I dislike socialization but I crave it so badly

Page 1 of 2 [ 20 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2  Next

spicyjelly
Emu Egg
Emu Egg

User avatar

Joined: 22 Jul 2022
Age: 26
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 8
Location: USA

22 Jul 2022, 5:11 am

Hello. I'm newly diagnosed and wow has that put a lot of pieces together. I'm also new to this forum, thanks for having me.

I've been having an issue, especially lately, with craving socialization even though it's such an anxiety inducing experience. I don't even know why I want to hang out with people. I love being by myself!

I also feel inadequate. I'm not good at talking. I either stay stone-faced or I never shut up. I feel so off-putting to others, especially after the interaction. I overanalyze every single thing I said during aforementioned interaction. (Yes, I am dx'd with anxiety!) It's an overall tiring, unsatisfying event that triggers a "self roast session," if you will.

Then, (yes folks, there's more!) I will distance myself from the people I hung out with because I'm convinced that they hate me. Which just adds to the whole "want more but hate social interaction" cycle that I'm talking about!

I'm unsure if I want advice at this time. I think I just want to know if others feel this way so I don't feel like I'm alone. Also maybe I just wanted to vent about it too... (Yeah, definitely that! Lol.)



KitLily
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 7 Jan 2021
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,550
Location: England

22 Jul 2022, 5:18 am

:D Yes. I feel the same as you. All I want is a group of say, 6 friends to share experiences with, but finding them has been too difficult and I never have done so.

I was just thinking today that The Big Bang Theory would be my ideal life: 4 couples with a few satellite friends, who are all nerdy and socially awkward. That would be bliss.

I am also fairly new here, even though it says Veteran on my description for some reason.


_________________
I am here for interesting, meaningful discussions and thoughtful, rewarding conversations. I very quickly lose interest in long, drawn-out arguments.
***
I'm sorry if I get you mixed up with other people, I'm not good at telling people apart. Just remind me of our last conversation then I'll know who you are.


spicyjelly
Emu Egg
Emu Egg

User avatar

Joined: 22 Jul 2022
Age: 26
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 8
Location: USA

22 Jul 2022, 5:47 am

KitLily wrote:
:D Yes. I feel the same as you. All I want is a group of say, 6 friends to share experiences with, but finding them has been too difficult and I never have done so.

I was just thinking today that The Big Bang Theory would be my ideal life: 4 couples with a few satellite friends, who are all nerdy and socially awkward. That would be bliss.

I am also fairly new here, even though it says Veteran on my description for some reason.


Hi there! Your response is appreciated!! :heart:

It's so hard! Like, I have potential friend candidates, but my brain like to be self deprecating and to sabotage.
The social anxiety part really kills it all for me. It's just so exhausting and a downright bad time. I kinda want to whip my brain like, "No, bad brain! Either like being social or don't! Stop being mean no matter what we try!" - lololol.


_________________
"I'm not trapped here with you. You're trapped here with me."


KitLily
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 7 Jan 2021
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,550
Location: England

22 Jul 2022, 5:53 am

spicyjelly wrote:
Hi there! Your response is appreciated!! :heart:

It's so hard! Like, I have potential friend candidates, but my brain like to be self deprecating and to sabotage.
The social anxiety part really kills it all for me. It's just so exhausting and a downright bad time. I kinda want to whip my brain like, "No, bad brain! Either like being social or don't! Stop being mean no matter what we try!" - lololol.


*waving* It's so hard to know what to do in a social situation isn't it. There are all these unspoken rules to follow, or break :(

I find that I think I've made a friend then one of these things happens:
1. Things are going fine, then I get upset/ have a meltdown about something and the friend runs away screaming.
2. I ask if they'd like to go out for coffee and they say 'sorry, who are you again?'
3. Things are going fine, then they suddenly say 'what you said the other day was so awful, I hate you now' and drop me. I rarely find out what it was I said. Occasionally I do find out and say 'no, I meant A, not B. Why on earth did you think I meant B?'
4. Things are going fine, then they just lose interest for no reason I can see.

