Not liking guys with Autism?

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kraftiekortie
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03 Jul 2022, 5:39 pm

He’s seen as being pretty attractive.



Jamesy
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03 Jul 2022, 5:48 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
He’s seen as being pretty attractive.



He’s 6’1 and I am a whisker under 5’8 though



Muse933277
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03 Jul 2022, 5:53 pm

Not everybody has the potential to be above average looking. A lot of your potential will be based on genetics which can't be changed. Factors such as your height, your general body build, whether you have a full head of hair, your voice, how well you put on muscle, and your facial features are all out of your control and can have a big impact on how attractive you are perceived and how much potential you have.


A 4 ft 11, naturally endomorphic, balding man, will never be conventionally attractive even with all the looksmaxx in the world. At best, he can be average or slightly below average looking. Maybe focusing on his appearance will take him from a 2 to a 4, but he'll probably never be a 7 or 8.

Where's someone with average height, good facial features, and decent muscle building genetics, definitely has the potential to become pretty good looking.



Jamesy
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03 Jul 2022, 5:59 pm

Muse933277 wrote:
Not everybody has the potential to be above average looking. A lot of your potential will be based on genetics which can't be changed. Factors such as your height, your general body build, whether you have a full head of hair, your voice, how well you put on muscle, and your facial features are all out of your control and can have a big impact on how attractive you are perceived and how much potential you have.


A 4 ft 11, naturally endomorphic, balding man, will never be conventionally attractive even with all the looksmaxx in the world. At best, he can be average or slightly below average looking. Maybe focusing on his appearance will take him from a 2 to a 4, but he'll probably never be a 7 or 8.

Where's someone with average height, good facial features, and decent muscle building genetics, definitely has the potential to become pretty good looking.



Well my brother has said to me a few times that I am not “great looking”

Not really sure what great looking means though?



nick007
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04 Jul 2022, 11:22 am

Fnord wrote:
Have you people really never heard of “googling” for your answers?

:roll:
No regular member here would need Google to figure this out. There's been numinous treads on here over the years by us autistic guys talking about how much we struggle getting girlfriends & plenty of reasons & theories about why it's so difficult for us have been mentioned.


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Muse933277
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04 Jul 2022, 12:10 pm

How much autism affects your dating life comes down to how attractive you are, and how autistic you come off.

If you’re a fairly cute, decent height, not overweight autistic guy that can pass for NT, then im sure finding a girlfriend isn’t that difficult.



Fnord
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04 Jul 2022, 12:15 pm

nick007 wrote:
Fnord wrote:
Have you people really never heard of “googling” for your answers?
No regular member here would need Google to figure this out. There's been numinous treads on here over the years by us autistic guys talking about how much we struggle getting girlfriends & plenty of reasons & theories about why it's so difficult for us have been mentioned.
My own searches turned up numerous outside sources, as well as the one inside source I cited. The hard part was sorting through all the “I can’t get a girlfriend” threads on this website to find even one that was not thorough pity-party.



Jamesy
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04 Jul 2022, 12:23 pm

Fnord wrote:
nick007 wrote:
Fnord wrote:
Have you people really never heard of “googling” for your answers?
No regular member here would need Google to figure this out. There's been numinous treads on here over the years by us autistic guys talking about how much we struggle getting girlfriends & plenty of reasons & theories about why it's so difficult for us have been mentioned.
My own searches turned up numerous outside sources, as well as the one inside source I cited. The hard part was sorting through all the “I can’t get a girlfriend” threads on this website to find even one that was not thorough pity-party.




I am sure you have felt depressed over struggling a girlfriend so I would not call these thread pity parties.



Muse933277
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04 Jul 2022, 3:01 pm

I was having a conversation with my dad about dating. He told me that when you're decent looking with decent social skills, finding a girlfriend isn't that hard. My dad was a 5 ft 10 neurotypical white male, who wasn't a "chad" but certainly wasn't disadvantaged in the dating market either, and he dated several girls throughout high school and college.

A part of how "easy" or "hard" dating is for you will be factors outside of your control. If you're fortunate enough to be average height, be a racial majority, and not have any major disability which would impact your chances, then yeah, finding a girlfriend isn't that hard. My dad as a 5 ft 10 neurotypical white male didn't have it that bad.


