Failure to find a girlfriend

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kraftiekortie
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26 Aug 2022, 6:16 pm

Noamx wrote:
I have a few new questions for you all, I hope you can answer.

1) What situations I should wait for woman to talk to me first, or there are never such situations and I should always be first?

2) If at the end of the conversation I asked for her phone number and she wasnt interested and didnt give the number, should I ask why or better off stay ignorant and not try to find out why?

3) If she gave me her phone number after a successful conversation, should I call 3 hours later, or 1 hour later, or 1 day later, or 3 days later... or when?

4) If I'm confused about whether to call her or send a whatsapp message / facebook message / and so on, should I ask what she prefers, or simply decide by myself about it?

5) If I called her and she didnt answer, should I leave a message to let her know I was looking for her, or just leave it at that and hope she have seen the missed call and call back later?

6) If she says she has a boyfriend, is it worth finding out if its true or not, or just forget her and move forward without trying to find out these things?



(1) It depends on the situation.

(2) Don't ask her why she rejected you.

(3) Maybe 1 day later. Certainly not right away. Unless you both established an excellent rapport.

(4) Yes, ask her what she prefers.

(5) Just say you were calling to say "hello." Don't tell her you were "looking for her."

(6) If she says she has a boyfriend, don't pursue the matter at all. It's a lost cause. It's none of your business whether she has a boyfriend or not.



Twilightprincess
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26 Aug 2022, 6:25 pm

Noamx wrote:
I have a few new questions for you all, I hope you can answer.

1) What situations I should wait for woman to talk to me first, or there are never such situations and I should always be first?
You’ve asked this already, maybe in a different thread. Either person can talk first. It doesn’t matter.

Quote:
2) If at the end of the conversation I asked for her phone number and she wasnt interested and didnt give the number, should I ask why or better off stay ignorant and not try to find out why?
This has already been covered. DON’T ASK. You will look pushy, and she’ll probably feel uncomfortable. People don’t have to explain why they aren’t interested in you.

Quote:
3) If she gave me her phone number after a successful conversation, should I call 3 hours later, or 1 hour later, or 1 day later, or 3 days later... or when?
I don’t know. It probably depends on how interested she seems. I, personally, think 3 days is too long. An hour may be too soon.

Quote:
4) If I'm confused about whether to call her or send a whatsapp message / facebook message / and so on, should I ask what she prefers, or simply decide by myself about it?
Do whatever you feel comfortable with at the time.

Quote:
5) If I called her and she didnt answer, should I leave a message to let her know I was looking for her, or just leave it at that and hope she have seen the missed call and call back later?
People do both. You might want to leave a message. If she doesn’t respond, it should be clear that she’s not interested.

Quote:
6) If she says she has a boyfriend, is it worth finding out if its true or not, or just forget her and move forward without trying to find out these things?
8O Why in the world do you think it would be a good idea to find out if it’s true or not? In either case, she’s not interested in you. You should respect that if your goal is to respect women.


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r00tb33r
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26 Aug 2022, 6:27 pm

Mona Pereth wrote:
r00tb33r wrote:
I personally don't have a grasp on the concept of friendship. It's completely alien to me.

That's a problem, it seems to me.

Not everyone agrees with me on this, but, in my experience, a good romantic relationship is everything a good friendship is, plus more. Therefore, if you don't understand friendship, that in itself would make it extremely difficult to have a good romantic relationship, it seems to me. IMO, trying to have a romantic relationship without understanding friendship is a little like trying to do calculus without yet having had algebra.

Don't mean to be rude but your post has everything but your actual interpretation of a friendship.

I wasn't exactly born yesterday, but over time I found the term to be overly broad and murky. Over the years I decided that I had many acquaintances but I was never a friend to anybody. I feel that distinction is very important.

I've been overly eager to be loyal to people, later finding my commitment to be a mistake. I've helped people, only later to feel like I was used. Or the other way around, I felt guilty for not being more committed when I should have. I am not able to carry conversations so it limits my interactions with people to interest-based or task-based exchanges.

There have been only two people in my life with whom I can be completely random, and yet completely appropriate. She doesn't speak to me anymore... And the other being my cousin.


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Last edited by r00tb33r on 26 Aug 2022, 6:44 pm, edited 1 time in total.

klanka
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26 Aug 2022, 6:35 pm

I think, judging from your questions, you need more experience. Do you go out Friday/Saturday nights?



IsabellaLinton
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26 Aug 2022, 6:40 pm

Noamx wrote:
I have a few new questions for you all, I hope you can answer.