So, I find myself with 1 friend at the moment. She is really nice but we don't have much in common e.g. politically.


_________________
I am here for interesting, meaningful discussions and thoughtful, rewarding conversations. I very quickly lose interest in long, drawn-out arguments.
***
I'm sorry if I get you mixed up with other people, I'm not good at telling people apart. Just remind me of our last conversation then I'll know who you are.


shortfatbalduglyman
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 4 Mar 2017
Age: 38
Gender: Male
Posts: 8,801

23 Jul 2022, 2:50 pm

Paradox

I feel the same way too



funeralxempire
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Oct 2014
Age: 37
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 17,924
Location: I'm right here

23 Jul 2022, 2:50 pm

Relatable, no solutions though.


_________________
You can't buy happiness; steal it.
戦争ではなく戦争と戦う


KitLily
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 7 Jan 2021
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,550
Location: England

24 Jul 2022, 4:19 am

funeralxempire wrote:
Relatable, no solutions though.


I think basically humans have become cyborgs. We interact more with our devices than with other humans. The devices are more interesting, so we have lost interest in other humans and don't make friends anymore.


_________________
I am here for interesting, meaningful discussions and thoughtful, rewarding conversations. I very quickly lose interest in long, drawn-out arguments.
***
I'm sorry if I get you mixed up with other people, I'm not good at telling people apart. Just remind me of our last conversation then I'll know who you are.


DuckHairback
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Jan 2021
Age: 43
Gender: Male
Posts: 836
Location: Dorset

25 Jul 2022, 8:32 am

KitLily wrote:
funeralxempire wrote:
Relatable, no solutions though.


I think basically humans have become cyborgs. We interact more with our devices than with other humans. The devices are more interesting, so we have lost interest in other humans and don't make friends anymore.


Hmm, I think all our interactions with devices are essentially mimicking the interactions we'd otherwise have with human beings. The difference being is that all the dangerous elements are removed. By dangerous I mean the aspects that can cause us psychological distress. That's why social media is popular, because it allows people a (false) sense of control over how they are perceived by others, because they can curate what others see of them. Games replicate real life increasingly accurately, but maintain a rule and reward structure that's absent from real life. Online dating allows people to evaluate each other (again, falsely) without actually having to invest any time or effort into it. It seems to me that technology seeks to put a safety barrier between ourselves and others. We're reaching into the real world through technology as if it's inside a perspex box and our devices are the rubber gloves that are attached to the outside.



klanka
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 31 Mar 2022
Age: 44
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,201
Location: Cardiff, Wales

25 Jul 2022, 9:09 am

I don't like group social situations at all.
When I had one-on-one time with a woman I liked , as in just talking, it was great.



KitLily
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 7 Jan 2021
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,550
Location: England

25 Jul 2022, 9:23 am

DuckHairback wrote:
KitLily wrote:
I think basically humans have become cyborgs. We interact more with our devices than with other humans. The devices are more interesting, so we have lost interest in other humans and don't make friends anymore.


Hmm, I think all our interactions with devices are essentially mimicking the interactions we'd otherwise have with human beings. The difference being is that all the dangerous elements are removed. By dangerous I mean the aspects that can cause us psychological distress. That's why social media is popular, because it allows people a (false) sense of control over how they are perceived by others, because they can curate what others see of them. Games replicate real life increasingly accurately, but maintain a rule and reward structure that's absent from real life. Online dating allows people to evaluate each other (again, falsely) without actually having to invest any time or effort into it. It seems to me that technology seeks to put a safety barrier between ourselves and others. We're reaching into the real world through technology as if it's inside a perspex box and our devices are the rubber gloves that are attached to the outside.


Exactly. We can't have genuine, warm, fulfilling connections through devices or rubber gloves. So we're getting more and more isolated from real humans. It's not good.

Pre internet, people were a lot more real in all their flaws and virtues. And we could handle that! Now we can't, and if we have a real life interaction that doesn't go well, we go scurrying back to the safe virtual world.

We are cyborgs.