I can tell you right now that as a 5 ft 2 autistic male, dating was f*****g hard. I had ZERO control over my height and my autism; I rolled the dice the day I was conceived and landed on all 1s, that's the hand I was dealt. I was rejected all throughout high school and my twenties; rejection is the ONLY thing I ever knew from women for the first 1/3rd of my life and the only reason why things got better was because I went international.



Joe90
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04 Jul 2022, 3:15 pm

Jamesy wrote:
Can you give me a list of reasons why 'some' women don't like guys with autism?


OK. If Aspies like honesty, then here goes...

A lot of autistic guys are usually really desperate for a girlfriend, and some focus so much on getting a girlfriend that they don't think about how they're going to attract a girl, what they're going to offer, and how they're going to treat her. If the autistic guy does get himself a girlfriend, the novelty may wear off pretty quickly after a couple of weeks of the initial "OMG I'm so happy I have a girlfriend!" stage, and some autistic guys may sink back into their comforts, like if he likes videogames then he'll want to play those and may only want attention from the girl as and when he wants, but still wants the girl to stick around and be his girlfriend. But the girl starts to feel that she has to look after him, and if the autistic guy is the type to have a lot of meltdowns she might feel a bit frightened or that the romantic spark has died off when it's barely begun.

OK, I'm not generalising here, because there are a lot of autistic guys that don't fit the stereotype, but I am talking about some autistic guys with more prominent symptoms and that enjoy their special interests and have full-on autistic meltdowns but still want a girlfriend to be there.

It's not that they're undesirable, it's just that an autistic guy like in the example above would probably be better suited to girl with autism or other neurological differences such as downs syndrome or something, as some may expect less demand on the relationship.

NT guys can also lose interest in the girl quick and just want her there for sex or whatever while he pursues his interests or hobbies, but the difference there is that an NT guy may know how to attract a girl and manipulate her to stay with him and is just intending on being an as*hole. With a lot of autistic guys, they're not being as*holes, it's just part of their autism, but it can sometimes be tricky to fall in love, especially if the autistic guy struggles to form that emotional bond even though he really wants love.

OK, that is my explanation. Sorry if this post is a bit long but I wanted to explain everything as not to look like I'm tarring all autistic guys with the same brush because I am not. I just feel that may sometimes be the reason why a lot of autistic guys don't have a girlfriend, because some may lack the charm or flirtatious behaviour or whatever else that attracts girls.


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IsabellaLinton
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04 Jul 2022, 3:21 pm

Which parts of Autism do you think could be attractive to women, Jamesy?

Some autistic men are married or in very happy relationships, so they did attract partners.

If you can identify your best autism qualities you can highlight them when you meet people.

In terms of what people don't like about autism (any gender):

- A tendency to be high anxiety or high-maintenance regarding routines, sensory, social, etc.
- Not seeming comfortable or confident in social situations
- Sometimes overcompensating by masking, which appears fake or even pushy
- Asking the same questions repeatedly for validation



Raleigh
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04 Jul 2022, 3:37 pm

Some guys with autism go on about the same stuff ad nauseum, like a broken record. Its frustrating and gets boring fast.


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funeralxempire
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04 Jul 2022, 4:22 pm

Raleigh wrote:
Some guys with autism go on about the same stuff ad nauseum, like a broken record. Its frustrating and gets boring fast.


I figure everyone warms up to the story of the development of the Honda B-series engine after the 23rd retelling. Sometimes it takes about 40 times though. :nerdy:


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lostonearth35
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04 Jul 2022, 4:33 pm

What about autistic women? I know we're all supposed to be ugly and dress in plain, non-sexy clothes and not be as concerned about hygiene and superficial appearance. Also we're just plain weird. We'd rather talk about our pet frogs or guinea pigs than about "girl stuff". When I was a teenager most boys treated me like some kind of freak because I was obsessed over cartoons and always drawing them.



klanka
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04 Jul 2022, 5:13 pm

lostonearth35 wrote:
What about autistic women? I know we're all supposed to be ugly and dress in plain, non-sexy clothes and not be as concerned about hygiene and superficial appearance. Also we're just plain weird. We'd rather talk about our pet frogs or guinea pigs than about "girl stuff". When I was a teenager most boys treated me like some kind of freak because I was obsessed over cartoons and always drawing them.


I was involved with a girl who I suspect has autism and I liked her a lot. I met some others and most of them were attractive.



Jamesy
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04 Jul 2022, 5:32 pm

Lost of NT and autistic guys alike like girls who are on the spectrum.