You basically have to drink alcohol to be a normal adult

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auntblabby
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06 Jul 2022, 7:01 pm

why drink something that doesn't taste good?



cyberdad
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06 Jul 2022, 7:54 pm

I think there's a difference between social drinking and rampant alcoholism. There's also a difference between situational drinking (finding yourself in a social gathering that's conducive to having a tipple) and dependent drinking (sitting in your room alone drinking two bottles of vodka a night to cope with life).

Most NTs are capable of social drinking 1-2 drinks. The ability to have a social drink does open up doors socially because NT people who normally have their guard up around you become more amenable and pleasant when they have had 1-2 drinks.

If you insist on not drinking you can still make yourself a good friend by volunteering to keep an eye on your friends or volunteer to drive them home.



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07 Jul 2022, 10:46 am

UncannyDanny wrote:
So let me get this straight: those who chose to be a 'teetotaler', or be alcohol-free, for personal reasons as an adult are 'immature', while those who end up doing crazy things and not thinking clearly due to being high/drunk is not 'immature'?

Right, and I'm not autistic. :roll:


Hit the nail on the head there! :)


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Joe90
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07 Jul 2022, 11:45 am

KitLily wrote:
UncannyDanny wrote:
So let me get this straight: those who chose to be a 'teetotaler', or be alcohol-free, for personal reasons as an adult are 'immature', while those who end up doing crazy things and not thinking clearly due to being high/drunk is not 'immature'?

Right, and I'm not autistic. :roll:


Hit the nail on the head there! :)


It baffles me to no end. I've often got people be really incredulous when they found out I don't drink, like they can't get their heads around the fact that non-drinkers do exist.

See, this is what I mentioned in my thread about empathy and seeing different things from other people's perspectives. Some NTs just don't understand that not everyone wants to drink alcohol.


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Last edited by Joe90 on 07 Jul 2022, 2:21 pm, edited 1 time in total.

DanielW
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07 Jul 2022, 12:09 pm

Joe90 wrote:
It baffles me to no end. I've often got people be really incredulous when they found out I don't drink, like they can't get their heads around the fact that non-drinkers to exist.

See, this is what I mentioned in my thread about empathy and seeing different things from other people's perspectives. Some NTs just don't understand that not everyone wants to drink alcohol.


I think it bothers people who drink (particularly to excess) when others don't drink around them because it highlights their own problems with their use or misuse of alcohol.

"I'm not the one with the problem...you are"



orbweaver
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07 Jul 2022, 12:28 pm

DanielW wrote:
Joe90 wrote:
It baffles me to no end. I've often got people be really incredulous when they found out I don't drink, like they can't get their heads around the fact that non-drinkers to exist.

See, this is what I mentioned in my thread about empathy and seeing different things from other people's perspectives. Some NTs just don't understand that not everyone wants to drink alcohol.


I think it bothers people who drink (particularly to excess) when others don't drink around them because it highlights their own problems with their use or misuse of alcohol.

"I'm not the one with the problem...you are"


I think part of it is that normie NTs do their own kind of lower intensity form of masking... and normie NT culture assigns "intoxicants time" as when normie NTs get to unmask. What they say when they're drunk gets some pass and also they police other normie NTs less when they're drunk. If the normie NT says something racist to his or her coworkers while drunk, for example, they may be relying on the other people's drunkenness to get away with it.

I suspect that they are hearing "i need you to keep your work face on" from non-drinkers.

I am always surprised that I, a giant nerd who also has autism, have better sober socializing skills than many normie NTs do.

And I suspect one autist social failure mode is being seen as a "cop" by NTs, because of not getting that drunkenness is Sacred Unmasking Time for normies. ("Let my hair down" is how NT normies often describe their own version of unmasking.)

(I read a ton of recovery and addiction stuff before going into the autism diagnosis pipeline.)


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KitLily
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07 Jul 2022, 2:17 pm

orbweaver wrote:
I think part of it is that normie NTs do their own kind of lower intensity form of masking... and normie NT culture assigns "intoxicants time" as when normie NTs get to unmask. What they say when they're drunk gets some pass and also they police other normie NTs less when they're drunk. If the normie NT says something racist to his or her coworkers while drunk, for example, they may be relying on the other people's drunkenness to get away with it.

