How to get new friends for a better social life

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Marco1701
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11 Aug 2022, 6:57 pm

Hello! I’m posting this on here because I don’t really know where else to vent it to because no one else really understands this issue. (For context I’m in my early 20s).

Anyway, I have autism and the few friends I’ve got have it too (2 out of 4 as far as I’m aware).

Don’t get me wrong I still go out, but not as much as I want and it’s such a conflict in my mind because I know other people who are autistic that have no one, and here’s me frustrated when I have people I can go to and meet up with but not as much as I’d like. I meet up with friends for a drink every 2/3 weeks (rough estimate), but I compare myself to others on social media and I see the same people out with friends every weekend and I envy it because my friends aren’t like that. I haven’t even been abroad on a lads holiday yet with them and it just frustrates me because I don’t want to grow old and feel like I missed out on anything.

All in all, I just want friends that are more outgoing but I don’t really know how to go about it.



kraftiekortie
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11 Aug 2022, 7:11 pm

How well do you get along with the people you "go out for drinks" with?

I don't give a flying fig what "social media" shows. For all we know, these people talking about meeting once a week for drinks or whatever could be BS-ing.

Ever since I could remember, I never liked socializing with more than maybe a couple of people----and preferably with one person. I was sometimes lonely------but, as I look back on it, I did all right.



Marco1701
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11 Aug 2022, 7:19 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
How well do you get along with the people you "go out for drinks" with?

I don't give a flying fig what "social media" shows. For all we know, these people talking about meeting once a week for drinks or whatever could be BS-ing.

Ever since I could remember, I never liked socializing with more than maybe a couple of people----and preferably with one person. I was sometimes lonely------but, as I look back on it, I did all right.


I know that I have a good set of friends, there’s never any drama etc etc. I used to not be as bothered about socialising as much when I was younger but now I’m dependent on it as I’ve kinda grown out of my autism, just wish I could let it go a bit more lol



uncommondenominator
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19 Aug 2022, 4:44 pm

Most social media is fake, one way or another. It is designed to make you feel like you're "missing out". Advertisers want you to feel like you're "missing out" on their services to get you to spend money on them. Influencers want you to feel like you're "missing out" on the same experience as them, cos that gets you to use their sponsors, thus benefitting them. And the general public wants you to think they're always having the time of their lives, cos it looks good, looks popular, people envy it. Every video is the perfect moment, every picture is the best pose, the best light, etc.

Don't let social media set the standard for what constitutes a "full life". Not all experiences are for everyone, and it's pretty difficult to do EVERYTHING there is to do. Sometimes we miss out on things, and that's ok. Socializing isn't a contest. A social life that has one doing more, but not enjoying it, is not "better", imo.



StrayCat81
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19 Aug 2022, 7:12 pm

Marco1701 wrote:
All in all, I just want friends that are more outgoing but I don’t really know how to go about it.

Be rich, pretty, powerful, and give out a lot of narcissistic supply? Last one seems super important if you cannot do first three, even autists are highly narcissistic, so the more flattery you give out (just make it believable), the more popular you will be? :3



delvian
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20 Aug 2022, 7:14 am

I didn't realise I was autistic until relatively recently and I'm 31. But it's funny because looking back, I realise all the people I've formed good friendships with in the past were neurodivergent too, and the ones that have lasted are all autistic. I currently live in quite an isolated area, but all going well I'll be moving to another part of the country next year, and when I do, I'm going to try to meet more autistic people irl. So we'll see how that goes lol.

Do you think you get along better with other autistics too?



Marco1701
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20 Aug 2022, 9:13 pm

delvian wrote:
Do you think you get along better with other autistics too?


Yeah I generally do because the friendships I have at the moment have lasted for about a decade and they’re autistic



delvian
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21 Aug 2022, 6:09 am

I live in a pretty isolated part of Scotland right now but I'm planning to move next year and hoping I might find an autism social group and maybe connect with some new people. I know there's a few groups like that here and there. Would you like something like that if there was one near you?