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Jamesy
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02 Aug 2022, 9:40 am

This guy in my close social circle at the pub (who is 74) said to me not to long ago regarding me hanging out with a different social group (who are my own age range) "I would not bother with the other group because you have to make all the effort to contact and approach them first".


Do you think my older friend is right?



klanka
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02 Aug 2022, 9:44 am

Impossible to say :lol:

I enjoy your threads though I have to admit :D :D



DanielW
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02 Aug 2022, 9:46 am

by that logic, no one would ever have any friends. So, no you're friend is not right.



Fnord
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02 Aug 2022, 9:55 am

Jamesy wrote:
This guy in my close social circle at the pub (who is 74) said to me not to long ago regarding me hanging out with a different social group (who are my own age range) "I would not bother with the other group because you have to make all the effort to contact and approach them first". Do you think my older friend is right?
We do not know you, we do not know your friend, and we do not know the people with whom you hang out.

Therefore, we cannot answer your question without engaging in useless speculation.



Jamesy
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02 Aug 2022, 10:29 am

Fnord wrote:
Jamesy wrote:
This guy in my close social circle at the pub (who is 74) said to me not to long ago regarding me hanging out with a different social group (who are my own age range) "I would not bother with the other group because you have to make all the effort to contact and approach them first". Do you think my older friend is right?
We do not know you, we do not know your friend, and we do not know the people with whom you hang out.

Therefore, we cannot answer your question without engaging in useless speculation.




I can always trust you to say something constructive :roll:



babybird
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02 Aug 2022, 11:32 am

How did you feel about what he said



KitLily
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02 Aug 2022, 11:37 am

There is a thing called Reciprocity, which means to only make as much effort with people as they make with you. So if they only contact you once a month, you only contact them once a month. If they contact you once a day, you contact them once a day.

Of course this applies only if you WANT to contact people that often, it's up to you. If they are pestering you once a day, only contact them when you want to.

I had a friend who sent me about 20 emails a day, it was overwhelming. So I didn't reply to all of them every day.

I suppose 'do as you would be done by' is similar.


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Fnord
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02 Aug 2022, 11:42 am

Jamesy wrote:
Fnord wrote:
Jamesy wrote:
This guy in my close social circle at the pub (who is 74) said to me not to long ago regarding me hanging out with a different social group (who are my own age range) "I would not bother with the other group because you have to make all the effort to contact and approach them first". Do you think my older friend is right?
We do not know you, we do not know your friend, and we do not know the people with whom you hang out.  Therefore, we cannot answer your question without engaging in useless speculation.
I can always trust you to say something constructive.
What did you expect?  Pretty little lies, all wrapped up and tied with a bow?

You will not get that from me, especially when you present only your side of a situation and ask questions for which the answers should be be obvious only to you and the people directly involved.



klanka
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02 Aug 2022, 12:12 pm

Well, when I first read the OP I did get the impression that the 74 year old was saying that so you wouldnt go off with the other group.



babybird
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02 Aug 2022, 12:31 pm

Fnord wrote:
Jamesy wrote:
Fnord wrote:
Jamesy wrote:
This guy in my close social circle at the pub (who is 74) said to me not to long ago regarding me hanging out with a different social group (who are my own age range) "I would not bother with the other group because you have to make all the effort to contact and approach them first". Do you think my older friend is right?
We do not know you, we do not know your friend, and we do not know the people with whom you hang out.  Therefore, we cannot answer your question without engaging in useless speculation.
I can always trust you to say something constructive.
What did you expect?  Pretty little lies, all wrapped up and tied with a bow?

You will not get that from me, especially when you present only your side of a situation and ask questions for which the answers should be be obvious only to you and the people directly involved.


I agree. Its as if people just say random things to him in the pub. I'm pretty certain there must be a conversation around these statements to where he would know what the other person means.



Fnord
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02 Aug 2022, 12:37 pm

babybird wrote:
Fnord wrote:
Jamesy wrote:
Fnord wrote:
Jamesy wrote:
This guy in my close social circle at the pub (who is 74) said to me not to long ago regarding me hanging out with a different social group (who are my own age range) "I would not bother with the other group because you have to make all the effort to contact and approach them first". Do you think my older friend is right?
We do not know you, we do not know your friend, and we do not know the people with whom you hang out.  Therefore, we cannot answer your question without engaging in useless speculation.
I can always trust you to say something constructive.
What did you expect?  Pretty little lies, all wrapped up and tied with a bow?  You will not get that from me, especially when you present only your side of a situation and ask questions for which the answers should be be obvious only to you and the people directly involved.
I agree. Its as if people just say random things to him in the pub. I'm pretty certain there must be a conversation around these statements to where he would know what the other person means.
It is also as if he places importance on the random things people say to him in the pub.  Pub talk is worthless.



temp1234
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03 Aug 2022, 7:52 am

Probably that 74-year-old friend kept seeing you try to be included in that younger group without much success? He probably thinks that that group of younger people are cliquey and you had better not waste your time trying to be friends with them? If that's what your 74-year-old friend means, then I tend to agree with him.



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03 Aug 2022, 7:58 am

Sometimes, you do have to make the “first move.”

As to your question: it depends.



Jamesy
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03 Aug 2022, 9:00 am

Majority of people my own age don't want include me in there friendship groups but people over 40 except me a lot more :?



babybird
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03 Aug 2022, 10:54 am

Why do you want to be included with people who obviously don't want to include you.



Jamesy
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03 Aug 2022, 11:16 am

babybird wrote:
Why do you want to be included with people who obviously don't want to include you.



Because I would actually like to have some friends who are my own age for once.


I mean how would you feel if all your friends and also love interests we elderly compared to you?