And I suspect one autist social failure mode is being seen as a "cop" by NTs, because of not getting that drunkenness is Sacred Unmasking Time for normies. ("Let my hair down" is how NT normies often describe their own version of unmasking.)


I think you're right. I have often heard this about introverts and extroverts too.

Extroverts seem to think that introverts are sitting there watching them, making notes, plotting and planning against them. But we aren't. Or at least most of us aren't. We're sitting there in our own world, thinking, imagining, worrying etc. I have no interest in watching or policing extroverts.

And I think it's the same with drinking, as you say. :)

I don't like alcohol. I don't like drinking it. I've started saying 'ugh, no thanks!' when people offer me alcohol, to put them off.

It has got easier as I've got older. In my teens and 20s I was judged horrendously for not drinking. Now I'm a little old lady in my 50s, no one cares :lol:


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07 Jul 2022, 6:50 pm

I don't tell people "I don't drink". I tell people "I am a teetotaler". It is better to "be a something" than "not be a something". I am NOT saying "I am not like you", which it mostly what upsets people, I am saying "I am happy to be, distinctly, myself".

My aunt used to say "Not now. Maybe later.". Most people didn't notice when "later" never came.

In a restaurant I might order a ginger-ale or iced tea. Once I tried to "mask" by ordering "ginger ale, no ice, please put it in a beer glass". It didn't work, the people sitting near me overheard and later needled me about it. (Perhaps the people a the other end of the table didn't notice what I said). At a party I can poor myself a ginger ale and most people don't care much what I am drinking as long as I have a glass in my hand. In college I used to drink Coke with Orange juice. It turns a horrible color, but it tastes very good. If someone asked me "WHAT are you drinking" I would look at the drink as if surprised to see it and say "It's a Ratchet Wrench" as if suddenly recalling the name of the drink. If a "Screwdriver" can be a drink, well then. . . .

The biggest problem with drinking Ratchet Wrenches all night is that you don't sleep well after. Which didn't bother me that much in college. Now . . . Ginger Ale is better for the stomach and for sleeping.

For older people, who might feel it is their duty as a host to have a favorite drink on hand I let them know that I prefer Canada Dry Ginger-Ale. In this way we both recognise the social custom, and no-one is offended. My father-in-law is proud to offer me Canada Dry when I visit.

Recently I told someone I was a "teetotaler" and they said "and how did you become a teetotaler?". I simply said "Oh, that's a long story, you don't want to hear that." And that was the end of it.

If pressed I will sometimes tell people "I had an uncle who was an alcoholic - once you see it ruin somebody's life it just doesn't seem like that much fun." Which is true.

My brother also doesn't drink, but he tells people he used to drink a lot when he was younger. Which is not true.

I find if you say it the right way most people don't press.

With one group of friends I meet with regularly, the host usually provides, one Red Wine, one White Wine and one non-alc, usually Martinelli's sparkling apple juice, or Welch's sparkling grape juice, both of which are very nice (some non-alc is awful). I'd say about a quarter to a third of the group choose the non-alc.


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07 Jul 2022, 7:43 pm

Quote:
If pressed I will sometimes tell people "I had an uncle who was an alcoholic - once you see it ruin somebody's life it just doesn't seem like that much fun." Which is true.


My grandfather abused his wife and children due to alcoholism, so practically wrecked my mum's childhood. Then he died of liver cancer.
My dad isn't an alcoholic but liked going on drinking binges when I was growing up, which caused problems for my parent's marriage.
My brother used to drink a bit when he was younger and it made him behave suicidal, which caused stress for me and my parents.
My boyfriend isn't an alcoholic but likes to drink sometimes which changes his personality and makes him become selfish and ignorant.
So my experiences with alcohol from loved ones isn't very good and so I just don't see the thrill in being drunk. In fact drunkness frightens me.

Quote:
My brother also doesn't drink, but he tells people he used to drink a lot when he was younger. Which is not true.

