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elizapar
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27 Jun 2022, 1:32 pm

Hi everyone,

This is my first time posting. For background, I've suspected for some time that I may be autistic and am on a waiting list for assessment.

I see a lot of features in myself that make me wonder about autism. One of the most prominent and difficult for me is feeling like people can't stand me. I'm incredibly self-critical and will go out of my way to be pleasant and obliging to the point where I've become a bit of a doormat.

People around me tell me that I'm likeable but I don't really believe it and if anyone ever cancels on me or doesn't respond to a text message it crushes my self-esteem.

My question is, does anyone else deal with this or is this more likely to be social anxiety?

Thank you for taking the time to read this



goatfish57
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27 Jun 2022, 1:41 pm

I feel the same way. I am avoidant and have social anxiety. What I am told by many is something simple. Most NT's do not remember the little mistakes or bigger ones. Since they also screw up frequently.


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elizapar
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27 Jun 2022, 1:49 pm

goatfish57 wrote:
I feel the same way. I am avoidant and have social anxiety. What I am told by many is something simple. Most NT's do not remember the little mistakes or bigger ones. Since they also screw up frequently.


Thank you for responding. I often wish my long term memory for my mistakes wasn't quite so vivid.



klanka
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27 Jun 2022, 4:48 pm

I have that feeling cos in group situations i hardly talk, then when I do, its something impersonal and mundane, so I dont really reveal anything about myself to groups of people. So its like everyone else in the group reveals their thoughts and idiosyncracies but I remain fairly closed. Its probably due to me being open in the past as a child and getting 'destroyed' as a result..like getting a nickname.

Im ok with one -on -one. I can get to know people and I dont get that feeling.



Mountain Goat
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27 Jun 2022, 6:36 pm

I tend to withdraw when this happens to me.

I am also waiting to be assessed.



Joe90
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27 Jun 2022, 8:04 pm

Not sure if that is autism or not, sounds more like you're a highly sensitive person with maybe social anxiety.


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temp1234
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28 Jun 2022, 4:02 am

I think it's both. You are probably autistic and understandably developed social anxiety due to hurtful experiences.

I feel the same, too. Although I try to be nice and friendly, I often get hostile responses. It seems that people somehow assume I'm grumpy and trying to be rebellious or something when I'm simply being nice. Possibly my being tense due to anxiety/nervousness makes my facial expression/tone look/sound cold? Maybe?

Another factor is that some people will step on you when they know you are not confident. In this case it's they just having fun belittling "inferior" person. Probably some people can instinctively sense that you are a perfect "doormat".



GreenL3aves
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30 Jun 2022, 7:03 am

I get that. I have always been the scapegoat, the hated person. People pick up on my sensitivities. I don't have any friends or anyone I talk to regularly. I've been alone for many years now. I tried to make some friends online but people just want to pick on me and be hateful to me. Its very depressing and can be hard. If someone doesn't respond to me and I feel like they hate me I'm not sure if that's an autistic thing. Because I always feel like people hate me.



Joe90
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30 Jun 2022, 7:11 am

I don't really feel that people hate me, as hate is such a strong word. But I feel like people (strangers) judge me, and that some people I know (colleagues, friends of friends) don't like me much or don't want to waste their time being my friend.


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Earthbound_Alien
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30 Jun 2022, 10:12 am

elizapar wrote:
Hi everyone,

This is my first time posting. For background, I've suspected for some time that I may be autistic and am on a waiting list for assessment.

I see a lot of features in myself that make me wonder about autism. One of the most prominent and difficult for me is feeling like people can't stand me. I'm incredibly self-critical and will go out of my way to be pleasant and obliging to the point where I've become a bit of a doormat.

People around me tell me that I'm likeable but I don't really believe it and if anyone ever cancels on me or doesn't respond to a text message it crushes my self-esteem.

My question is, does anyone else deal with this or is this more likely to be social anxiety?

Thank you for taking the time to read this


being self critical is not autistic

I'm irritating but I just don't care....i get bored a lot when around stuffy people

thats not autistic either

I have a low social iq, i was behind my same age peers in some ways but in front in others...i have a High iq intellectually around 143...

emotionally I'm a child

I don't care about social popularity and I get upset when I can't find my tickle....

it makes me weird

ill write you an a grade essay but have a meltdown when I can't find my tickle to rub

even my mum asked me if I could be more normal please

my answer was no



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30 Jun 2022, 10:18 am

Joe90 wrote:
I don't really feel that people hate me, as hate is such a strong word. But I feel like people (strangers) judge me, and that some people I know (colleagues, friends of friends) don't like me much or don't want to waste their time being my friend.


you talk too much

but you are interesting anyway



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30 Jun 2022, 10:19 am

stop being down on yourself

not allowed



Joe90
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01 Jul 2022, 4:39 am

Earthbound_Alien wrote:
Joe90 wrote:
I don't really feel that people hate me, as hate is such a strong word. But I feel like people (strangers) judge me, and that some people I know (colleagues, friends of friends) don't like me much or don't want to waste their time being my friend.


you talk too much

but you are interesting anyway


Come back when you're sober and you know what you're talking about.


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Vasco
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01 Jul 2022, 6:00 pm

I think it's your brain tricking you into believing that all people hate you.
Hate is a powerful emotion, and most people are just to busy to be actively hating 1 person out of 7 billion people.
Also, our brains are wired to be incredibly social, so it will trick their owners to thinking that they are hated, or separated from tribe(s), and cause undue pain.

Loneliness Promotes Inflammation During Acute Stress
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3825089/



Lizzie60
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02 Jul 2022, 9:27 am

Hate is a strong word but it sounds like you feel different or misunderstood which is understandable. I've just had autism confirmed recently at the ripe old age of 62 and it takes time to adjust and find people who get it ! Hang on in there! I've just read a wonderful book "Unmasking Autism" the author is an autistic academic. It really helped me to be kinder to myself. :D



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02 Jul 2022, 9:57 am

This is my default mode. :oops:


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