground.
You could be quite rite about that. I also do not think this is a $hit test. I hope this is a situation where she needs a bit of time to let things sink in & clam down & then drops it or is able to have a serious discussion & explain why she's upset & reacted so strongly & also listens & considers ironpony's reasoning. Unfortunately since it was mentioned that she's very politically sensitive & has major problems with others not agreeing with her, I'd be worried that she'd look for political meanings in lots of things & she'd regularly get upset & accusatory, like she'd get mad over some of the shows he watches, some of the music he listens to, way he dresses sometimes, & some of the food he eats. I could be wrong & I hope I am but I know I would NOT be able to handle a relationship with someone extremely judgemental like that.


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Nades
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26 Jun 2022, 7:31 am

nick007 wrote:
Sweetleaf wrote:
I think she is more concerned with the idea you might not genuinely like her, if you were reading that kind of stuff. Maybe it's made her self conscious that maybe you just see her as a 'pretty woman that you got into bed' than an individual person and partner you really care about, since some books like that sort of seem to forget women are people and may want a genuine connection not just a script to get them in bed.

Are those books even really the hill you want to die on? for certain I don't think being stubborn on this issue will impress her. Maybe talk to her about why it offends her and be open a bit to her perspective, and try to find middle ground.
You could be quite rite about that. I also do not think this is a $hit test. I hope this is a situation where she needs a bit of time to let things sink in & clam down & then drops it or is able to have a serious discussion & explain why she's upset & reacted so strongly & also listens & considers ironpony's reasoning. Unfortunately since it was mentioned that she's very politically sensitive & has major problems with others not agreeing with her, I'd be worried that she'd look for political meanings in lots of things & she'd regularly get upset & accusatory, like she'd get mad over some of the shows he watches, some of the music he listens to, way he dresses sometimes, & some of the food he eats. I could be wrong & I hope I am but I know I would NOT be able to handle a relationship with someone extremely judgemental like that.


It indeed seems to be the case where his GF appears to see too much into, well, everything. If she's like this with a book he bought before he even met her imagine how much gear grinding she's doing in her head about other crap.

Do you really want to be with someone who dissects something so trivial from someone who might be autistic and unlikely to have a straightforward sexual and romantic development?

Felt lonely as an autistic and went to a hooker? Judged.
Felt behind the crowd as an autistic and watched porn to vent frustrations? Judged.

Why someone judges matters a lot.

By all means she can judge but it seems a bit late to make an appearance in Ironpony's life for judging to be worth anything.

She needs to back down and if she doesn't I would get shot of her.



orbweaver
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26 Jun 2022, 9:55 pm

Nades wrote:
nick007 wrote:
Sweetleaf wrote:
I think she is more concerned with the idea you might not genuinely like her, if you were reading that kind of stuff. Maybe it's made her self conscious that maybe you just see her as a 'pretty woman that you got into bed' than an individual person and partner you really care about, since some books like that sort of seem to forget women are people and may want a genuine connection not just a script to get them in bed.

Are those books even really the hill you want to die on? for certain I don't think being stubborn on this issue will impress her. Maybe talk to her about why it offends her and be open a bit to her perspective, and try to find middle ground.
You could be quite rite about that. I also do not think this is a $hit test. I hope this is a situation where she needs a bit of time to let things sink in & clam down & then drops it or is able to have a serious discussion & explain why she's upset & reacted so strongly & also listens & considers ironpony's reasoning. Unfortunately since it was mentioned that she's very politically sensitive & has major problems with others not agreeing with her, I'd be worried that she'd look for political meanings in lots of things & she'd regularly get upset & accusatory, like she'd get mad over some of the shows he watches, some of the music he listens to, way he dresses sometimes, & some of the food he eats. I could be wrong & I hope I am but I know I would NOT be able to handle a relationship with someone extremely judgemental like that.


It indeed seems to be the case where his GF appears to see too much into, well, everything. If she's like this with a book he bought before he even met her imagine how much gear grinding she's doing in her head about other crap.

Do you really want to be with someone who dissects something so trivial from someone who might be autistic and unlikely to have a straightforward sexual and romantic development?

Felt lonely as an autistic and went to a hooker? Judged.
Felt behind the crowd as an autistic and watched porn to vent frustrations? Judged.

Why someone judges matters a lot.

By all means she can judge but it seems a bit late to make an appearance in Ironpony's life for judging to be worth anything.

She needs to back down and if she doesn't I would get shot of her.
'

I was in an abusive relationship with an autist who was like this - looking for hidden meanings in every possible thing I did, making up meanings, then gaslighting me about how what I REALLY meant was what they imagined I meant, not what I said I meant - and honestly... ugh.

OP needs to set boundaries and set them now. Maybe the girl is okay and is just too autistic to keep that kind of opinion to herself, but if she's going to be someone who's going to make everything mean something, he needs to run


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IsabellaLinton
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26 Jun 2022, 10:05 pm

His girlfriend isn't autistic. ^
She's his boss at work.



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26 Jun 2022, 10:06 pm

IsabellaLinton wrote:
His girlfriend isn't autistic. ^
She's his boss at work.


Oh lord this could get messy


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26 Jun 2022, 10:08 pm

She’s his “superior” at work, though not his immediate supervisor……I do believe Ironpony previously mentioned that she’s somewhere on the Spectrum.



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26 Jun 2022, 10:14 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
She’s his “superior” at work, though not his immediate supervisor……I do believe Ironpony previously mentioned that she’s somewhere on the Spectrum.


Oh really?
I'm sorry if I got that wrong.

I'll let him correct it but I was sure she was NT.



ironpony
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26 Jun 2022, 10:55 pm

Well it turns out it was a big misunderstanding. I love her and want to work it out, and I misjudged the situation it seems.



cyberdad
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27 Jun 2022, 2:45 am

ironpony wrote:
How to Get Beautiful Women into Bed, etc.
I even told her about the books I owned really early on, but I guess she never gave it much though until she actually looked at my book collection more so. What do you think?

Thank you for any advice on this! I really appreciate it!


Dude! you need to be more discreet about what you share. A book like "How to get beautiful women into bed" is really going to to test the level of trust your g/f has in you. The first thing that comes to mind is "I wonder if anything ironpony told me was true or did he just say it to get me into bed?"



The_Face_of_Boo
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27 Jun 2022, 4:32 am

There's always a drama conflict between you and your girlfriend every two days.

This is a sign that one of you is a drama queen/king.


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