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Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

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Joined: 7 Feb 2022
Age: 19
Gender: Female
Posts: 27
Location: New York

27 Aug 2022, 10:14 pm

I have these two friends that I hang out with sometimes and it feels like we can only talk about negative things together. We started to be friends bonding over having bad roommates but now we're out of those living situations and it feels like if we're not ragging on someone or something, it's silent. They're great people to vent to but after that? I feel like I don't have much in common with them.

I don't like being negative, especially when it seems to be the basis of our friendship. Not sure if I'm looking for a solution or to know if this is a thing for anyone else.


Joined: 9 Apr 2022
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,780

27 Aug 2022, 11:57 pm

I can relate to that. I have a coworker who always starts bitching about our common enemies as soon as we start talking. I sometimes feel sick of talking about people I don't like because it brings back the memories of the time when I was harassed by them. I sometimes question if he and I are really friends. It's as if we are only "friends" for the sake of venting to each other about people that we both dislike, which may sadly mean that we are not really true friends.

People often unite with each other by having common enemies but I realize it's not a healthy way to form a friendship, unless it later develops into a friendship that is focused on nice things. Those that try to make friends with you by finding a common enemy, put him/her down, and unite with you, may be manipulators that try to take advantage of your negative feelings. Some are genuinely sympathizing, and if that's the case, the friendship will develop into a positive one.

Mona Pereth

Joined: 11 Sep 2018
Gender: Female
Posts: 5,810
Location: New York City (Queens)

28 Aug 2022, 6:34 pm

Yes, "the enemy of my enemy is my friend" is a common phenomenon -- and not necessarily a bad thing.

But, yes, a good friendship has more dimensions than just common enemies.

- Autistic in NYC - Resources and new ideas for the autistic adult community in the New York City metro area.
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