_________________
I am here for interesting, meaningful discussions and thoughtful, rewarding conversations. I very quickly lose interest in long, drawn-out arguments.
***
I'm sorry if I get you mixed up with other people, I'm not good at telling people apart. Just remind me of our last conversation then I'll know who you are.


PhosphorusDecree
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 3 May 2016
Age: 42
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,823
Location: Yorkshire, UK

25 Jul 2022, 9:43 am

I get on best with other people when we're actually doing something, like playing a game or making music. I can be far more spontaneous and friendly that way. The annoying paradox, though, is that all this activity is likely to overstimulate me.


_________________
"Your silence speaks volumes to your interest, so I'll keep talking about this a lot."


KitLily
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 7 Jan 2021
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,550
Location: England

25 Jul 2022, 9:46 am

PhosphorusDecree wrote:
I get on best with other people when we're actually doing something, like playing a game or making music. I can be far more spontaneous and friendly that way. The annoying paradox, though, is that all this activity is likely to overstimulate me.


You are so right. Just 'socialising' is far too tiring. Doing an activity shows off our talents, virtues and humour.


_________________
I am here for interesting, meaningful discussions and thoughtful, rewarding conversations. I very quickly lose interest in long, drawn-out arguments.
***
I'm sorry if I get you mixed up with other people, I'm not good at telling people apart. Just remind me of our last conversation then I'll know who you are.


kraftiekortie
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 Feb 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 85,119
Location: Queens, NYC

25 Jul 2022, 10:31 am

Yep....I like that better, too. Playing board games. As for making music, forget about it, since I don't play an instrument.



KitLily
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 7 Jan 2021
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,550
Location: England

25 Jul 2022, 12:34 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
Yep....I like that better, too. Playing board games. As for making music, forget about it, since I don't play an instrument.


My family and the neighbours used to play Cluedo, and as my friends' parents were actors, we took different parts and really hammed it up. I played Miss Scarlet (a flirtatious Southern Belle), my friend's dad played Colonel Mustard (a very posh English gentleman), my friend's mum played Mrs White (the Cockney housekeeper) my friends played Professor Plum (very eccentric and forgetful) and Reverend Green (highly religious). It was so hilarious. Those were the days!


_________________
I am here for interesting, meaningful discussions and thoughtful, rewarding conversations. I very quickly lose interest in long, drawn-out arguments.
***
I'm sorry if I get you mixed up with other people, I'm not good at telling people apart. Just remind me of our last conversation then I'll know who you are.


DuckHairback
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Jan 2021
Age: 43
Gender: Male
Posts: 836
Location: Dorset

25 Jul 2022, 2:00 pm

KitLily wrote:
kraftiekortie wrote:
Yep....I like that better, too. Playing board games. As for making music, forget about it, since I don't play an instrument.


My family and the neighbours used to play Cluedo, and as my friends' parents were actors, we took different parts and really hammed it up. I played Miss Scarlet (a flirtatious Southern Belle), my friend's dad played Colonel Mustard (a very posh English gentleman), my friend's mum played Mrs White (the Cockney housekeeper) my friends played Professor Plum (very eccentric and forgetful) and Reverend Green (highly religious). It was so hilarious. Those were the days!


Much like the thread title - this sounds absolutely awesome to me and in theory very appealing but if I actually had to be in a room with it and participate...that'd be a shutdown scenario.



KitLily
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 7 Jan 2021
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,550
Location: England

25 Jul 2022, 2:34 pm

DuckHairback wrote:
Much like the thread title - this sounds absolutely awesome to me and in theory very appealing but if I actually had to be in a room with it and participate...that'd be a shutdown scenario.


No, you wouldn't. It wasn't as crazy as it sounds, we were all friends. You could have sat quietly and watched if you wanted to :D


_________________
I am here for interesting, meaningful discussions and thoughtful, rewarding conversations. I very quickly lose interest in long, drawn-out arguments.
***
I'm sorry if I get you mixed up with other people, I'm not good at telling people apart. Just remind me of our last conversation then I'll know who you are.