I sometimes tell people that I got drunk once when I was younger but didn't like it so never drank again (although I've never actually been drunk in my life). That sometimes does the trick.

I just wish alcohol, of any amount, didn't change people's brain functioning and instead just made you woozy, dizzy and unable to stand up straight, but still know what you're doing and saying and can remember being drunk. Then people wouldn't turn into unpredictable louts from the uncanny valley or turn on their loved ones or say stupid things or whatever else people do when drunk.

A work colleague went out a couple of weeks ago and posted a really embarrassing video of himself naked and dribbling and saying really stupid weird stuff. He didn't remember posting it on Facebook and felt mortified with himself when he saw it the next morning, but I didn't have sympathy for him. And putting toxins like that into your body that makes you do such ridiculous things is that appealing to most humans is it? :scratch:


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funeralxempire
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07 Jul 2022, 7:51 pm

UncannyDanny wrote:
So let me get this straight: those who chose to be a 'teetotaler', or be alcohol-free, for personal reasons as an adult are 'immature', while those who end up doing crazy things and not thinking clearly due to being high/drunk is not 'immature'?

Right, and I'm not autistic. :roll:


Generally both of those would be seen as immature, not making an ass of yourself no matter how wrecked you get, and having the awareness of your limits to not get to that point in the first place is 'mature'.

Teetotaler: You must be immature, you lack experience.
Shitfaced: You must be immature, you either lack or fail to learn from experience.


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07 Jul 2022, 8:23 pm

Plenty of people that appear over 18 loiter around on the street all day long where I live

Driving and alcohol have age quotas

Loitering is a nondiscriminatory activity that anyone could do, legally and without a license, regardless of age

:mrgreen:



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07 Jul 2022, 8:27 pm

shortfatbalduglyman wrote:
Loitering is a nondiscriminatory activity that anyone could do, legally and without a license, regardless of age

:mrgreen:


That's not quite true, the more expensive your clothes the less likely your loitering will have a bill.

Suddenly pimp outfits make a lot more sense. 8O


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Dial1194
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08 Jul 2022, 12:20 am

I sometimes wonder if I go through life being perpetually slightly knurd.



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08 Jul 2022, 6:07 pm

There's nothing wrong with not liking alcohol!
It's everyone else who has a problem, not you, Joe.

I think this must be very local or cultural. To be honest, the most alcohol I've ever had in my life... was at synagogue. (There's wine on some holidays.)

Back in college, I only had a handful of fruity alcoholic beverages. My friends had other hobbies, like board games or talking about books. As an older adult don't drink at all, (synagogue excepted), nor do I feel embarrassed about it. Sometimes my in-laws have wine at dinner, but they know I prefer water. It's no big deal. I still have other hobbies, like gardening/books/kids/biking.



cyberdad
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08 Jul 2022, 9:35 pm

orbweaver wrote:
I think part of it is that normie NTs do their own kind of lower intensity form of masking... and normie NT culture assigns "intoxicants time" as when normie NTs get to unmask.


This is approx correct. In more NT speech we would say "letting our hair down" or "cutting loose".

orbweaver wrote:
What they say when they're drunk gets some pass and also they police other normie NTs less when they're drunk. If the normie NT says something racist to his or her coworkers while drunk, for example, they may be relying on the other people's drunkenness to get away with it.


hmmm not really. These days getting intoxicated at work functions is a big "no no".



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08 Jul 2022, 9:37 pm

Pteranomom wrote:
There's nothing wrong with not liking alcohol!
It's everyone else who has a problem, not you, Joe.

I think this must be very local or cultural. To be honest, the most alcohol I've ever had in my life... was at synagogue. (There's wine on some holidays.)

Back in college, I only had a handful of fruity alcoholic beverages. My friends had other hobbies, like board games or talking about books. As an older adult don't drink at all, (synagogue excepted), nor do I feel embarrassed about it. Sometimes my in-laws have wine at dinner, but they know I prefer water. It's no big deal. I still have other hobbies, like gardening/books/kids/biking.


Let's face it. In college or university not drinking does limit your social currency. I myself was limited because I didn't have a part time job so couldn't afford alcohol and it cost be socially big time.