1) What situations I should wait for woman to talk to me first, or there are never such situations and I should always be first?

2) If at the end of the conversation I asked for her phone number and she wasnt interested and didnt give the number, should I ask why or better off stay ignorant and not try to find out why?

3) If she gave me her phone number after a successful conversation, should I call 3 hours later, or 1 hour later, or 1 day later, or 3 days later... or when?

4) If I'm confused about whether to call her or send a whatsapp message / facebook message / and so on, should I ask what she prefers, or simply decide by myself about it?

5) If I called her and she didnt answer, should I leave a message to let her know I was looking for her, or just leave it at that and hope she have seen the missed call and call back later?

6) If she says she has a boyfriend, is it worth finding out if its true or not, or just forget her and move forward without trying to find out these things?


1)
In general, I think it's safer to wait for the man to express interest rather than waiting for the woman.
That's not always true but I wouldn't anticipate very many women approaching you for a date.
You can read their body language when you're chatting to see if they're interested.
(Supposedly people who are interested will mirror your gestures, face you, lean in, touch their hair, etc.)
I don't consciously do any of that and I'm not aware of it in interactions so I wouldn't know. ^

2)
Don't ask for her number.
Give her yours, but only if you've had a significant chat / flirtation or reason.
If you give it after a very short, bland interaction it won't seem sincere.

Tell her you enjoyed the convo because ________, and you'd love to chat more.
Let her know she can text you if she prefers texting to phone calls.
Women rarely give out their number to strangers.
Numbers can be linked to social media and other avenues for harassment.
If you give her yours, she feels more empowered to call or not call.
She doesn't have to make a decision on the spot.

She might want to snoop your social media before texting you.

Don't EVER ask why they aren't interested.
That's none of your business and it seems really creepy.
Most people can't even explain why they aren't interested in others.


3)
Again I don't see many scenarios where the woman would give you her number.
If she did, I'd wait a couple of days.
A few hours would freak me out.
I probably wouldn't answer the call or the text.


4)
I don't know what whatsapp is?
In general I would recommend your phone number.
Facebook etc., lumps you in with a nameless mass of friends / acquaintances.
You might give her your FB name / link etc., if she wants it -- but give a number too.


5)
Don't ever use the term "I was looking for you".
That's really creepy.
I wouldn't even want my family "looking for me" unless there was an emergency.


6)
If she says she has a boyfriend or a girlfriend or any reason to not be interested, respect it.



Noamx
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26 Aug 2022, 9:08 pm

Thanks for the answers mates! Appreciate it.

I'll be going out to various places soon and will let you know the results, I'll look for normal friendship as well, not necessarily girlfriend.

I dont have much time for the forums sorry. If I dont reply for a while, it means I'm busy. Yeah, sorry.


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that1weirdgrrrl
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27 Aug 2022, 1:28 am

Good luck ! I hope you meet some good humans :heart:


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TheUndiagnosed
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12 Oct 2022, 6:00 pm

I'm 42, never had a girlfriend :(



Mona Pereth
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13 Oct 2022, 7:48 am

Noamx wrote:
I'm unemployed and I am also not studying anything. Does this have to do with starting a job / studies, is related to success with women?

Once you're past age 20 or so, yes.


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Muse933277
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13 Oct 2022, 12:32 pm

Never ask a girl why she rejected you, at best she won’t even reply or give a vague response, at worst she will actually tell you why and you may not like the answer.


Most likely (and this is especially true if you never went on a date with her and she’s single) is that she simply isn’t sexually attracted to you. Maybe she’s really big into tall muscular men and you look like Mclovin’s long lost brother. Or she really wants an athletic guy and you look like your favorite sport is eating at McDonald’s. Maybe she really doesn’t like fat guys, or short guys, or men of a certain race. You’re going to have a hard time convincing a girl who sees you as a 3, to see you as an 8.



Minervx_2
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13 Oct 2022, 6:01 pm

Noamx wrote:
I dont even think I'm doing something very wrong most of the time.


It's impossible to judge this because we don't know you and we've never seen you date. Maybe it's just trial and error, and you need to find the right people.

Maybe you are doing something wrong, but are unaware of what it is. But we'll assume you have good hygiene, presentation, are a decent person, not saying anything overly offensive, etc.

Another factor is that, while you aren't doing anything terribly wrong, maybe you're not really doing anything right either. For example, some people are kind of stiff or treat dating like a job interview. They get nervous; they missing the charisma and humor; they're missing the flirting; or maybe they tone themselves down to try to avoid doing anything that might offend the other person.