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dakosey
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13 Aug 2022, 11:43 pm

Hello, is there often a lack of purpose in life in people with autism? Once upon a time I had dreams and a lot of plans for what I would like to do in my life. I've had a bad mood for some time and I don't know how to deal with it.



temp1234
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14 Aug 2022, 12:53 am

Sounds like depression. I have times like that, too. You had better get it treated. When you are depressed, nothing feels worth doing. Even everyday fun things don't feel like fun.

Due to difficulty interacting with people, I feel that it's impossible to achieve any of my dreams even if I have the intellectual capabilities. Now that I got an ASD diagnosis, I'm trying to find a way around some problems. Maybe you can try the same?



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14 Aug 2022, 6:39 am

One's plans (expectations) can be built on assumptions that do not go as expected. When that happens, it can leave a void in one's life. Some people make plans that involve contingencies like a "plan B".

Unanticipated changes can be more difficult for us with Aspergers because there can be a higher degree of comfort derived from something expected.

Some people are propelled in life on a trajectory like college, career, marriage, retirement, etc. If this is interrupted, one can face a high degree of uncertainty. Often what is exposed is the absence of a reason for living.

There are two basic reasons to live. One is to consume (a life lived for self). The other is to give (a life lived for others). Usually people who get married find that they end up living for their children. They are sort of placed into a life lived for others as a result of biological and emotional drives. They may not have given any thought to it, but adjust to this life anyway.

In a society with delayed marriage and the choice to have children or not, Many people find no reason not to live a life of consumption and selfishness. However, like alcoholism and drug abuse, this life does not often have a satisfactory conclusion.

Many people turn to religion when they feel empty or find no meaning in life. Considering the many ways Christianity has been presented poorly, if you have been exposed to a Christian tradition and found it falling short, you may consider seeing if there is anything in it that could be useful. Some have tried to strip away many of the human contributions to Christianity like this web site;

http://christianpioneer.com/

However, if you are inclined to other religions, there are probably similar web sites that can help you past the poor ways they are presented as well.

If your "bad mood" has a physiological basis, you may find experimenting to diet, nutrition, or supplements a way to see if things can be made better.



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14 Aug 2022, 6:55 am

I guess it depends how you feel about having no targets. My only real "targets" were to survive, to keep myself and loved ones as comfortable as possible, to try and have some fun here and there, and to sing and play music well. But I've rarely felt bad about that. I never really wanted to map out my future in any greater detail. I get a lot out of working towards a result but there's no particularly conscious long-term plan about it. I don't have a very good sense of future so I just focus on neutralising immediate threats and acquiring whatever treats seem within my reach. I tend to play a rather defensive game, and mostly I seem to find myself working on shoring up things that look in need of shoring up.

The biggest and most long-term goals I ever had were to find a good relationship and to save up my salary so I could quit the job early, because I only did the job for the money and felt I'd be happier and more free if I left. I didn't do any planning as such to find a good relationship though, and saving up in order to quit the job was a pretty simple plan - live frugally and calculate how much I needed to accumulate before it seemed safe to leave.

But if having no targets bothers you a lot, then it's a problem. I'm only bothered by having no targets when I'm being very inactive - bored and unhappy but seemingly incapable of doing anything about it. That seems to happen when external circumstances aren't offering any good solutions to my problems. I get despondent and my confidence drops. But as soon as I happen to notice a promising way of going about solving a problem, I start working on it and my mood improves. As long as I can see how to solve it without years of effort and risk, I usually succeed, and I think a lot of my self-esteem comes from noticing that I've got a good result and proved I'm fairly able.

I don't really need life to have any great meaning or pre-ordained purpose beyond that. I see human life as a somewhat messy accident of nature, and I just try to make the best of it.



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14 Aug 2022, 11:35 am

I also had high hopes when I was young.

As I got older my viewpoint changed. Rather than seeking specific goals I began thinking in terms of making positive progress toward "better" (not in terms of health but rather in things like financial security and professional growth).

I may not have reached a specific destination but, over time, my personal situation definitely improved.

And I was unhappy...a lot. Mostly, I sort of got used to it. :-|


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dakosey
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15 Aug 2022, 12:42 am

Thank you, guys.... It always seemed to me that I was created for a higher purpose, I want to find a calling or a mission. I have often wondered how most of the people I meet in my life lead a boring, gray everyday life without deeply considering how to make the world a better place. It is known that greed and are a common trait of society all over the world, but if everyone tried make their best, people would live better.
PS: In opinion of many people on society , autistic peopleare naive and childish. This hurt a little bit, but if something stupid is working, it ain't stupid.



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15 Aug 2022, 9:56 am

dakosey wrote:
Thank you, guys.... It always seemed to me that I was created for a higher purpose, I want to find a calling or a mission.
A good aspiration. I will add, though, that along the way some surprise opportunities to be wonderful might appear...keep your eyes open!


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15 Aug 2022, 12:27 pm

Until 18 or so, my worthless corpse had high goals, plans, and other forms of BS.

After flunking college, getting made redundant numerous times, evictions (plural), social rejections, clinical depression and autism diagnoses, I've failed everything already and don't have the emotional resilience to proceed

"You can't make a silk purse out of a sows ear"



timf
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15 Aug 2022, 1:10 pm

Ambition is the drive that keeps us going. However, one should question the ambition to do or be ...what?

People most commonly use wealth, social or employment position, or other worldly metric to determine "success".

40 years ago a woman came up to me and said, "You probably don't remember me, but you once talked me out of getting an abortion. My little girl is two years old now." I may not have been the first person to walk on the moon, but to me there is a great deal of "success" in making a difference in the life of just one person.